Secrets

Surely when your mum is no longer around the reason for the stress between you and your sister will be gone. I think a family WhatsApp is a good idea, we have one and I happened to find out our three children have one of their own which I think is great and I hope they will keep an eye on me if necessary. My brother and I split the care of mum between us, you can't know everything about everything. Having said that your mum is enjoying her secret life I think.

Sounds like you’re both still jostling for the position of “favourite” child. Sibling rivalry.

Maybe your Mum always used it maybe it gets on her nerves.

Not sure what you ant to happen to be honest.

You can't stop her Mattsmum, just accept that this is how she is.

It's none of your sister's business what your mum does with her money, as your mum's said it's her business. You've said that you probably wont be in contact with your sister when your mum's no longer around so it doesn't sound as if you're worried about any of this impacting on your relationship with her.

That sounds like a lot of families Norah, there would have been things I'd have said to one of our son's and not necessarily his brother.

Take Norah's suggestion on board Mattsmum don't concern yourself with what your sister knows and don't talk about what you know.

It sounds like there's a bit of triangulation going on. It can cause all sorts of problems.

Mattsmum2 I don't say every word to all my 4 daughters, I see them together and separately. They are different persons, really.

One helps with medical details, one likes to organize things, one cares for money details, one likes to drive and garden. All aspects covered without input from all four (or my 8 GC and 4 GGC).

Maybe don't concern yourself with what your sister knows and don't talk about what you know (the secrets)?

If you feel this is going to impact your relationship with your sister - you need to act, whether it is conscious or unconscious behaviour on her end

Hithere

Why does your mother wants to pit you against your sister?

How is the relationship with your sister?

Yes, it is your mother's life and she tells whomever she wants, but she is playing a dangerous game here and you and your sister are her toys

Honestly, I would keep the relationship with your mother at a superficial level and when she goes on "secret" mode, I would tell her you do not want to know and change subject

If she insists, hang up the phone.

Anything my mum does is not malicious and I won’t have a superficial relationship with her.

Why does your mother wants to pit you against your sister?

How is the relationship with your sister?

Yes, it is your mother's life and she tells whomever she wants, but she is playing a dangerous game here and you and your sister are her toys

Honestly, I would keep the relationship with your mother at a superficial level and when she goes on "secret" mode, I would tell her you do not want to know and change subject

If she insists, hang up the phone.

Debbi58

I'm wondering why your sister had access to your Mum's bank account ? , my Mum is 82 and of sound mind etc. I have 3 sisters and she tells us all different things . I try and take what she says with a pinch of salt tbh, but if its anything serious , we're all in a WhatsApp group, to discuss Mum etc

I didn’t know she had access, she says she’s terrified of mum being scammed. Mums pretty savvy , is 80, still drives, uses a laptop and is on social media. She is, however getting confused about somethings, I think she’s doing ok. The thing my sister doesn’t see as she lives close is what I see as I stay for longer periods and overnight. I have access to her emails, which she knows about, I’m not nosey just get rid if her junk and check emails that come in.

I'm wondering why your sister had access to your Mum's bank account ? , my Mum is 82 and of sound mind etc. I have 3 sisters and she tells us all different things . I try and take what she says with a pinch of salt tbh, but if its anything serious , we're all in a WhatsApp group, to discuss Mum etc