Christmas Gifting

Mawthemerrier
I think it’s so rude to correct someone’s grammar in a post, unless you are a teacher teaching a student which you are not

We stopped the majority of gifts years ago. We send a card and inside put “in lieu of gifts this year our chosen charity is ……… “. Rather a charity received the benefit. We find that works very well - no unwanted gifts.

Blimey, £300! That's way too much! What on Earth are you buying?? You can buy decent gift sets/food/biscuits for a tenner. If your mil doesn't like that, tough. If you can't knock it on the head altogether, lower your budget considerably x

Christmas is a stressful time for many people these days since it has lost its meaning. A lot of money is wasted on presents each year and it is difficult to know what to buy for each individual. I still have lots of toiletries left from previous years.
I am housebound and live far away from my family. So I now send a cheque to my granddaughter so that she can buy something appropriate for her three children, herself and husband. My grandsons who are now in their fifties and childless get a cheque to cover the cost of a meal out.
My son and daughter in law a new shrub or tree for their large garden.
I have outlived all my friends so no problem there. Nowadays it is just another Sunday for me.

They can't make her buy presents. She needs to be firm and say they are only buying for immediate family. If they don't like it, tough S**T! She can emphasise that they can't afford it, and do not want to be unable to pay bills due to buying so many presents,

WOW! That is just ridiculous. They have a thriving business, yet spend bugger all on you and buy stuff you don't want/can't use, and yet you spend £300 between 4 of them. Really?! Never mind about what your husbands parents want, if they want you to spend a lot on them, then they can give you the money. Cut it down to less than £10 per person. Get stuff in sales/on offer, or whatever and save your money for your close family. Bills have gone up drastically, so they should not have the nerve to say anything if you cut down on costs hugely, and in any case they are not generous with you and take no care in choosing suitable gifts.

I think £300 for people who give little thought to what they buy for you and do not go to the same expense, is too much.

It would be a little awkward now to suddenly say you are no longer continuing with this tradition but I would certainly get less expensive gifts, particularly as they are well off and you are finding finances more difficult.

We used to do secret santa (£40 each limit, wish list) but, having had two very close bereavements in November 2020, we were too upset to bother much about Christmas. It was just enough to have a quiet and relaxing time with our small family. We didn't bother with secret santa again last year and I'm not sure if we will reinstate it. I always thought it was a bit silly for adults to feel it necessary.

Tell them you have been moved to make donations to charity. Choose a charity and tell them which one you prefer but ask if they have a preference for another. Make a modest donation to whichever charity is chosen. Tell them you would rather they did the same for you instead of gifts.

You either say No or just buy the relatives rubbish such as they give you.

I sent a message to friends last year saying that I was having to stop as I was finding it hard with bills, etc and that they were probably feeling the pinch too and just to spend money in their own family and grandkids. They agreed and I'm sure were as relieved as I was that we put a stop to it.

Cut costs as much as you can this year but tell them you are not able to do it anymore and this will be the last year. They don't need to buy you anything next year either. As much as you like the tradition it's just too expensive now. If they care about you, they will understand.

MawtheMerrier

Please, please can we say giving .
This tendency to turn nouns into verbs is really annoying - eg medalling, podiuming etc!

So agree with you Maw. There's a lot of it on the tv too, 'are you going to bingo/Butlins' and 'do you pod' immediately spring to mind.

Mawthemerrier.
Hello! Given the approach.
Perhaps a more appropriate name could be Themorethemerrier.
Keep smiling. We all have our little irked ways.

LittleDot. Do you make things like jam or chutney? These make very acceptable festive gifts.in a nice jar with a bow and a decorative label. They don't tend to get pushed to the back of a cupboard. It will impress as a personal thoughtful gift.

I just buy for my 3 DGC and give money, wine/ spirits, biscuits and tin chocolates to my AC.
Send cards to extended family and friends and that's it. OH and I don't bother. I do a Xmas list for AC with cheapish items I want, eg flowers chocolates cookery book.

I would tell them that as all bills are rising you won't be doing presents this year apart from immediate family.

I think gift giving varies from family to family. We have no family nearby. When children were small we sent presents. But in recent years we haven't. We are going in Dec for a pre Christmas visit to see the family. Plan to take a really nice box of biscuits or chocolates and a bottle of Prosecco for each couple. There are a couple of young children, so we will look for something for them. Too difficult and expensive to buy individual gifts for 10 adults.

You need to break the cycle and the COL crisis is the perfect excuse to say sorry we dont have the budget this year. We need all out money for essentials. They may well find it as much of a pain as you do.

Back in 1979 I told my family I was no longer buying gifts or celebrating christmas. It took me several years to "train" them but in the end I managed it. It was not a budget thing. I was just fed up with it. For a few years I gave my parents small token presents such as socks or pot plants but eventually I stopped that as well. The upside was that they no longer had to think of anything to buy for me.

Nowadays I dont decorate, buy gifts or cards or any special food. I do give some money to my nephew who helps me a lot and he can buy what he wants.

I meant in more need than your family...

In my family it is only children who are given Christmas gifts unless parent/husband/wife/partner. I think the cycle here needs to be broken. I suggest you tell them that you are giving to charity instead. I give to Crisis at Christmas but there are so many charities in need more than they are. You could suggest that they do the same....

If they give your partner thoughtless gifts e.g. alcohol for a non-drinker, put it away until next year, gift wrap it and give it back! If the tradition is to continue, make a note of what they give you and give something of similar monetary value to them. How about a Christmas hamper from Lakeland? They start at less than £20 up to about £50. One each per couple will save you a minimum of £200. (If you don't have a Lakeland shop nearby you can visit lakeland.co.uk) Other hamper outlets are available. I just happen to have the Lakeland catalogue in front of me!

Mawthemerrier that was totally out of order to correct original posters grammar. I think you should apologise.

We agreed some time ago that adults would each receive a secret santa with a budget max set in advance and kids would get a present each. I thought this worked well.

This year, however, my SS was one of the GKs. So I end up buying a gift for each child plus a SS for my nominee.

I'm trying to work out how it works as the GKs wouldn't be expected to buy for one of the adults (surely).

It's doing my feeble brain in.. How can SS be so complicated? Maybe it's just me.

We do secret Santa amongst our family here and it works best.
£100 limit ( raised this year)
One gift each and we also put a wish list in too so that we get something that we might actually want.
Fact is we would spend a whole lot more and the gifts would most likely be unwanted and stuffed in drawers to later be recycled. It really is win win.

"Please, please can we say giving .
This tendency to turn nouns into verbs is really annoying - eg medalling, podiuming etc!"

Please, please can we stop correcting how posters express themselves? This tendency to police the grammar, terminology and chosen expressions of posters is really annoying, particularly when we have no idea of their background or country of origin. And it's very rude and bad mannered.

I just told all my friends and distant family I was stopping giving Christmas gifts several years ago. Most of them were relieved.
I exchange gifts with children and grandchildren only. Basically I can't be bothered anymore and most people have everything they need