girlfriend and drinking

". jheez, tough crowd...."

oh, grow up!

I think you are trying to manipulate her into being who you want her to be and not able to accept her as she actually is.

Going a bit OTT with alcohol, ie over 1 or 2, once a month, unless there are health issues, is not big deal frankly.

Stop trying to control her behaviour with disapproval, or find someone who thinks like you.

There is nothing wrong with you not wanting to drink or share a life with someone who does drink at her level

but theres imo a lot wrong with trying to make her behave like you. And how? Discussion? or threats?

to answer Rosie- on occasion- stumbling over- falling- more than once.
acting loud- no filter- yes there have been few instances where people have noticed and commented

I have been following this thread and have not commented as I’m fairly sure it’s a wind up.
However to read that Mokryna could ever suggest filming someone whilst “ under the influence” and then play it is really grim.
I would hope nobody would ever secretly film me.

If I could pop back in now OP some have given Alanon as a suggestion in your situation I don't really think this would help this is for partners and friends of alcoholics I don't think you would get much identification there.
May I ask what she does that is so embarrassing to you? Does anyone else notice or comment.

I think it`s a good idea that someone suggested about videoing her,then playing it back to her to let her know WHY it bothers you.
But you could open a massive can of worms and hurt her .

Maw- maybe i am not understanding this forum- I am taking all the advice- am i not allowed to continue a discussion with more info and comments??
Pascal- yes it's for real- I didn't say she couldn't relax once a month- when she does- it's in excess causing her to act sometimes in an embarrassing way- i am not judging- I am asking for advice..... jheez, tough crowd....

Is this for real? Why on earth can't she relax once a month...without being judged..

Oops.
6.30.
Still not wittering.

Well, he last posted at 4 something.

That's hardly wittering on.

MawtheMerrier

I suggest you join Al Anon for informed advice and support

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire is there for anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else's drinking .

Find out more information about Al-Anon Family Groups and the support available
www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

You have been given practical advice- why are you still wittering on instead of taking it?

Can you get past her once a month bit of fun can she accept any faults you have surely love is about accepting faults and the bits we don’t like as well as the stuff we love I don’t know
who am I to say I m divorced ?

If my dh filmed me whilst drunk once a month I would leave him immediately.
I think it's fine for you to say you cant cope with this, I think it's also fine for her to say tough!

When I was small and sulked my mother put a mirror in front of me, to make me realize what I looked like. Film your friend when she is inebriated on your phone. Show it to her when she is sober, so she can see what you don’t like. Important, delete straight away so it doesn’t get seen or sent by anyone else. However this may not be very kind thing to do.

Huskyfan I can completely relate to your dilemma, I had the same with my boyfriend ( now my husband ) we're both 57 now . When we met 13 years ago , we had both been divorced for over 10 years. We hit it off straight away and everything was going great , then we went to Christmas party with some of his friends . He got really drunk and acted completely out of character, I was so shocked and upset. When I mentioned his behaviour the next day , he couldn't remember a thing ! I told him how upset it made me , I like a drink myself but never to excess . He promised me it would never happen again and it didn't for ages , then one weekend, out with his friends . Again the next day full of remorse etc . This happened a few more times over the next few years , i soon realised I couldn't control his drinking, so I no longer go out with him socially. Its a shame but I can't put myself in that situation again. Besides this , he's a great husband and step dad to my 2 grown up daughters. He no longer drinks to excess, something he must of decided himself I guess .

Ok Rosie- thanks- Maybe the issue is with me- this i why i posted to get feedback. I have to figure out how to best deal with it when she drinks- I don't like it but i guess that is OK. Yes I drank a little in the past (Never that much)- Most i drink is maybe a beer or two every now and again. I can stop and have no desire to keep going.....

Well it’s always a bit weird if you’re with someone who is drinking a lot while you’re sober, but if you’re doing to be sniffy and superior about, she’ll probably just drink more.
We don’t drink hardly at all anymore, but we used to enjoy going out drinking with our friends, it’s not a bad thing to do if she’s only doing it once a month.

huskyfan the problem is from your description yours not hers. Ok so she likes a few drinks on the occasion but doesn’t drink to excess on a regular basis. Having more than one or two drinks when out is not unusual for the average drinker.
I also do not drink alcohol but I used to and far too much but I have no problem whatsoever with others enjoying it. My DH can drink like a fish far more than one or two.
Did you drink alcohol in the past ?

no- not perfect at all- Was just looking for input and suggestions. I'm sure there are plenty of things i do that annoy her- I was just looking at this as more of a choice she is making on her point - but i hear what everyone is saying

Are you perfect or do you do anything she doesn’t like sometimes
Life together is a compromise you let her have her once a month silly giggly night and she lets you ………… I don’t know whatever
But if it bothers you that much then break up and go your own way as it will bother you more and more as time goes on

I think it's a bit of a slippery slope to decide that it someone should do as they're asked for no other reason than it "hurts" you.

If it's once a month and you're not happy in her company at that time, why don't you go out and do something that you do enjoy, leave her to it?
Go to the cinema, go and visit a friend or relative?
Better for both of you than sitting there with disapproval written all over your face!

Well, a partner still has to be their own person.

That isn't deliberately to hurt you, but so that she isn't manipulated into pretending to be someone she isn't.

Thanks Jane- it's not a bad example- I have always used the example to her that what if I smoked? (she hates that)- if I smoked once a month to "relax" knowing you don't like it- how would you feel? I guess I look at it like- She is making a choice to do something I don't like- so that part hurts- but I also have to look at it like- I should be OK with her doing something she likes since it's not that often.

If it’s literally about once a month and not a daily problem I think you really are being a bit unreasonable what’s wrong with getting silly in your own home once a month
Obviously if she was doing it every night or even every weekend I d say you had a problem
You miss the person she is for a few hours once a month….so….
And that’s from me who s not much of a drinker ?