Was your husband 'badly brought up'?

Only in so far that he never had fruit or fresh vegetables. Lots of cake and pudding though. It has been a long and continuous struggle to get him to eat half an apple .

One way my DH was badly brought up in a house of three men, one woman, was in leaving the loo seat up. I guess his mum gave up trying on that score.
When I married DH he was a single parent and very capable. I only worked part time, so I took on most of the routine household tasks. DH did a lot of DIY and we never needed to pay a workman. Since we both retired the allocation of jobs has been very traditionally based. Now DH can no longer do DIY, and I am having to do more of “ his” jobs, I think it is time he did more of mine.
I have just been away for a few days and he has cooked, washed, hoovered, so maybe I should stand back and let him do it more often. Not sure he will though.

icanhandthemback, I’m inclined to agree that it’s sometimes gone a bit too far the other way. On MN there are now and then complaints from SAHMs - even with just one baby - that their dh with a full time job isn’t doing an equal share of the cooking and cleaning.

My dh is very good, but for many years he worked very long hours during a 6 day week, so I never expected help with anything domestic.

I once read in some agony column of a woman (no children) who worked rather shorter hours than her dh, and earned considerably less, but was very bitter that although he was entirely willing to pay for a cleaner, he wasn’t going to spend his limited free time cleaning. She refused the cleaner, insisting that he ought to do it ‘on principle’. The dispute had become so serious that she said it was turning into grounds-for-divorce territory!

OTOH I once saw a lovely cartoon - man in suit with briefcase evidently just home, standing with an ? face at the door of a living room which was utter chaos, mess everywhere, kids fighting, etc.

The ‘bubble’ from the seated woman said, ‘I thought the best way of showing you what on earth I do all day, was not to do it.’ ?

Dh was one of 4 sons of a very determined mother. Their father was lovely - gentle and kind.

So my dh is helpful, thoughtful and also kind. Strangely, while one of his brothers is very like him, the other two are quite selfish and old school.

My dh has just come in to tell me the dyson is blowing white smoke. Not sure what that means ( but yes its broken). We have another vaccuum cleaner in the garage so hes gone to get that to finish hoovering.
In the late60s/early 70 s I used to get told by friends just how lucky I was that he 'helped me' around the house.
I pointed out we both worked full time and he wasnt helping me, but doing his share around our home.
It took some early training, but well worth the effort though not sure what his mother thought.
Suppose I had better stop and get on with my jobs around the house.

My FiL ran a small business MiL was in health care they had just my DH. They both worked long hours and did nothing together apart from taking turns to do the cooking. Their marriage was an arrangement they accepted it and just got on.
My DH spent a lot of time on his own like a latch key kid it made him self reliant. He had to do a lot for himself as both his parents put work earning a living their main priority.
My DH took over the business when it was too much for his dad. He enjoyed the work and had his own home to run until we married. He quite liked being looked after by me as his earlier home life was rather cold and unloving. But it made him independent so I don’t think he was brought up badly. Since retirement he does all he can in the home never afraid of work.

Maybe we need a thread where we celebrate the best in the people we love.

ExDancer, that’s my first husband and his parents to a T. Thankfully my second husband was brought up very differently and is very willing and able to share the load. You have my deepest sympathy.

RichmondPark1

Thank you NotSpaghetti. Our friends, family and I adore him and are constantly bewildered at how he has managed to be such a happy, loving, positive person given the pretty shoddy start in life he had.

?

ExDancer you could be describing my late FIL. However my own DH is nothing at all like this and yet his older brother has all the behaviours that their father had. They were both pretty well brought up if you use the context of the 50s/60s/70s.
I don't know how you explain it.

Come on OP. You’ve had him for 60 years.

The cake you’ve baked, I’m afraid??

Thank you NotSpaghetti. Our friends, family and I adore him and are constantly bewildered at how he has managed to be such a happy, loving, positive person given the pretty shoddy start in life he had.

My DH was a very precious only son but over the years I at least partly trained him, though he needed prompting. My DS and DSiL are very competent and DSiL could run a hotel and its grounds single handed. I can’t think that modern mothers would allow their sons to be as useless as DH was at the beginning - would they?

No - my husband’s father died when he was very young so he had to help his mum quite a lot growing up. I prefer to do the cooking because it is quicker but he clears it all up. I do the washing and ironing because I am weird and quite like it. He does the bins, lawns and usually pays the bills which are online these days. I weed because he can’t be stuffed and doesn’t know the difference between plants and weeds!

RichmondPark1 - what a nice little piece about your husband.
I know you don't actually "rave" about him in a gushing sort of way but your love and admiration shines through.

Some of us are truly blessed.

Judging by my DIL's (who are lovely btw so this is not a criticism) I think this sort of sense of entitlement is definitely on the wane. My sons cook, clean, do their own washing, do their own ironing and are expected to do the things they traditionally did too. I sometimes think that it has rather tipped the other way but they are quite capable of holding their corner if they felt hard done by.
Only one of my DIL's takes it to the extreme but when my usually unobservant husband pondered out loud to his son that he seemed to be doing 4 jobs, doing all the above and generally killing himself whilst his wife stayed home and only did what she felt like doing with her hobbies, it made for a very uncomfortable time. I still think they have distanced themselves somewhat and our son must get something out of the relationship because he seems happy enough. Just as well, because I suspect nothing will ever change. My only concern is that because our son is sometimes very tired and one of his jobs means he has to drop everything and run at the sound of an alerter, they have an awful lot of takeaways so both he and his wife are likely to less healthy.

My FiL was very 'old school' and expected my MiL to be busy all the time looking after him and the children.

However... my DH has always helped around the house and when his sister married, her husband helped her, too. FiL obviously noticed and, by the time he retired, MiL had a part-time job and he was helping with the washing up. In his later years he looked after himself, cooking, washing and cleaning until he was no longer able to.

My husband was badly brought up, but in a different way. His father left when he a toddler and he was raised by his mother who had mental health issues. He was pretty much neglected and learned to fend for himself.

We happily share all the chores equally although I guess we do have our 'specialist areas' e.g. he never irons, I never put out bins.

His is always very appreciative of anything anyone does for him. I do so wish he'd had an easier start in life.

My MIL brought him up to help out, in the kitchen, with washing, shopping and more. And he does his own ironing too. She was a hard woman, she had to be, and I am very grateful to her.

A bit more info. His mother was slightly disabled after contracting Polio. Also he was a student for a several years gaining his professional qualifications. So he’s had a lot of domestic practice.

No not at all, in fact he’s ironing as I write.

I sincerely hope he is the last of that type. We both do whatever is needed there is no my job or his job. There are some things that he does better than me and some I do better than him but if something needs doing then we will both do it.

My EX husband had a father who was obeyed !! Mum worked full time as a nursing sister and brought 7 kids up
The girls (notice the girls) used to have to take his shoes off when he sat down after work and then bring his dinner in on a tray
Consequently my husband knew no other way than to expect a ‘housewife’ while he went out to play it lasted 12 years….they were long years and wouldn’t have lasted 2 if I hadn’t have loved the man so much