Cancelling date with friend

You obviously don’t think much of her as a friend or you wouldn’t want to let her down. I would normally say tell the truth but on this occasion I think it would be kinder to tell a white lie and say you’re not feeling very well. If you don’t want to continue the friendship then don’t agree to another meeting and let the friendship gently fizzle out.

I think I agree with SueDoku. The last two years of lockdown etc has had a very odd effect on us. It’s all too easy to sit at home. Do give her a ring .. she might be feeling the same as you!

I always feel being honest with oneself and others is the best policy in life. I wouldn't personally need confirmation of an arrangement but I might send a quick message on the day to say I was going. Maybe she doesn't want to go either.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just tell her and sooner rather than later so that she can make other arrangements with how to spend her time.

I think 'people pleasing' ie doing something you don't want to do, with someone, is rather dishonest to yourself and the other person and is pleasing no one. So the question to self is why did you arrange something you knew you didn't want to do? I wouldn't want to meet up with someone who doesn't actually like me!

My friends and I can cancel any time...even on the day as sometimes we are just not in the right mood to speak to anyone, even our closest friends. We are all very happy with this arrangement. We don't need to tell white lies or make any big excuses. 'I'm just not up to chatting today', is enough. But if this were to happen several times in a row, which hasn't happened, it might be time for an honest chat.

Do you feel unwell
or exhausted from the heat at the moment ?
Or to be honest - aren't you that keen on this friend ?
Is that why you don't feel like going ?

If someone did it to you - you'd be upset and offended .

I'd go .

If you feel below par -just say I'm a bit tired could we just have nice quiet lunch or afternoon tea ?

One day , you might be glad to go out with this friend .

One of my old friends professed to really like me and used to let me down over and over for over 25 years .
Recently , she's been in touch and this time I have found the confidence to tell her that I'm sick and tired of being used .

Recently , a friend bought cinema tickets and was excited about going out .

It was a difficult time of day as I have to make complicated arrangements for my father's care and I felt bloody awful absolutely worn out from lack of sleep -but I went .

And even though , she's very odd and egocentric at times I was so glad to have gone .

So deep breath and go - you might enjoy yourself .

Having rushed round to get ready for my cousin to come for a drink with us this afternoon, he turned up and decided he didn't want to come in. Although I was disappointed, I was glad he made the effort to get to the doorstep before he made that decision. We had a chat whilst he was in the car and he made his departure after about 20 minutes. It wasn't what I was looking forward to but hey ho.

No need for excuses. Just be honest.

What a lot of rather nasty comments. If you are not feeling up to going, a simple text to say, sorry I'm not feeling very well, I cannot make it tomorrow will suffice. Hope you're looking forward to other meet ups soon, with other people xx

I have a friend who started cancelling on me a lot, and not giving a reason other than that she had something else she wanted to do. I couldn’t help but get the message that I wasn’t important to her. In the end, I stopped letting her rearrange our plans, hopefully she got the message that if she cancelled our plan, it might not happen at all!

I think your friend was very thoughtless cancelling on you on the day you were meeting. But I think you should consider where you want to go with the friendship, maybe see her less often if you don’t feel very close to her any more

I think you need to consider how you will feel if she decides to reconsider the friendship.

It's not necessarily going to be up to you whether things fizzle out - she might decide that being let down at the last minute because you don't feel like it is not something she's willing to put up with. If that doesn't bother you, fair enough, but if you don't want to lose her as a friend, then you might want to stick to the arrangement. If you were genuinely unable to go, I would feel differently, but not going just because you don't fancy like it is very selfish, IMO.

I’m always playing second fiddle to one friend’s horse. Sometimes the excuses for lateness, rearranging, cancelling beggar belief!

I wouldn't cancel. I would go along to meet the friend and during the time spent with your friend I would slip into the conversation that you thought she would have been in touch to confirm the meet up was still taking place. Saying that, have you been in touch with her to confirm? It maybe that she forgot it was taking place, there maybe all manner of reasons.

I hope your meet up is a lovely 1 ... enjoy your time with your friend, turn a negative into a positive.

You sound like hard work the other party may be glad not to meet you

Did the OP meet up with the friend, or not? It should have happened on Friday last.

Will we ever know?

Calendargirl

Did the OP meet up with the friend, or not? It should have happened on Friday last.

Will we ever know?

Possibly just one of those Post and Go people
I do find it irritating along with those who won’t read the thread
Why ask a question then disappear !

It is beautifully ironic that the OP has never responded to any of the questions asked.

I don't blame her, frankly.

MissAdventure

I don't blame her, frankly.

Why ?

She has had some quite unpleasant comments, told she's hard work, thinks she's more important than anyone else.
Perhaps what with that, and it having been the weekend, she decided not to look at the thread again.

Possibly just one of those Post and Go people
I do find it irritating along with those who won’t read the thread
Why ask a question then disappear !

Because you didn’t like the answer you got?

MissAdventure

She has had some quite unpleasant comments, told she's hard work, thinks she's more important than anyone else.
Perhaps what with that, and it having been the weekend, she decided not to look at the thread again.

She got some “sympathy “ too. But the point is why start a thread and disappear ? Easy enough tomcome back and say you dont like what posters have said and you’re off. Just good manners in my book

I dunno.

Perhaps she is out with her friend again?

Lucca

MissAdventure

She has had some quite unpleasant comments, told she's hard work, thinks she's more important than anyone else.
Perhaps what with that, and it having been the weekend, she decided not to look at the thread again.

She got some “sympathy “ too. But the point is why start a thread and disappear ? Easy enough tomcome back and say you dont like what posters have said and you’re off. Just good manners in my book

I don't think that pointing out that her friend might be inconvenienced by her cancelling is a 'hard comment'.

Is it harsh to suggest that she hasn't come back to the thread because she doesn't do things unless she feels like it, and the fact that other people might have been inconvenienced by bothering to reply to her isn't on her radar either?

Stick to your agreements and your word. You want to recruit people here to help you do a wrong? Not on your Nelly.

OP. Please come back and tell us what you decided on. You asked for opinions, there is no need to disappear because you don't like them all, people were just saying what they thought as you asked them to.

I lost a good friendship because I wasn't prepared to put up with his narcissistic partner, who called the shots on everything, and made a drama out of almost everything. I miss the friend but not the drama his partner created. It's better to break ties if the friendship isn't working.