I don't know how to manage my husbands 'tactlessness'.
Long story short, I was immobile for a couple of years due to knee issues and became very depressed.
My husband looked after me as well as he could. It was hard on him.
I have since had both knees replaced, and six months after the last one, I am in a much better way. I can do so much more, and am so happy to be able to go on dog walks, go shopping, play with my granddaughter, make plans. After being in a very dark place for what seems a long time, I'm feeling excited about life again.
My husband says that he is delighted, happy, excited etc, but he also keeps making pointed remarks along the lines of
" does your new found good health mean you're going to keep talking this much?' where you ill when I met you? I never remember you having so much energy/talk so much?'
One thing he said that has worried me, is that he kind of preferred it when I was upstairs in bed immobile, as he felt useful, and in control of things.
Today, I tried to explain how it feels as though he's trying to shut me down, when I've just come alive again.
He responded by telling me that although he had loved me when I was ill, he loved me more now that I was well. He absolutely did not get that that was an awful thing to say. That the amount of love was conditional on how well I was.
He got very angry when I pointed this out to him, and told me he would not speak to me at all, as nothing he said was right.
Stalemate.
I am at a loss to be honest. We have been together for 14 years and in many ways he is the kindest person I know. Then he is also the most condescending, tactless, emotionally illiterate, then absolutely amazing.
Any ideas folks?
