Hello all, I am seeking your advice and assistance as I really am not sure what to do. I don’t think I can speak to my friends about this given the nature of the matter.
I have been suffering from a bad menopause for some years now, and my sexual appetite has completely disappeared. It was healthy before then, but I feel no sense of arousal now, and don’t even feel that I am missing it, as there seems to be nothing there to miss.
I have just tuned 60, as has my husband. He is a good man, my best friend and we have a happy relationship. He is understanding and considerate with respect to the lack of sex between us, but we have had recent discussion where he has said that he is finding the situation increasingly difficult – I believe he thought that the sex hiatus would be temporary, but we are now both scared that it is permanent. HRT did help for a time, then I had to stop taking it. And there is nothing that now makes me feel aroused. I will occasionally “help him out”, but penetration is just not possible and neither of us finds the one way service really intimate or fulfilling.
He has suggested that we seek the advice and assistance of a sex therapist, but I am not convinced that would help now, as there seems to be no sexual baseline upon which to work.
Our marriage is good and solid and I love my husband deeply. I want to do what is best for both of us. We had a fairly adventurous, some might say, experimental sex life, so I can understand how the ending of it while we are not that old is challenging for him. So, I am beginning to wonder if I should suggest to him that I would be prepared for him to seek some form of sexual satisfaction elsewhere if he desires, providing there is no emotional attachment involved. I really don’t know how he would respond, but I want to keep up as close as we are. While he is not particularly demonstrative and is quite shy, I know that women do find him attractive and compared to most men of his age he would be quite a catch.
Your ideas, perspectives and advice would be valued
