Freeloading nephew

Why not just say "we are all chipping in for this, your share will be x"

Stop inviting him

I’m very confused on why you paid for him on holiday after he pushed his way in

Just tell him. Otherwise resentment will build and you might say something you regret later. Perhaps he has never even thought about it, some people are like that.

People behave as they have always behaved unless they are told or asked to act differently

You have laid down the boundaries over the years by never asking for any contribution from him now you expect him to be a mind reader

So instead of holding resentment you need to be clear
“John we love to see you and Mary at christmas but this year we are all chipping in £20 each (or whatever amount you feel right) towards the food

Or just be honest and say. 'Now we have retired, we are not as well off as before and cannot afford to treat everybody at family events. The children have agreed that they will contribute £x to the celebrations and we think it only fair, that if you want to join us, you do the same.

The next problem will be when he agrees, says he will chip in - and then fails to do so.

Don’t ‘mention’ trips or similar to him in future.

?

Why don’t you just speak to him and his wife about it?

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. We have spoken to him before about expenses to no avail. I am uncomfortable about leaving him out of Christmas as we are his only family; but have already let him know Christmas this year isn’t going to work. My children have been informed that they will be financially responsible for his expenses if they choose to tell him of our trips. So sorry things turned out this way.

I would just say that with the rising cost of everything we are all chipping in, this will be your contribution.

Well, with a smaller house making for a tight squeeze and your nephew and his wife not being short of a bob or two I think you can definitely tell him he'll need to book his accommodation at a nearby B&B if he wants to join the family for Christmas.

Or ask what his contribution will be towards Christmas dinner as all the preparation is getting harder for you. It may make him think twice.

As you say you are his only family, does he see himself as an honorary child of yours?
If before retirement you didn't ask your own children for any financial contribution maybe that's why he didn't think to contribute?
Does he know they contribute now?

I must say I was surprised by your last line about him being married, I'd assumed he was on his own!
So do you have two free-loaders each time?

I also think the rising cost of food and energy prices gives you a perfect opportunity to broach the subject with him. Failing that wouldn’t one of your children have a word with him in your behalf?

Do you actually like him and enjoy his visits?

If yes, I agree with above. Just tell him that everyone is contributing this time. If not, tell him this year you will be spending Christmas elsewhere as it is all getting too much for you now.

Have your children noticed that he never coughs up? Maybe one of them could ‘have a word’, and say they think everybody should contribute?

Let him know that this year everyone is contributing £xx and say you know he understands the situation. Where is his wife in all this ? I too thought he was on his own . Does he attended family gatherings without her ? If so what is going on ??

I thought he was on his own too. Doesn't his wife have family they could visit - or entertain - at Christmas?

Maybe he doesn’t like to not come IUKWIM ?
He might think it’s his duty to attend ?

aggie

Maybe he doesn’t like to not come IUKWIM ?
He might think it’s his duty to attend ?

What is IUKWIM ?

I agree with BlueBelle be clear with your nephew about what is needed then it's up to him if he wants to come.

if you know what i mean.

When you mentioned expenses, did you ask for contribution or just bring up how expensive things were?

Some people do not “do” hints. You need to be very clear with your expectations from them.

I’m curious why you kept paying on the holiday he wasn’t invited on

it's his duty to sponge off you, for ever and ever.
poor thing.
what will happen if you are not around, will your children be lumbered with him in perpetuity.
he has a wife, so not some poor lonely male.
why can't he go to her family, indeed why doesn't she want him to, or better, entertain his wife's family.
could you or your children say, it's all obviously too much for the elders now, and in a smaller house, so we are taking it in turn to host.
how about we all come to yours, nephew, for xmas.

Family or not, he is taking you for granted.

Xmas, family vacations, etc are to have fun and enjoy, not to put up with somebody just for the sake of family

Stop inviting him.
If he knocks on your door, send him back

Now - just because you earn a good salary - or doesnt translate on affording what you think he can afford

His budget is his own and his money goes to his priorities

He is not on his own... he has a wife!