Wedding related manners/etiquette

Does the Mum have a say in the matter? If I was that Mum, I'd have a stern word with my daughter and suggest that you and your DH should have been invited if he was expected to be his mother's chauffeur. How old/infirm is Mum? I would drive myself, but then I'm only 82.

Agree with M0nica

So you are not good enough to attend the wedding but to provide transportation for a guest for the wedding's hostess convenience?

Nope! Way to show where OP and dh are in their priority list

Froggyspawn

“DH, I’m so sorry we can’t invite you to DN’s wedding, but would you mind bringing Mum? “
And it’s about an hour round trip so maybe 2 hours driving max?
I really don’t see the problem - I ( or DH) would be perfectly happy to do that for family. It’s a bit of time and making it easy for Mum to go to her grandsons wedding.

I agree. We'd do the driving gladly, for our mums.

It's only a couple of hours out of life - but we drive that and more often, as we live a bit away from grocery shop.

For members of a family to behave like this to each other rather suggests it is a dysfunctional family anyway. I cannot think of any functioning family I know where an incident as described could possibly happen.

“DH, I’m so sorry we can’t invite you to DN’s wedding, but would you mind bringing Mum? “
And it’s about an hour round trip so maybe 2 hours driving max?
I really don’t see the problem - I ( or DH) would be perfectly happy to do that for family. It’s a bit of time and making it easy for Mum to go to her grandsons wedding.

If your sister-in-law is going to the wedding she can take her mother.

If neither she nor you husband are invited, then I don't see why either of them should be expected to transport their mother and do precisely what while she attends the wedding?

Really it is up to your husband whether he wants to do his mother this favour or not.

If not, then he regrets he has already made other arrangements for that day ( no need to specify what they are) or alternately, "No, can't afford a drive that long at the present price of petrol" or " Sorry, car is at the mechanic's that day".

Why-ever not?
She’s his mum

I’m sure my Sons would be kind enough to do it for me

Mine too, ichtb. He looked at me as though I’d gone mad and said that of course he would- who would refuse to give their mother a lift, particularly to her grandson’s wedding?

ParlorGames

I am actually commenting again on this thread. My OH doesn't do GN but I did discuss this scenario with him a couple of days ago and asked him what he would do under the same circumstances. We debated it for a while and then he made his own decision.
He gave an emphatic NO!

Me too. My husband gave an emphatic yes based on the relationship with his mother which was a good one!

I would go with DH take his DM drop her off then go for a nice Potter and meal out together then pick her up . If invited now at this late stage I would decline . Would be nice for her to see her DGS get married.

I would tell the sister it is her problem.

Just say no to lift what a cheek ! Say your out with friends as not invited

Sheer cheek

I am actually commenting again on this thread. My OH doesn't do GN but I did discuss this scenario with him a couple of days ago and asked him what he would do under the same circumstances. We debated it for a while and then he made his own decision.
He gave an emphatic NO!

I think your husband should do what HE wants to do... if he wants to take his Mum maybe an invitation should be extended so he can accompany her and be there for her. If however he feels he is being deliberately excluded and used then maybe he should just refuse.. It's his call...

Maybe they haven’t thought it through, he could go and pick her up and take her to the wedding and leave them to their own devices to get her back home.
Why can’t they arrange a taxi.

He can’t hang around like a spare part till they finish the wedding and the reception it’s a very very big ask to leave him sat in his car for at few hours while they have a lovely time.

Just say no, why on earth should he put himself out if he isn't invited?

Because his mum need a lift to somewhere 20 miles away? This is all really bewildering to me.

Nowhere near enough information about the family to make any kind of comment!

Romola

Does your SiL realise that your DH hasn't been invited? I think he should make that clear. Then maybe they could fit him in at the wedding and he can take his mother without any bad feelings.

Yes, I do wonder if your SiL doesn't know you're not invited.

Just say no, why on earth should he put himself out if he isn't invited? Different story if you'd all been going though. Have they actually told you that you're not invited?

notgran

I would totally do it, it's his Mum for goodness sake and 40 miles is less of a distance than my daughter commutes each day. I would also go with them and have a lovely day out spending the money you aren't spending on gifts/drinks etc at the wedding. To use that overworked phrase, Be Kind (to your MiL)

Absolutely this.

There are often threads on here that suggest that people put invitations to weddings ahead of their feelings for their families, which I see as odd.

My sister has four children, all of whom have had weddings. One was abroad (I was invited but didn't go) two were in the UK - I was invited to one but not the other, and the fourth was nearby, but a small affair, which with a large family like my sister's means 'immediate family only'. I babysat for the children who were too young to sit through the reception - Mr Dog went to the venue to pick them up and brought them here for the afternoon. All the couples got the same present (a cheque for the same amount). Whether or not they could afford to (or want to) have a large wedding with lots of guests has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about any of them.

My son got married recently and had a small family wedding and a large party for wider family and friends later. The bride is an introvert and didn't want a big wedding with all eyes on her, which is absolutely fine, surely?

My MIL was unable to come because of the journey, but my SIL (her daughter) offered to drive her about 100 miles to the venue, find something to do in the surrounding area for a few hours and bring her back so she didn't need to stay in a hotel. SIL wasn't invited, but wanted to give her mum the chance to see her grandson get married. It was kind of her, but very normal, I think? As Notgran says, a 40 mile round trip is the sort of distance people travel to work, not an overland trek.

You and your husband haven't been invited but his sister whom I presume is hosting has asked your husband to be a taxi service for Mother .
What a flaming cheek , I would politely tell it like it is and say if you were attending than yes it wouldn't be a problem but as you haven't been included ask another guest . As for Mother I would be asking why her son and his partner/ wife aren't included at the very least .
Sorry not sorry but that's an enormous bloody cheek .

Does your SiL realise that your DH hasn't been invited? I think he should make that clear. Then maybe they could fit him in at the wedding and he can take his mother without any bad feelings.

Oh so sorry but we’ve got plans for that day as we are not invited to the wedding. Honestly cheek of some people. They obviously think your sat around all day doing nowt 😳

I would say you'd made other plans, as you're not attending the wedding