Christmas Gifting

Grannynannywanny,
Secret Santa is a fabulous idea & we used to d this for many years doing exactly as you have described as in the GC wrote the names & chose & we spent £30 per adult .
I tried to do a £5 secret Santa to be brought from a Charity Shop ,we did this for a few years then that petered out . Now I do a Christmas Eve Box for the GC or one for the whole family to enjoy .I don't really set a price which may seem silly but we have a differing number of Children in each Family . Seems to work for us maybe that would work for the original poster x

I’m afraid I’m rather too generous, so I won’t say how much I spend on the family……3 AC, 2 ds.i.l., 2 teenage grandchildren, 1 bf and 4 little GC. Not that I have a lot, but what I have, I can’t take with me. I’ve never been mean, and I’m not going to start now🥳

Christmas presents cause so many problems, don’t they?
Madeleine45 I do like your solutions.

My problem is adult grandchildren. I think 21 is time to stop but how do I give to the 18 year old and not the 22 year old?
( 18 yr old is still at school) Then what about their partner?
I have no contact with either of them.
But they are a close knit family and my son and his wife will think I am really mean. Mind you, what I receive from them is usually inappropriate: alcohol we don’t drink, chocolates we can’t eat etc.

I had a friend, soul of generosity, who used to buy at least ninety presents each Christmas, but she expected gifts back in return. She gave gifts to friends and family, their children and their grandchildren, and was disappointed to receive only a general family gift, usually wine or food in return. I felt the recipients were trying to bring a close to this excessive present giving but she didn't see it like that; she thought they were mean. Difficult situation.

My niece and my son were of very similar age, but we lived a long way from each other and so you would find that different toys and games were popular, and could change quickly. so My sister and I used to decide of a specific amount of money to spend. Then she would buy for her daughter and I would buy for my son. We would send a gift tag written by us in a letter before christmas. Both children received something they really wanted and thought that their aunties were great at choosing presents. Regarding adults, this year surely is a very good time to be able to change habits, where we can quote cost of living and so forth as a good time to stop whatever is not working for all of you. I lived abroad quite a lot and posting parcels etc could be very expensive and you had to quote the contents and price etc so no surprise. So I found a years subscription for a magazine that the person would like, so Yachting Monthy for us and Gardeners World for my parents,were very popular. Often if money is tight , you dont allow yourself something like this, but it is much appreciated if it something you enjoy. But for some of my friends and definitely myself loved a book token or a boots token. A book token is not money, therefore you have the joy of choosing a book - a treat in itself to me - and not feeling guilty about spending actual money. Because I am a singer, life can be very frantic with all the christmas stuff to organise and then 3 rehearsals and a concert a week etc . so I had a strategy which some of you might find useful. I bought a box of Anton Berg Biscuits - they are rather like posh jaffa cakes, chocolat covered and with liqueur inside individually wrapped. So wrap the box up nicely in christmas paper and stick a gift tag on it but dont label it. Get a book token in a nice card. So my emergency gifts. If I have bought 4 gifts for a family and Fred is back from college early and unexpected, I can just write Fred on one or other of the gifts. Not rattling of paper making it obvious that I had forgotten etc. Now if all had gone well and had not needed the spare gifts, in January in the second week when we had got the children back to school and done the first basic clear up from the christmas stuff I used to invite 3 friends to come for coffee at my house. Lovely fresh coffee in china mugs with comfortable chairs and out came the delicious biscuits to enjoy. A treat for all our hard work over the period. If I had no birthdays or special occasion for the book token then that was a special treasured trip out for myself to be able to legitimately wander round the book shop and choose something to enjoy!

I used to buy for friends every year. One friend always gave me something she’d clearly been given by somebody else. I used to look at her gift and think why would she choose this for me? Then the penny dropped as they say. Other friends had no money worries, bought whatever they wanted across the space of each year for themselves. I took the bull by the horns. No more presents “we’ve all got what we need” so “let’s go out for lunch instead”. All were ok with it but the lunch out dwindled away after a couple of years. Now, it’s just a Christmas card. It can be managed if all are willing.

All sounds a bit bonkers so I’d gift everyone a bottle and card or vouchers and card and be done with it, then mid next year I’d politely and in a very friend manner suggest presents in the future are dispensed with but that you’d be happy to meet up, maybe in a restaurant and exchange cards and felicitations x

Gundy

Unfortunately, someone is going to get ticked off… if the custom is changed. But times are hard right now (inflation), perceptions of “gifts/gifting” get blown way out of proportion, and as adults we probably have more material things than we know what to do with.

Maybe it’s time for a change - not breaking the cycle entirely but reasonably: make an announcement that you will not be gifting this year but intend to have something for children (if there are any); since not everyone can afford costly items, stick with some “edibles” - home made is good, or chocolates, nuts, or an in-home dinner for them, etc.

The spirit is to be together and thankful. Be warm and inviting. Soon enough you’ll see either the wheat from the chaff - or - gratitude that you started the new trend.

