Granny23
"I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong".
You have not gone wrong. You have just had the misfortune to land up with 'One of those' MILs. I did everything possible to placate my MIL without success. She was hyper critical of everything I did or said and just could not get over her perception that I had "stolen" her wonderful only son.
What did you do about it? Did your husband ever tackle them?
Granny23
"I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong".
You have not gone wrong. You have just had the misfortune to land up with 'One of those' MILs. I did everything possible to placate my MIL without success. She was hyper critical of everything I did or said and just could not get over her perception that I had "stolen" her wonderful only son.
Did your husband step in? Mine is going over to see them on his own, he is extreme upset.
We went out for lunch on Saturday, a big birthday for ny husband and therefore I literally went only to keep him happy. First time seeing them wince before lockdown. He ignored me completely and wouldn’t even look or engage with my children which very much noticed. He didn’t even say hello or goodbye to them. I’ve told my husband that he won’t be seeing them until it’s been dealt with. I need to teach my children the values of assertiveness and self respect/ I don’t think you should kowtow to your elders when they’re testing your mother like crap really
So you’ve had nothing to do with for 3 years? And you want to get back with them ? Good for you. I’m a mother-in-law to 2 lovely girls. But it wasn’t always like that. I think they were wary of me. And I was wary of them and wondering why they chose my very well heeled sons. Most m.I.ls are always doubtful in the beginning. But they are now the best things that have happened to my family. The younger d.I.l. Is just a little darling. I shouldn’t say this, but she treats me almost better than my own daughter does, but then it is well documented that most mother/daughter relationships are difficult.
Give it time Elishive - you will be surprised at how well things work out as it did with me. Good luck !
"I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong".
You have not gone wrong. You have just had the misfortune to land up with 'One of those' MILs. I did everything possible to placate my MIL without success. She was hyper critical of everything I did or said and just could not get over her perception that I had "stolen" her wonderful only son.
Your husband needs to be the one to tackle them. If he gets no improvement, either reduce contact significantly or totally with your in laws.
Sorry - it’s just so long.
Just hoping for some advice from a MIL really.
I’ve been married to an amazing fella for 15 years and we are very happy indeed. 2 lovely kids, financial stability etc
my inlaws really hate me and I am getting increasingly distressed by it. It makes me feel so worthless than an entire family dislikes me because I’m not daft enough to overlook that it might be my fault. I actually feel quite bullied.
For a long time, I picked up on snide remarks and just general bitchy comments but ignored and continued to make them welcome. I’m a warm and sociable person by nature and love having family around for dinner we. And for years I would, like most DIL, be the one to instigate family get togethers etc. I slowly realised that in the company of their friends and other family members, that they would ignore me and exchange glances. I felt completely ignored at her 70th for example then at my sons holy communion the following year. I mean, none of them spoke to me at all. I’d spent days preparing a cracking banquet.
My FIL has documented mental health issues/ he is chronically angry, depressed, Bitter and aggressive. My MIL has a really awful time with him I think but that would never be acknowledged…. I think they prob sky spend too much time together alone and speculating about everybody around them. She’s spineless and bitchy but before the scales fell from my eyes, I always thought we got on quite well. I have a very good relationship with my mum and know how to get on with people in that age group. Plus she has no daughters. Both of her other sons have had significant problems- one is in an absolutely abusive relationship and the other is divorced v acrimoniously. We are happy: why don’t that enough! I’m a good wife and mum, I know I am.
We can’t speak to them - even my husband who is the golden boy lawyer son - you would have thought therefore good at dealing with awkward people can’t speak to them because it ends in FIL going on about his mental health.
I stopped having anything to do with them three years ago when FIL started roaring and shouting at my autistic son and then a few weeks later accused me of all sorts of paranoid nonsense: it absolutely kills me: I am from a highly dysfunctional family and harmony is important to me - I need to be liked in a family context and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong. I know that sound v needy - I’m not openly needy at all, I’m confident and assertive but really feel so defeated by this. Please help.
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