How to get out of a marriage

M0nica

Why does he have this great burden of debt that is his and not yours?

Might just be car finance, hope it’s not gambling or anything unpleasant.

Why does he have this great burden of debt that is his and not yours?

Urmstongran and Katie excellent constructive advice from you both. Good to see. Hope it will help OP.

talk to your husband.....he may feel exactly the same as you, say you're fed up....and if the free child care you provide is tying you down tell the parents you don't want to do it anymore... not easy I know.

If you leave you are going to need to get a job, so why not get one now, it gets you out of the house and mixing with others. When I took early retirement I got a supermarket job wages are basic but very good socially, lots of chatty regular customers. Plenty of part time shifts, many of us are well off choosing to work because we want to.

Lots of older couples have separate beds, even rooms, don’t go through a divorce and end up lonely and worse off

No advice but just wanted to say I really hope you manage to get out of your marriage. You sound so unhappy

Could you go for a stroll together and really talk about how you feel? He’s probably not happy either with huge debts hanging over him? Maybe work out what you could both do to make you both happy? Perhaps sell the house, pay off the debts and buy a flat or similar. A caravan even. You can’t buy peace of mind and it’s so precious.

Start afresh for this next chapter in your lives and then share any decision with your adult children, giving them plenty of time to sort out their childcare needs if a move would affect them. You could even give them a small amount of money from the sale of your house to ease the shock of the transition.

You’ve been together a long time (same as us). You have an enormous amount of shared history and will know one another inside out after all these years. I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water at this stage. I’d fully try to explore all avenues open to you both. Really communicate you’ve nothing to lose and a lot to gain if you both put your cards on the table. You both deserve to be happier.

Good luck anyway, whatever you decide.

welbeck

so why do you want to leave.
it doesn't sound too bad.

She feels trapped. Husband has debts. She’s unhappy and young enough to enjoy a new life. “It doesn’t sound too bad” why waste life on “not too bad”??

Hi Hollyhock I agree with Ali23 if you could get into something like a book club or any sort of dance class something for yourself you sound board with life looking after GC can be draining as well good luck in what you decided to do it could be lonely if you leave ??

Ho Hollyhock. Just wondering if there are ways that you can do things to enrich your own life in the short term? Cheap stuff like joining a community choir, taking up a hobby that absorbs you when you feel the loneliness of being together but not.

Thank you all, lots to think about here. Like I said, we're not well off financially, never have been, always got by ok though, he has no private pensions at all, but that's not the problem. I've thought about returning to work and actually did so some years ago, then GC came along and now I care for them whilst their parents work. I suppose I (we) are in a rut. It's an impossibility really as I have nowhere to live, other than my home, no savings to fall back on, so it's probably a case of carrying on regardless. My adult children would never forgive me they think the world of him.

The answer might be to go back to work. Not easy at your age but if you're in good health, something to check out.

You need to get some expert advice Hollyhock. If your husband has any private pension funds you may be entitled to a share, or an increased share of the proceeds of the sale of the house if you agree not to go after any private pensions he has. Also the fact you used your pension lump sum to clear the remainder of your mortgage might mean you're entitled to more than half of the value of the marital home.

Have you talked to your husband about how you're feeling? Are you sure that ending the marriage is what you really want? Could it be that you're in a rut and that there are changes you and your husband could make together?

so why do you want to leave.
it doesn't sound too bad.

Please talk to a divorce lawyer

Best of luck and congrats