PS - to your own immediate family, you should do whatever you want. This was for other relatives, partners or even friends caught up in a gifting (regifting?) cycle.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Good post Gundy - probably because it endorses my own views. especially the bit about “warm and inviting”
Presence not presents ?

I became trapped in a cycle of expensive gift buying for my sister-in-law, her husband, their AC and their families. It became silly, swapping almost identical Christmas lists, and as we hadn’t seen her family for 10 years, I became fed up with it all, even though we could afford the expense. After my DH died and DD2’s son was born, I took the bull by the horns and suggested she bought only for my two grandsons, and I would buy for her two grand daughters. She was very disappointed, as her hobby is shopping and begged that we still buy our AC’s something small - around £20, but that we still exchange (quite expensive perfume) gifts between the two of us.
It’s a compromise.

You may find that the people you are buying for feel the same as you do. For years a friend and I bought for each other and each other’s children. This then extended to grandchildren. I approach this 4 years ago saying it had got too much, she had been thinking the same but didn’t want to say

Put a small gift voucher in a Xmas card for each couple.
Then agree to avoid buying in the future

Unfortunately, someone is going to get ticked off… if the custom is changed. But times are hard right now (inflation), perceptions of “gifts/gifting” get blown way out of proportion, and as adults we probably have more material things than we know what to do with.

Maybe it’s time for a change - not breaking the cycle entirely but reasonably: make an announcement that you will not be gifting this year but intend to have something for children (if there are any); since not everyone can afford costly items, stick with some “edibles” - home made is good, or chocolates, nuts, or an in-home dinner for them, etc.

The spirit is to be together and thankful. Be warm and inviting. Soon enough you’ll see either the wheat from the chaff - or - gratitude that you started the new trend.

PS - to your own immediate family, you should do whatever you want. This was for other relatives, partners or even friends caught up in a gifting (regifting?) cycle.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

If they insist on gifts, then go to www.goodgifts.org/
and choose something for each of them.
You get a nice card with details of the gift inside it, which you can hand over - and you will know that your money is helping someone who really needs it (& of course, it's difficult for your relatives to whinge about doing this...?)
I started to do this several years ago - and it's surprising how quickly people accept it...! ?

Haven’t done Christmas presents for adults for years. Wouldn’t know what to buy them. Do attempt to buy for adult children and their partners. But even that’s hard!

I stopped adult Christmas presents for extended family 30 years ago. I buy for hubby…son…daughter… son in law and two grandkids. This year we’ve all decided two pressies from each of us to each of us …. including the 15 year old ….although the 10 year old might get a bit more, to compensate for the fact her brother has had a 5 year start on her.

A couple (daughter in laws parents) that we used to exchange gifts with asked a few years ago if we’d mind if they donated the money which they would have spent on gifts to one of the local charities they support. Worked well and so much easier for all

Blinks surely the children should not be part of your secret Santa

That sounds a real pain,2 suggestions,buy wine and see if you can get funny labels to put on the bottles ( we got some brilliant ones and it made for a lot of fun) or more sensible go to all the thrift stores and see if you can get something ( pottery or glass,hard to know what price you paid ?)Good luck or maybe Xmas craft sales and pretend you have spent all year making thoughtful gifts,might stop them next year.

Someone has to be brave and stop this once and for all! Everyone will be grateful I am sure and have a much better Christmas as a result. Only give if you really want to. Or, all make the decision to contribute to the local food bank instead. Presents for children are nice, but don't go overboard.

I give to my brother and his wife I seem to get the booby prize something she was given by her large family o got
use to me .I always rubbish by my late mother in law she never listened and either does my husband so I buy my own to get what o would like this year an Oodie

Small token gifts would be fine. In out family we don’t do adult gifts - only children. The Secret Santa gift would be a good alternative with a realistic price limit. Spending £300 seems over the top for distant relatives.

The cost of living crisis is an ideal opportunity to say you can no longer afford to buy gifts - especially if the gifts you receive are cheaper and thoughtless (or give them back what they gave you last year!)

My DH and I agreed with his brother's family that we would only buy Christmas presents for each other's grandchildren. It was fine, although I personally really missed the thoughtful gifts my SiL used to choose for me! I'm now wondering when it stops, as my BiL's grandchildren are in their twenties but our grandchildren are much younger.

Go out and buy a small gift for each person at the nearest pound shop or the equivalent.

There is no reason on earth why you should spend more money on these presents than they do on yours.

Hand them over with a smile.

If you feel your really must say something, say, "They are only small things this year - we have just had our electricity bill bumped up to twice the usual."

After Christmas, sit your husband down and discuss whether he really wants to go on giving presents to people who apparently either do not know that he does not drink alcohol, or don't care.

The best thing is if you or he can agree to stop giving presents, or only to give small, inexpensive ones. Then write to these relatives wishing them a Happy New Year and mention that you and your husband have regretfully come to the conclusion that with the rising cost of living, you will not be giving presents next year.

I agree with other posters £ 300 is too much to spend given the current economic conditions. I would give your relatives a smaller gift this year and tell them that this is the last year you will be giving gifts. Good luck LittleDot