No desire and my husband

No comment . Post should be removed

School summer holidays.

??good answer Urmstongran

See your gp first- theres other stuff than reaching for HRT as a 'miracle cure'- gp may be able to help- AND to refer or recommend a sex therapist- if your hubby has suggested this then thats what he wants- not for you to dish him out a 'free pass' as the Americans call it- and to do so would be madness- he would most probably 'get involved' and it might then lead to end of your marriage!?

Especially if he's a dishy catch for his age, someone's bound to see him as a long-term option.?

Dear Deirdre..................what a load of *******!

I've only just joined Gransnet so not sure of the etiquette etc. but am I missing something here? I took this as a genuine post was I wrong? why all the negative comments I wonder?

A sex therapist will tell you to relearn sex slowly.

First step is not to have any genital contact at all but to stroke each other on other areas of your bodies kindly and not for long sessions.

As soon as actually happy with that, you can progress to something else may be breasts I can't remember.

Anyway vaginal penetration is the last stage and is not done until the earlier stages are accomplished to your mutual pleasure.

I'm not a therapist and you need to engage a proper therapist.

PS polyamory sex is even more sexually complicated than couples sex so avoid if you can.

HowdidIget this old12 Don't worry. There are a lot of elderly grans on here who cannot imagine any woman writing about such a topic. To me the post rang true, I have heard the situation spoken about often.

I feel sorry for your husband and unless you are willing to seek help perhaps setting him free to find someone more compatible would be a kindness.

Good idea Esspee but it can be calamitous. Better idea would be to hire a professional sex worker who would be less likely to disrupt the marriage.

If your body is not interested now your hormones have changed then not a lot you can do IMO, and no amount of feeling guilty is going to change that.
I would say no to letting him go with other women.
Try building on what is good in your relationship and cherish what you do have.

Hiraeth

No comment . Post should be removed

... just out of interest - why?

Is it because you think the post is not genuine - or that older women don't have / or shouldn't have a sex life? Or that if they have a sex life it shouldn't be discussed?

I'm genuinely puzzled...

I too am surprised by the posters who do not think this is genuine.
What a cynical lot we are.
I have heard of this problem in other couples I know so do not find it surprising.
Why not try the therapist. I would have thought anything is worth trying and the remark about letting him go is nonsense. Is sex all there is to marriage then?

I thought it seemed genuine too.

GagaJo

I thought it seemed genuine too.

So did I.

I suggest you do as H's suggested and see a sex therapist. You've nothing to lose and if it doesn't help at least he'll know that you're aware of how difficult this is for him.

Unless you're prepared to risk losing this understanding and considerate man, then I wouldn't recommend him seeking relief else where.

Go to your doctor, see if there is any more...localised... treatments you can try.

It must be so hard for you both but I don't think looking outside of the relationship is the answer

GagaJo

I thought it seemed genuine too.

It sounds genuine to me.

VioletSky

Go to your doctor, see if there is any more...localised... treatments you can try.

It must be so hard for you both but I don't think looking outside of the relationship is the answer

It must be so hard for you both but I don't think looking outside of the relationship is the answer.

I agree. That adds another dimension to the problem, and if he is looking for a more "intimate and fulfilling" relationship with his wife, then he might well find it with another woman - permanently. Especially as she thinks he's a "good catch".

And anyway, women are not there just to be used as a sex-service for frustrated husbands who then go back to the comfort of their own homes, until they feel the 'urge' again.

That idea is all kinds of wrong. IMO, of course.

Thank-you for your responses. I can confirm this is a genuine post and I feel a little hurt and puzzled by those who think it is some schoolboy prank or an unsuitable topic to raise.

I would indeed be tentative and rather worried about giving my husband the green light to seek an alternative arrangement - we both love each other dearly and while I do not think he would use our lack of intimacy as an ultimatum, I can see how it must be unfair on him. But, as far as I am aware he has never strayed during our marriage (I certainly haven't!). He may find even the thought abhorrent, but I just wanted to see how others on here may have dealt with this sort of situation, which is not something that has ever faced me before. And I just don't know what to do for the best.
Thank-you again

I wanted to say thank you OP, this is an important topic really and it is good to be able to discuss these things.

I have watched my sex drive dwindle at times through hormonal imbalance due to illness or hormonal issues.

This does matter

Just to follow on from some of the other valued suggestions. I have consulted my GP, but a) the surgery where I live is just awful and they're not much interested in such "lifestyle" matters, as they see them; and b) when I did try a more localised potential solution, it had no effect whatsoever.

I am indeed inclined to look at a specialist therapist and see if they may have potential solutions. If I go in with low expectations, I may be surprised and transformed into the woman I once was