My New Chapter

You took the right decision! Best wishes to you.

I agree that noone should stay where they are being abused, been there, done that... BUT before you leave you have to have somewhere to go to, not always easy. Can't just up and go with nowhere to go to. I wish you luck and hope you will find happiness alone if necessary. I have lived alone for many years but had to start in a homeless hostel, then temporary accomodation, was not the best time but necessary.

Good luck Sue re the housing.
I assume that the council/housing associations know you are "sofa-surfing?
Well done!

Well done Sue110. I did it too. And have never regretted it.
I hope everything works out well for you.

Sue. Thank you for telling us how you did it. Well done. It must be hard sofa surfing.

Hi, it took me a long time making up my mind to leave. I secretly saved every spare penny I could for a year. At the beginning of that year (after an exceptionally horrible 4 days) I gave him an ultimatum… you do this to me ever again & I’m gone. During that year I tried not to annoy him but that meant walking on eggshells for much of the time. I read lots of books, the main one that helped me was “why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft… so many relatable examples & tons of advice in that book. Then, he verbally abused me for 3 days in early June, so I left. I stayed with my son, with friends & my mum. He wants me back but there’s no chance of that. Initially he bombarded me with messages but I only responded to relevant ones. I’ve told him I want a divorce & my half of the value of the property. So far things are moving in the right direction. The house is now on the market, I won’t have enough to buy my own place but have registered for ‘older persons housing’, so far nothing, do I’m still spending time between my sons, mums & friends.
Hope this helps with anyone wanting to know how I did what I did. My friends say I’m brave but I don’t see it that way… as I’d just got to the end of my tether.

So glad you are happy and content and giving others the courage to do it.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage except the partners. If you are being abused mentally or physically I can understand that making the final brake must be a breath of fresh air.

Stay safe. There’s no guarantee he won’t come after you ?

Hoorah! Many women know the misery of an angry, mean husband. My first was like that, just indescribably bad marriage. He died shortly after I finally left. We all wish you the best!.

Saggi, sorry to hear what you have are going through.
obviously i know nothing about it.
but why can't you escape.
what if you started divorce proceedings.
surely the assets would have to be divided, and you would have something towards a new start, alone.

Hope you got a good settlement. So many violent men get away with not providing for thier wives. I knew one man who threw his wife out of a house that was willed to her. They are scumbags are men and I have never met a decent one.

mimismo

Well done. There's a saying here in Spain that you're better off alone than with a bad companion. So true

similar is in irish,
better a good retreat than a bad stand.

Well done for your brave decision. Enjoy your peace.

Camelotclub

The problem for a lot of women is they don't have anywhere to go nor the funds to buy or rent. I got shot of a nasty boyfriend back in the late 80s (it was my flat) and the feeling of relief was like a warm bath on a cold day. I lived entirely in the moment and felt so glad I'd sent him packing. I met my now DH within weeks. Bad BF had the nerve to ring and say he wanted me back! No way.

I think the problem is that women don't know where to go to access help to find the funds to leave. Even if you have your own home, there are rules that allow you to get benefits if you have to leave because of abuse. You may not get a 3 bed house but you may be able to rent a studio flat/bedsit whilst finances are sorted. What seems impossible may well be possible with the right support.

So pleased for you. At last you had the courage and I’m sure everyone is proud of you. Very well done. I hope you forge a brilliant new life for yourself. Onwards and upwards

You definitely did the right thing by leaving and I wish you only the best for the future.

I’m so glad youfound the courage to leave. Too often fear makes us soldier on. I fell for promises based on a second chance. It lasted less than a month. The joy I felt walking into my own house where what, when or how to do things was entirely up to me was immeasurable. Good luck

Congratulations. Enjoy your peace and freedom.

I have never felt so happy as I do right now living alone after divorcing my husband. I am at peace with the world and content and grateful for all that I have. Every morning I wake up feeling so happy with my life.I am not rich in wealth but I am in health which has improved enormously since I made the changes to my life. I am so happy for the op. I understand exactly where she is coming from.

The problem for a lot of women is they don't have anywhere to go nor the funds to buy or rent. I got shot of a nasty boyfriend back in the late 80s (it was my flat) and the feeling of relief was like a warm bath on a cold day. I lived entirely in the moment and felt so glad I'd sent him packing. I met my now DH within weeks. Bad BF had the nerve to ring and say he wanted me back! No way.

Well done I did it over 10 years ago and never regretted it good luck and be proud of yourself

Well done to you, we are all proud of you.

Obviously some ladies in the same position as you found yourself in. Do you feel you could post and give them some hints and how you did manage to leave?

We all wish you well.

I was married for 23 years and have been divorced for 33 years. No regrets.

Great news Sue. It's also nice to read all the supportive responses from GNs

Good for you.
Enjoy your life now. xxx