Aaargh! Just as I sit down with a coffee....

GrammyGrammy

It's the men you might tell all the things you have done and challenge when they say they did it for you etc rather than play the martyr. The communication disfunction you report is on both sides. Speak out the true facts calmly and politely

Ha Ha GrammyGrammy This really made me smile. In order to have a conversation you need two people willing to talk. Anything that hints of talking about housework means my OH starts staring into space then he puts the kettle on and changes the conversation.
Admittedly in a domestic emergency, electrical, gas or plumbing he is worth his weight in gold, balanced by the fact that I do all the gardening. I just wish we had a joint decision on who does what on the daily necessary cleaning, not this feeling that he cherry picks the bits he is prepared to do and I get the rest. It upsets my inner feminist!

Am remimded of the story where the husband says he envies his wife just being at home all day with nothing to do. The next day she did nothing and then he saw WHAT SHE DID ALL DAY!!!!

If DH has been out longer than expected I know all I have to do is sit down and he’ll walk through the door! 😂

god this thread has made me laugh

I could have written your post, Undines. Equality for women in theory, never in practice.
I have even done the bins today and that is his job. He was just sitting doodling.
I have been cleaning all morning - thoroughly, so still a lot to do. He say dirt is in the eye of the beholder, and he can’t see any.
Ok so he can no longer bend or stretch. So cleaning the fridge and the cutlery drawer are going on his list.

Why don't you make a list of jobs that need doing over the weekend & discuss with partner their view on the list & if they are up for sharing these jobs?
Very few people are psychic.
If we don't ask for division of labour but doing it all ourselves, we may get to resent the person we have expectations of but don't communicate them?

My husband has the knack of looking as though he’s been in the hot kitchen cooking when visitors arrive. One Christmas his father proposed a toast to him for the lovely meal. I then stood up and proposed a toast to me and informed them that they would be eating the meal a week from now if it had been left to him. I was furious, mainly because my husband didn’t correct his father. I told them that all he ever does are the ‘twiddly’ bits at the end.

Oh Saggi you made me laugh crawling through your mountains of slime 😂😂

I definitely hit the jackpot third time round! My DH does almost all the cooking, and has cleaned the bathroom more often than I have. He will do the ironing if I don't get there first - although he shouldn't due to his arthritis and other health issues. He'll do anything to help with voluntary things I'm involved in etc. I'm not smug - just grateful for having such a caring partner.

Mine ( other half not husband) is always going on about living abroad or going somewhere warm. I say “ well book it!” Never happens !
Today I have made the tea/ coffee done park run, taken daughter to station, cooked brunch, cleaned up, emptied bins, sorted bedding , organised songs for choir tomorrow , prepared dinner for today and veg for tomorrow. He then regales a supermarket check out person that he does the decorating.. yes he does, every 3 years !!!!

Why are you all moaning about these lazy husbands…. if you don’t want to do a chore ….don’t do it! Apart from picking kids/g kids up from school. That IS essential! The rest I follow my mums rule ….if you don’t do it someone will…. But what a happy home we had , as we had a mum that wasn’t overburdened with housework… and all six kids managed to crawl through the mountains of slime , and reach a healthy adulthood. Most of what you’re doing just isn’t necessary…we women are famous for making dirt where none exists!

Mine pops in the very moment I've finished a job and asks if he can help - funny his mum used to do this to me when she was visiting. It's obviously in the genes!

I buy all the presents and wrap them and we park up at the birthday house, he always says 'here, let me carry that'.... in he goes and what a lovely reception he gets..... no more!

My start to a lovely bright and sunny day is cleaning outside the front door as there is a blocked drain leaking. My DH considers finishing watching an old movie more important than ringing a plumbing company. Talk about getting the priorities right!

Undines the other excuse is that you do it so much better than them! Or I’ll do it later by which time you are so fed up you have done it.

I once read an article where a bloke said an excellent way to thoroughly annoy your wife was - once in a blue moon - to do some vigorous hoovering, and then say - all smugly virtuous - ‘Goodness me - it’s been a long time since anyone hoovered under that sofa, hasn’t it?’
Sorry, but I did laugh!
(Pleased to say that tactic has never yet occurred to dh!)

Oh bless you GrammyGrammy! Clear, logical, polite, pleasant - show a blind man the Mona Lisa!

My husband's 'reason' (perish the word 'excuse') for not doing anything to help me round the house is that I don't need to do it anyway! The male talent for selective blindness and swearing black is white is remarkable. My husband is a warm-hearted, tolerant, kind man but I tell him that a total male chauvinist tyrant lurks beneath his exterior. He's very 'into' equality for women and truly has no idea what I'm talking about!

grin

SueDonim

Yes, you are doing something today, Houseplantqueen. You’re digging a large hole in your patio and will be depositing your Dh in it and covering it over again.

No, he's digging the hole in the patio at your fond request..but just doesnt know why...

Glad to be divorced when I read threads like this.

It's the men you might tell all the things you have done and challenge when they say they did it for you etc rather than play the martyr. The communication disfunction you report is on both sides. Speak out the true facts calmly and politely

I used to leave the vacuum cleaner in a very obvious place or the ironing board up, so that my husband could see how busy I’d been.
Sadly he died a few years ago and I gave up ironing soon after. I still vacuum occasionally though!

Rest relax RETIREMENT are masculine words they don’t apply to femails

My classic husband says I’ve just emptied the dishwasher for YOU, mowed your lawn, painted your house etc etc. where does he think he lives ??