Thinking of leaving my husband after 45 years .

A lot happier and you will worry a lot less, well that's how I feel east12. You have been married a lot longer than I was, but please don't waste anymore of your life with this man.
My ex had a great job, we had the big house, cars, holidays, but what is the point of it all when you are unhappy. I promise you that you will get through it all and come out the other side far happier. Honestly.
I've been in my own now for 12 years, no more men, dogs are far better companions.
Hope you make the right decision, it's time for you now to be happy, you deserve to be ?

Leave NOW! I left an abusive husband after nearly 42 years of marriage. I was 63. 6 years later I am so happy on my own with support from my family. I should have left years earlier. Like a previous poster said don’t be like me!

Do it. Plan ahead and get your finances in order. You have a lot of living left to do. I wish you well

At 65 you are young, time spread your wings and live, you need to be outgoing with lots of activities even work to fill your time.

Speaking from experience, life will be much better! You will be free! I’m 64 and have been divorced for 5 years now. As others have said, you need to speak to a solicitor and get sound advice. Divorce is expensive but don’t let that put you off. Mine cost about £16K in the end because my ex-husband dragged his heels and tried to control everything. However, as it turns out, it was the best £16K I’ve ever spent!

Put all your eggs in basket work out your finances seek solicitor advice and go east12 I can’t think of anything worse than living with an abuser, you say you have always had the best of everything as he earns well, but that’s just material things, I’d put peace of mind and contentment over material things from a abusive man anyway of the week! Good luck to you

I’ve been married for 54 years and I’m reminded every day, sometimes several times a day, by his behaviour towards me that I’ve been incredibly stupid not to have left him on one of the three occasions over the last 25 years or so that I intended to go. His age has always been a difficult factor in the decision as he is 18 years older than me.

When I was 52 (and had put an offer in on a house for myself) I finally couldn’t bring myself to leave a 70 year old who I’ve often thought had ‘issues’ possibly ASD related. Today he is 91, behaves no better towards me and I am still here.

Over the year I’ve developed coping mechanisms, have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle but do not have what I consider to be a good life. I threw that away because I didn’t put myself first when considering the way ahead.

Don’t be like me.

You will be much happier on your own. No-one should stay with an abusive spouse.

Apart from getting financial advice, discuss the whole matter honestly with a solicitor. You need to know how to go about proving that you are divorcing your husband for cruelty and what to do about taking out an injunction against him if he tries to force his way into your new home.

An abusive husband will often refuse to accept that his wife has left him. In our time my husband and I have helped more than one young or not so young woman phone the police and the ambulance because her ex-husband refused to accept that he could not just turn up and force an entry into her home and demand the contents of her household purse.

You and me both!

I wish I'd found out sooner how living alone is wonderful

DorothyGlamour

east12, before you make your move, please plan where you will live, what your income will be and its source, what budget you need, etc.

Otherwise you risk moving into a different mess.

I wish you well.

This!

It's great to be an independent woman, in charge of your own life. Good luck to you.

I think a lot of us have reached your position at different times in our lives. I can think of friends who left and are very happy,others who are lonely and yet another who lives in one half of the house and her husband in the other.
Have you got the backing of any family members and will they be there for you? You are going to need support. If you feel you can cope then do what you want. No one should suffer abuse be it mental or physical.

Being without a bully in your life will be the BEST of EVERYTHING.
You will need to sort yourself out where to go live money etc and then go ?

Life will be better. Good on you for making this decision.

My response to o/p question is simply this, if you don’t leave him you never find out.

Thistledon talks of a lonely life in a somewhat negative tone. This I do not understand, partly because many of us exist happily alone. I am sure that the o/p has already experienced shocking loneliness in her presents circumstances.

East12 fear nothing and take whatever steps necessary to improve your life.

You sold your soul it seems.
Now you’ll get it back.

DorothyGlamours advice is spot on east12.
You wont regret leaving him,i did it after over 30 odd years and never looked back.

Just wanted to say "Good Luck" x

Get a lawyer as soon as possible!

Well it could be a lonely life albeit a healthier one. I don't advocate staying in an abusive marriage but the path ahead will not be strewn with roses. You need to consider your income post the split. Your now husband will not be compelled to financially support you in your single hood! Naturally you will be awarded a settlement but presumably you will need to buy a property? Just think it through very carefully before you make a move. Do you have a trustworthy friend in whom you can confide?

I agree with previous posters — life is much nicer once you are on your own. I wasn’t abused, just incompatible for 24 years. Don’t waste any more of your life.

Agree with all of the above. Congratulations - been there, done that.
Enjoy the rest of you life ?

Much happier east12, and I speak from experience!
Wishing you all the many good things you deserve
going forward, ever forward, you won't look back x

east12, before you make your move, please plan where you will live, what your income will be and its source, what budget you need, etc.

Otherwise you risk moving into a different mess.

I wish you well.