What happens when one spouse decides to retire without discussion

Even if your friend has asked your opinion, keep out of it.
It is their problem not yours.

Shouldn't have retired without discussion! Not a partnership!

Perhaps your friends wife was drinking because she was unhappy with her job.
It is her prerogative to finish work.

I guess they either work it out, or they don’t, and eventually get divorced.

Either way, as annsixty says, keep out of it.

Mind your own business? ……

It's their business

I would imagine you are hearing mainly one side of this and therefore are biased in favour of one party. No-one knows what goes on in a relationship except the people involved, and sometimes not even them! Please steer clear.

Oh goodness - keep a sympathetic ear open without taking sides or offering any advice if you can.

It takes a while to ease into the 'I'm retired' mind set so pottering around the house may well be a good thing. Then interests will emerge - maybe the watering will blossom into a gardening interest, or the cooking into an appearance on Bake Off but who knows?

Hope it works out.

Asking for a friend ?

What's an executive spouse?

I suggest your friend speaks to his wife rather than gransnet/you.

Lack of communication seems to be the issue here, demonstrated by the fact that your friend is talking to you when he should be talking to his wife.

You came on for advice. I will offer the same as I would to a woman going through a time where the partner acts alone, particularly financially. The excluded partner would need to protect their future income.

It is reasonable for people to act independently. Equally, they must then expect a change/split of the corporate pot. It is worth getting legal and medical advice (Al-anon might be a start). I don't think you could do more than say that to your friend.

This happened to a friend, her husband was in the police. She solved it by going back to work.

Your friend ? His problem

yes, get your 'friend' to come on gransnet and say how he feels.

Totally mind your own business. I would be horrified if any "friend" of mine aired my issues on Social Media. Is your life so dull and boring that you do this kind of inappropriate post often? Butt out.

It’s none of your business!

You have heard one side of this. He sounds petty, stating the mls of wine his wife drinks and time she spends watering the garden. Maybe she is planning on leaving him or doing nothing or taking up a new interest whatever it is none of it is your business to share on social media.

notgran

Totally mind your own business. I would be horrified if any "friend" of mine aired my issues on Social Media. Is your life so dull and boring that you do this kind of inappropriate post often? Butt out.

But a huge number of GNetters do notgran. Is that because it's okay when they are women, perhaps?

I think it only matters if they are a lesser minion spouse, executive spouses don't count

Advise your husband to talk to his wife, not you.

I don't mean 'your husband' I mean 'the husband'.
Or do I?

notgran

Totally mind your own business. I would be horrified if any "friend" of mine aired my issues on Social Media. Is your life so dull and boring that you do this kind of inappropriate post often? Butt out.

A significant number of posts on here are 'airing issues'. The point of somewhere like this is that they can be aired anonymously, so if someone aired yours you would be none the wiser unless you were aware of their username, in which case etiquette dictates that you would let them know, so they wouldn't inadvertently embarrass you.

I think if they haven't discussed and come to a consensus, if it were me, I'd totally separate my finances from my partners and arrange to fund my half of the household expenses and tell my partner to sort out payment for their half.

I wouldn't be prepared to fund someone elses retirement, unless it was something we'd discussed and agreed on together.