Asking girls if they have a boyfriend

I had reached the menopause before my Mum stopped asking, "Have you met Anybody Nice?"

(No, and still not yet BTW 😊)

Sounds altogether as my home island. Most of the above comments are part of daily life still.

Grammaretto, 😂 you reminded me of dh’s old aunt, also no filter.
Also in a restaurant, at the top of her voice, ’Why does that waitress wear such a short skirt with legs like that?’
Talk about cringe!

It’s a response I’ve never actually used, but a good one I read of years ago was, ‘If you’ll forgive me for not answering that question, I’ll forgive you for asking it.’

I should have used it many years ago when a neighbour we still have, asked me at our first meeting how much we’d paid for our house. In those days it Just Wasn’t Done - nowadays of course you can have a good old nose on NetHousePrices.😂

I have two sons and two daughters. For years (well, decades, really) I was constantly asked about their girl/boyfriends by my sister and mother - when I'd be the last to know and couldn't even keep up with the changes myself! Three of them are in settled relationships, now, with children. One, the youngest, is even married. Still, the eldest has a constantly changing round of girlfriends. Now, the 'enquiries' are about whether he'll ever settle down and be a father - at his advanced age - of 43!

Times and interests and opportunities were different. Some of y'all can really hold a grudge.

My DMiL is losing her filters. I took her out to lunch last week and looking across the room to another table, she said, in quite a loud voice. "Is that the woman I hate?"

It's a matter of time for my mum.

Mad Auntie X has been like that since she was young. At the funeral mentioned above, my mum was there with her partner (my father was long dead) and Auntie X boomed across the room 'Oh, Horatio! You must be Ermentrude's lover, is that right?' My poor mum was speechless.

Ooh I know what you mean.
When I was widowed several friends repeatedly asked me if I had found a new man. Most were genuinely concerned for my happiness and others were just curious.
I did not want their advice to find a partner at the local U3A or to try online dating either!

You have brought back memories. "Did he kiss you?" was the first question after my very first date, from my mum.

I wouldn't ask a young person if they had a partner - but I might speculate.

The same with other personal questions.

My DMiL is losing her filters. I took her out to lunch last week and looking across the room to another table, she said, in quite a loud voice. "Is that the woman I hate?"

Wow taylor!

That takes the cake

welbeck

in our twenties, on hearing that a friend of mine had her own flat, a bossy woman declared,
oh, you must do a lot of baking.
puzzled friend replied, no i don't do any baking.
bossy retorted, what's the point of having a flat and not doing baking!

Had she confused having a flat with having a food mixer?

This has brought back memories to me…. I was born in another country have lived in UK for forty plus year’s. I got divorced & periodically would take female friends to my birth place.
On many occasions I was asked if I was gay as I only ever bring female friends to visit …….do my children approve?!

in our twenties, on hearing that a friend of mine had her own flat, a bossy woman declared,
oh, you must do a lot of baking.
puzzled friend replied, no i don't do any baking.
bossy retorted, what's the point of having a flat and not doing baking!

I believe it was Wilfred Pickles who always asked contestants in Have a Go ‘Are you courting’?

After that it was ....Why havnt you had a baby? Is there something wrong with one of you?

"Can't you find the recipe?"

Obviously not!

Hadnt been married long before we we were asked ...

When will you have a baby?
Then it was ....Isn't it time you had a baby?
Then .....Whats the point in getting married if you don't have a baby?
After that it was ....Why havnt you had a baby? Is there something wrong with one of you?
Last of all ...said in a pitying way...wrongly assuming ..Sorry that you cant have a baby.
7 years later we had our dd.

Why random people, sometimes people I hardly knew, thought it was ok to ask such personal intrusive questions like this, I just dont know.

Doodledog
I’m sure she’s lovely 😉

a school-friends mother would always ask this, and then say, make sure you get a rich one, you might as well be miserable in luxury.

MerylStreep

Very 1950s.
Nobody I know asks those sort of questions.

One day I'll introduce you to my mum

Very 1950s.
Nobody I know asks those sort of questions.

Luckily my parents had very few friends or relatives and the ones they did have weren't the slightest bit interested in my boyfriends or lack of them. We stirred up a bit of gossip when we suddenly advanced our wedding plans by 6 months, but that was because we'd suddenly found a flat we could afford. They all had to wait another 4 years for any sign of a baby.

How rude! I think that occasionally a family member asking 'has s/he got anyone special?' is just about acceptable if meant kindly.
But I can't imagine where your 'friend' is coming from, and really it's good that she is now 'quiet'! It sounds as if you weren't getting much out of the friendship.
As for how to respond, I think your line about your child being quite private is spot on. If you want to keep upbeat you could say merrily 'Haven't a clue! They'll tell me when the time is right!'

I didn't hear about the serious boy/girlfriends for a good while, and think it quite appropriate.

I have one friend who thinks nothing of asking young couples when they will have a baby. She just doesn't get that it's a very private question, and might even be an emotional one (if they are having troubles conceiving).

I find even young children are asked if they have boyfriend/girlfriend. I think that is something that adults find entertaining; embarrassing young children.

It sadly starts with "do you have a bf"
Continues with " when are you getting engaged"
Then "when are you getting married"
Then " when are you having your first child"
Then " your child needs a sibling, when is second one coming"

It never ends, sadly

I don't like it either.

It feels a bit creepy

My older relatives would ask when I was young followed by some racist remarks about who I was not allowed to bring to their doorstep