Is there an acceptable period of mourning before starting a new relationship?

A friend of mine who a few weeks ago was 70 has been married twice before told me last September that her ex boss who is 55 his wife had died. Since then I have noticed on Facebook he has been on lots of outings to the theatre, restaurant’s and sporting events with her. Then a couple of weeks ago they announced they were a couple.
A know a few people were surprised firstly the age difference (people probably wouldn’t have been if he had been older) and secondly its less than a year since his wife died. But both seem happy and people cope with loneliness differently so I wish them well.

Elizabeth27

I would be pleased for someone that has found happiness in a new relationship no matter how quickly after a loss.

What a lovely post!

eazybee

Hmmm…..that’s sort of how discussion boards work - people chat & discuss things, lots of different things that are usually none of our business, topics that are totally unrelated to us or our lives, but most of us have an opinion.
I’m not sure why you’re so peeved though - as you say, you don’t even know the people I’m talking about.

Two and a half years since the Bodach died, and remarrying is the furthest thing from my mind. I’m getting used to being on my own, and don’t see this changing.
I remember my friend’s mother saying she would just like a ‘dancing partner’ to ‘ take the bare look off her’ when she was in company!

Personally I also think it is a bit soon although if it were my friend I would be more concerned about the true intentions of the prospective partners, you hear all sorts about widowed/divorced/single women being targeted by men and getting scammed and ripped off.

We attended a dinner dance at a local hotel and were surprised to see FiL and a lady friend, less than a year after MiL's death. It was a shock for my husband, he and his sisters had no idea that his father was courting again.
They married 18 months after MiL's death, family all attended the church wedding and made the new wife welcome in our homes.
My FiL actually phoned me to ask me to tell DH that he was remarrying!!

Very happily married here, I couldn’t ever imagine wanting another man, if my husband died, but obviously until you are in that position who knows !

Hmmm, I don't know. The friends of my dead friend were pretty horrified about her husband having a new woman within months. My family were shocked at my GF, having a new woman a year after my GM died.

Rightly so, in relation to my GF. He made a terrible choice of 2nd wife and lived the rest of his life regretting it.

I think society judges women more for starting relationships after the death of a spouse (or even a divorce) Many more men embark on relationships very quickly following death/divorce and it seems more acceptable because the poor babies cannot look after themselves or some other such rubbish.

I don't judge either fwiw my friend was judged awfully when she met someone else but she was an extremely young widow and the man she met made her happy. Who am I to judge?

Madgran77

What is right for each individual and there is no "rule". Noones else's business either

Family would differ from that view, in most situations it’s better to wait a respectful time before “coming out” in a new relationship. When grieving is over it’s far easier for them to “move on” without upset.

What is right for each individual and there is no "rule". Noones else's business either

Kandinsky said 'I know it’s none of my business' but then goes on to post about other people's relationships no one else is familiar with, for the purpose of providing a topic for discussion.
Really?

I can't think it's anyone else's business. If you have had a long and happy marriage it must be very hard to suddenly be on your own. If you find someone who you enjoy spending time with then I think the correct amount of time before you start a relationship with them is about a week after the funeral #jokingnotjoking

A 70 yr old friend of mine was widowed young, a while ago I asked her why she never remarried:-
“ I’ve had quite a few boyfriends, some serious and long lasting but my husband left me well provided for and to be honest I’ve never found another man I wanted to live with”.

We all are in different situations, some like having a man about, some are happy solo.

It has been said that; "Women mourn. Men replace....." In my lifetime I've certainly seen quite a lot of this happening.

I think a lot probably depends on what their relationships were like....Maybe it's a relief to be able to move on after their husbands have died.....Also I think there are women and men who couldn't live without a partner....My aunt is 84 and is on hubby number 4....After every one of her husbands died she could have won an Oscar...Every man she's had are so subservant to her.....

Most women have quite a strong emotional attachment to their deceased partners and take a year plus to be comfortable with a new man
Men, if they decide they want a new partner usually start looking fairly quickly, 2 that I know recently we’re dating within 4 months

Summerlove

People in a happy marriage are statistically more likely to start dating faster than those who were not.

I am firmly on the side of as long as they are happy and being treated well - good for them!!

That's true Summerlove I think there is no set period for grieving each person is different.
I would not worry about people being together but would probably advise a little caution before remarriage.

It's entirely a matter for the individual widow or widower. Mourning takes many forms and durations and varies considerably from person to person as does the need for a second relationship.

People in a happy marriage are statistically more likely to start dating faster than those who were not.

I am firmly on the side of as long as they are happy and being treated well - good for them!!

My H died 3 years ago and now at 85 I have no desire to want another man in my life.
I am also realistic enough that at my age no self respecting man would want me in his life either.
However if I had been much younger I would have liked someone to have a social life with.
Two friends have done just this.
Meals out, attending social events together, weekends away ( platonic I am told) and I believe it.

It seems an ideal solution for both .
Marriage again?
Never.

Cabbie21 my ‘Grandad’ married my Gran (DM’s mother) six weeks after his first wife died.
There’s a long back story, but for his part, he was desperate to have someone take on his daughters who were left to run wild during his wife’s illness and death. It was a scandal in their small pit village, but my DGM always knew the truth.

Their decision ... no one knows until it happens to them ... everyone is different ... personally I wouldn't judge anyone ...

There is no right answer.
Someone I know married her late sister’s husband. They had been close all their adult lives, and she helped to nurse her sister during her illness, and also helped with the children, so she was not a stranger. They married within a year.

Similar situations occurred a lot in the past. Men who were widowed often re- married very quickly to provide a mother for the children. Both my grandads did. One marriage worked brilliantly, the other was a big mistake.
There are no right answers.
I will not marry again if DH dies first, but if I were younger I might have done.

I would be pleased for someone that has found happiness in a new relationship no matter how quickly after a loss.