Freeloading nephew

I would say if you want to join us it will cost so much and we need the money now to budget for the day . No paying up no Christmas .Surely everyone knows how tight things are going to be.

welbeck

i think they've been playing away over on MN...

Thank you welbeck why can't people just put that.

I am uncomfortable about leaving him out of Christmas as we are his only family; but have already let him know Christmas this year isn’t going to work.

Like V3ra* I assumed he was alone but he has a wife so he has a family. Does his wife have extended family? Do they not want to visit her family at Christmas?

As you say you are his only family, does he see himself as an honorary child of yours?

If he does, that's lovely but he needs to be treated like the other adult children ie asked contribute to the expenses.

Do they all come and stay for 7 days over Christmas?
Goodness! You're brave!

When we were skint young teachers, we used to each put a given amount into the pot, if we went for a drink or a meal (rather than rotate who pays and the 'I paid last time').

He is not on his own... he has a wife!

Family or not, he is taking you for granted.

Xmas, family vacations, etc are to have fun and enjoy, not to put up with somebody just for the sake of family

Stop inviting him.
If he knocks on your door, send him back

Now - just because you earn a good salary - or doesnt translate on affording what you think he can afford

His budget is his own and his money goes to his priorities

it's his duty to sponge off you, for ever and ever.
poor thing.
what will happen if you are not around, will your children be lumbered with him in perpetuity.
he has a wife, so not some poor lonely male.
why can't he go to her family, indeed why doesn't she want him to, or better, entertain his wife's family.
could you or your children say, it's all obviously too much for the elders now, and in a smaller house, so we are taking it in turn to host.
how about we all come to yours, nephew, for xmas.

When you mentioned expenses, did you ask for contribution or just bring up how expensive things were?

Some people do not “do” hints. You need to be very clear with your expectations from them.

I’m curious why you kept paying on the holiday he wasn’t invited on

if you know what i mean.

aggie

Maybe he doesn’t like to not come IUKWIM ?
He might think it’s his duty to attend ?

What is IUKWIM ?

I agree with BlueBelle be clear with your nephew about what is needed then it's up to him if he wants to come.

Maybe he doesn’t like to not come IUKWIM ?
He might think it’s his duty to attend ?

I thought he was on his own too. Doesn't his wife have family they could visit - or entertain - at Christmas?

Let him know that this year everyone is contributing £xx and say you know he understands the situation. Where is his wife in all this ? I too thought he was on his own . Does he attended family gatherings without her ? If so what is going on ??

Have your children noticed that he never coughs up? Maybe one of them could ‘have a word’, and say they think everybody should contribute?

Do you actually like him and enjoy his visits?

If yes, I agree with above. Just tell him that everyone is contributing this time. If not, tell him this year you will be spending Christmas elsewhere as it is all getting too much for you now.

I also think the rising cost of food and energy prices gives you a perfect opportunity to broach the subject with him. Failing that wouldn’t one of your children have a word with him in your behalf?

As you say you are his only family, does he see himself as an honorary child of yours?
If before retirement you didn't ask your own children for any financial contribution maybe that's why he didn't think to contribute?
Does he know they contribute now?

I must say I was surprised by your last line about him being married, I'd assumed he was on his own!
So do you have two free-loaders each time?

Well, with a smaller house making for a tight squeeze and your nephew and his wife not being short of a bob or two I think you can definitely tell him he'll need to book his accommodation at a nearby B&B if he wants to join the family for Christmas.

Or ask what his contribution will be towards Christmas dinner as all the preparation is getting harder for you. It may make him think twice.

I would just say that with the rising cost of everything we are all chipping in, this will be your contribution.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. We have spoken to him before about expenses to no avail. I am uncomfortable about leaving him out of Christmas as we are his only family; but have already let him know Christmas this year isn’t going to work. My children have been informed that they will be financially responsible for his expenses if they choose to tell him of our trips. So sorry things turned out this way.

Why don’t you just speak to him and his wife about it?

Don’t ‘mention’ trips or similar to him in future.

?

Or just be honest and say. 'Now we have retired, we are not as well off as before and cannot afford to treat everybody at family events. The children have agreed that they will contribute £x to the celebrations and we think it only fair, that if you want to join us, you do the same.

The next problem will be when he agrees, says he will chip in - and then fails to do so.