Long Distance Love.

I think long distance relationships are a challenge unless both are equally committed and have lots of free time, ideally both retired and able to spend time in each others homes.

It might be time to find out what the relationship status is and that might stop your hoping and hurting. And if you are very available he might just be suiting himself because he knows you can/will wait.

I think, if I were you, I might be very busy, not quite so available and miss a few phone calls and not suggest meeting up...see what his response is. He may be taking you for granted because you are letting him.

Being unavailable can make the other person more actively 'in pursuit'. Being too keen, at any age, can feel like pressure to the other person and perhaps he is sensing that. You have fallen head over heals and maybe he hasn't

Another thought is he may be one of those people who can't say no to a request for help and puts that before everything else, including you, and that's not great for you.

I wish you well... not an easy place to be.

Been there got the t shirt. We were only 40 miles apart but our priorities were different. The more he let me down the more I wanted to see him. Having just gone through a painful divorce I then had to tear myself away from a relationship that was going nowhere. But once I had been able to do that we were able to resume our telephone friendship but without me depending on him.

I don’t think beautybumble will like these answers it’s not at all what she wants to hear I feel sorry because she obviously is putting her heart and soul into this relationship after a bad marriage a long time ago and, I also don’t think she will see it as a outsider can view it
You deserve so much better BB although I think you believe you have the best person in the world ?

Take it for what it is contact no conflict. I think the romance you think you have is exactly that on the phone and in your head. Keep,it that way. Sorry for being blunt but you did ask.

I would ask myself why you are willing to put up with this when he is doing the bare minimim - you deserve a person that truly wants to be with you

Caleo

Don't let your imagination run away with you.

I agree.

These long phone calls must be marvellous and no wonder you are in love, BB.

In love makes you vulnerable. Do be careful.

I live 145 miles away from my partner. We try to spend as much time as we can together, I work he doesn’t. He lives near the sea so it’s lovely to visit my ‘holiday home’ and he spends time with me, we share care of our dog. Yes it can work but both need to fully commit to it. Looks like you both need to be honest with each other about what you both want.

I’ve had an LDR that worked - we’ve been married a long time - when at times we were as much as 8,000 miles apart, and never less than 900, and, like Esspee, we saw each other more than you seem to despite both of us having jobs.

Given what you say about this man being able to take time off whenever he wants, and that the distance in your case is relatively small, I think you have to recognise that you are not a priority in his life, nor ever likely to be. Don’t waste your time and energy on him, put it into your developing your own local social life and friendships. .

Esspee, I am quite aware of what the term means..........but it is certainly not confined to physical sex, of any kind. Your condemnation and criticism of me personally is not helping the OP at all.

Maybe the OP does have a physical relationship with her man friend, that's her business and she has no need to share that on here. She asked for comments, opinions and constructive help and I gave my comments - end of!!!

PollyDolly My mum used to think that oral sex was another name for sex chat lines and my brother used to send messages signing off LOL which he thought meant lots of love. Friends with benefits refers to people you have intercourse with without any commitment. I just want to save you embarrassment if you are using the term incorrectly.

All my instincts are telling me that you need to be cautious.
"He can take time off whenever he likes". So why doesn't he then? I wouldn't trust him an inch. But that's me, I am cynical. I hope I'm wrong and you find lasting happiness.

Esspee

*PollyDolly*. Where does the OP suggest that sex has been involved? You are aware that is what FWB means?

I wasn't implying that they were having physical sex.......and actually providing a nice meal is a benefit, having a cuddle is a benefit, having someone do your laundry is a benefit - but he has been visiting for some reason, it is just sad that he won't commit.

Perhaps he needs to work to get money to live on.

Not everybody had a well-paid job with a good second pension, or any second pension at all.

PollyDolly. Where does the OP suggest that sex has been involved? You are aware that is what FWB means?

Some very wise words on this thread. You say that you are 72 years old beautybumble......perhaps your body is but you heart is that of a love sick teenager. If this man truly wanted to be with you then he would be. He is stringing you along and unfortunately you are nothing more than a 'friend with benefits'

I entered into a long distance relationship once (11,000+ miles) and we managed to be together far more than you seem to be able to.

Simply, he’s just not that into you.

I suggest you scale down your telephone calls and find other things to occupy your time. He needs your adoration but it is enough for him while you desperately want more.

I would tell him that he clearly has priorities way more important than you so you feel you are wasting both your time on these long chats. Tell him you’d love to stay friends so perhaps a monthly call would be more appropriate. Stay firm and if he is serious he will come to you.

Very wise answers from ladies with life long experiences . Sometimes the truth hurts.

Reading through your original post again
Do you really believe a man of 72 is going to spend 3 weeks working 12 hours a day He would be wonder man to do that I think he is giving you a good story and you are believing every word He is putting off coming to see you
Be very very careful you are on the verge of getting badly hurt I m afraid beauty

but it hurts so much that we can't be together you can be together but he’s choosing not to be,

This is such a shame for you you have invested your all please please take care

So he is stringing you along...

If he truly wanted to be with you, he would

He doesnt

You love the idea of him in your head, not the real him

Move on, I would not call this a relationship
It is flirting and daydreaming

Be very careful!

Don't let your imagination run away with you.

In my opinion long distance relationships don’t often work
He’s not dropping everything to run to you is he ? You say we have not met as often as we would like but that should really read ‘as much as I would like’ ! As he’s just had the opportunity and turned it down
Are you sure this is the same for both of you I do hope it is for your sake but you sound like a teenager and he sounds like an old man set in his ways
At 72 he could retire and put all his energy in exciting things for the two of you to do together but he wants to keep working so where does that leave you ? Either staying 240 miles away waiting for the phone to ring each evening or sitting in his house whilst he goes to work Not a great prospect either way
What a shame when you think you ve found someone after all these years I do wish you well beauty

I don’t understand what the issue is really, why don’t you go and stay with him? That’s the only way you’re going to find out if you’re compatible, as he obviously has a busy life and won’t be moving, and you haven’t mentioned that you have any ties.

beautybumble
Are you really 72?