Friend who overwhelms me with talking so much

I know I talk a bit too much since widowed and being alone. It helps to go out for a walk and to say good morning to everyone, except those that do not make eye contact. Going to the shops, almost always someone actually follows the good morning with a little chat. I am not the only alone person and it helps me and others to siphon off a bit of suppressed talking

I also listen so don`t go into endless talking

I seem to attract people who do this,my brother and several friends,I dont have the energy to fight for my say,as they change subject,talk over me,and generally drain the life from me,I find it quite overwhelming.

Well, 21 years my friend/neighbour has lived in this block.
21 ruddy years of her coming down up to 10 times a day, filling me in on the next installment of her whole day...
Now the one opposite thinks she is going to join in with telling me all about her ailments.
I know who had a poo, and when, the consistency, who had caused trouble on facebook, what faces the goldfish pulled when they were getting fed.
It drives me to the other side of distraction at times.

I try to think of it as a mental health problem, because that is how it seems - an obsessive need to "get it all out".

My patience is sorely tested, though.

Oh gosh, MissA, as if you haven't got enough to cope with!

MissAdventure that sounds awful!!
In my hospital ward volunteer role I meet and chat to a huge variety of people who have nothing in common except old age and illness. It's very noticeable but quite rare that some have very good social skills. Mostly, as I'm there to listen I hear long monologues about peoples' lives. I find it very interesting and I enjoy it. I'm quite taken aback when those rare people suddenly ask about me. Some are very polite but others seem just to be interested ladies (like me!)

I have found it difficult, sitting here awash with ailments, breathless, bald and so on..
We almost had a new direction in one of our chats yesterday, as apparently a woman down the town had asked after me.
.Neighbour couldn't remember her name, what colour her hair was or anything about the woman, though.

I am going to agree with Maw here, it maybe that this lady lives alone for what ever reason.
One of my closest friends was widowed 3 years ago and when we meet weekly, she is eager to tell me all her news. I am happy to listen as l know she is lonely but never says so.
She also lost her much loved dog 2 months ago.
I try to put myself in her place and l am truly grateful for what l have.

Maya1

I am going to agree with Maw here, it maybe that this lady lives alone for what ever reason.
One of my closest friends was widowed 3 years ago and when we meet weekly, she is eager to tell me all her news. I am happy to listen as l know she is lonely but never says so.
She also lost her much loved dog 2 months ago.
I try to put myself in her place and l am truly grateful for what l have.

Gosh, if you had said she lost her dog 14 months ago I’d be racking my brains to “identify” you! Sounds so familiar.

My husband is terminally ill and since we have found out his sister has started coming to our house 2-3 times a week. Sometimes to bring him a bar of chocolate, packet of nuts or cake but mostly to just visit. But she stays for about 3 hours and I find it exhausting, she doesn’t stop talking for the 3 hours mainly reminiscing about things when they were growing up and family and friends. Husband started falling asleep or feigning sleep but she doesn’t go. I told her she has to ring before she comes to make sure its ok but she now rings everyday, I am running out of excuses. I don’t want to fall out with her but its hard to know what to say.

Tell her "the doctor said..."
Your husband must rest. Must nap. Needs not to be over stimulated.
Anything, if her coming is spoiling your husbands peace and comfort (and yours!)

MissAdventure

Tell her "the doctor said..."
Your husband must rest. Must nap. Needs not to be over stimulated.
Anything, if her coming is spoiling your husbands peace and comfort (and yours!)

Thank you, she is on her way round to ours soon and I think I need to have an honest conversation with her. She calls him her baby brother and wants to nurse him, but its not what he wants.

It's such a shame that these people spoil things for themselves and others, when they would be very welcome if they used a bit of common sense.
Good luck!

I have a friend like this but fortunately she lives in another part of the country. She is the kindest person you could wish to meet, which makes me feel guilty for feeling like this. However, although she will ask me the occasional question about myself, she is not really interested in the answers and the conversation soon reverts to her life. Non-stop. She is also one of the friends who has written her autobiography. She has recently discovered that she had Asperger’s Syndrome, which explains a lot, though, it’s difficult, isn’t it, because we truly do not want to be unkind but it is exhausting.

It actually makes me feel unwell if someone encroaches on my space, I feel really out of sorts - not that fanny fernackerpan takes a blind bit of notice.
She isn't a nasty person though, so... here we are.
21 years and counting.

MissAdventure you deserve a medal ?

I had a friend like this, (let's call her "M" - this isn't her real initial) and after years of M never listening, I quietly "dropped" her. Being with M was like having the radio on - without an "off "switch. M always droned on and on, and she didn't even listen to attempted interactive comments from me, such as; "and when was that?" I think that the last straw was when (after 30 minutes of M's wittering) I tried to tell her about something very significant that had happened within my family & she ignored this, just talking over me. I appreciate that M may be lonely, but I have enough other friends whom I see (some of whom need support & a listening ear!) without this. IMO life is simply too short.....

I have a few chairs on my back doorstep, for any of us in the block who want to sit outside.
My neighbour shouts through my door "I'm just going to sit outside yours! Is that ok?"

Of course.

"Burble blah.. mumble..."

Sorry, can't hear you, I'm doing stuff here. No time to sit out.

"Oh, I'll just come in and tell you"

Damn it!

MissAdventure

It actually makes me feel unwell if someone encroaches on my space, I feel really out of sorts - not that fanny fernackerpan takes a blind bit of notice.
She isn't a nasty person though, so... here we are.
21 years and counting.

Is she the one who helped you out by collecting a sick note?

> I have a few chairs on my back doorstep, for any of us in the block who want to sit outside.

Do you put old copies of magazines for people to read while they queue?

Yes, she is.
That's the thing, she is a kind person, and she has her own struggles going on.

It seems very mean to complain about her like I am doing.

She isn't lonely, she tells me she enjoys her own company, but as her visitors leave, she comes straight down to me.

StarDreamer

> I have a few chairs on my back doorstep, for any of us in the block who want to sit outside.

Do you put old copies of magazines for people to read while they queue?

That's really tickled me!

She is going to knock in a minute, I know. .she has been out for lunch (via mine)

I'll have to get some 'readers digests' to put out.

Thankyou most sincerely for those of you who really answered my question. Leaving more space between meeting up is a good idea. I suppose some of us are on opposite ends of the “vocal spectrum “! Anyway it does us all good to get if off our chests in an anonymous way! I suppose it depends on what level of talking you are used to- my husband and I can happily co exist quietly ,so when I meet my friend it’s like being met with a continuous tuesnami of noise!!!

I’d try and introduce someone else into the mix