Staying with daughter really confused

grannygranby - so pleased that the situation has improved.

How are you?x

So much stress for all of you and it is taking its toll. It is never easy for anyone when there’s an extra person in the house anymore than it is for that ‘extra person ‘ but concentrate on getting better and look forward to your ‘freedom’ which will surely come sooner or later. Hope your physio goes well, stick with it even if it hurts ! It sounds like your daughter loves you and just can’t control her feelings too well. She is likely pretty exhausted.

Best of luck with physio appointment. . A good night's sleep can help a lot

You know waking this morning after a goodish nights sleep and daughter being really supportive yesterday with the physio appointment this morning I don’t feel confused any more
I thank you all

How are you doing with the 2-hourly exercises?
I'm sure these will help and will prevent muscle wastage.
You are right, you should have had exercises from the start I think - but keep on them. This is your way back home.

I was also sent an app to download by my physio and she answered any emailed questions with an email/phone call.
I was pleased to see she had personalised the app and she added extra exercises in as time went by.

It must be about five weeks since your fall now and we are all wanting you well.
Make yourself do them!

Good luck.

PS It would probably be a good idea to talk to your son. As he's already a carer, he's possibly in a better position to know what's needed and maybe he's kinder and more patient. Even if you weren't asking for his practical help, you should really talk to him for emotional support.

Not everyone is cut out to be a carer and your daughter sounds like she's not in a good place.

Farmor15

OnwardandUpward - if you read OP's recent post you'll see she's significantly disabled by injury - can't even dress/undress - so hotel wouldn't work

Ooops thanks for that.

I can see a hotel wouldn't work unless a carer could come morning and night to dress and undress.
It would be better for family relationships to pay someone to do what is wanted, though.

If it's not working out with the daughter, it might be best to go into a care home for the time being. Reablement don't do meals or shopping and they only have a limited time to be in and out. There's lots of things they can't help with.

All depends on whether they are able to talk openly and honestly without damaging the relationship further. Personally I'd be speaking to my social worker, in that position to say that relationships have (understandably) broken down and ask them what they can do.

Please phone your Consultant's secretary, grannygranby - they are the best route to the Consultant.
Your injury sounds as if it needs immediate attention.

Or www.patients-association.org.uk/helpline
Or PALS www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/hospitals/what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/

OnwardandUpward - if you read OP's recent post you'll see she's significantly disabled by injury - can't even dress/undress - so hotel wouldn't work

Well... your annoyance of your daughter and negativity towards her will be felt by her even if you don't voice it. She might be getting bad vibes from you.

Maybe use your savings to stay in a hotel and get waited on? That way if you have complaints you can gripe at them and not ruin family relationships. No idea what is wrong for your daughter to get so upset, but maybe it's something she's not ready to share?

Also, you haven't shared your feelings honestly with her, so maybe she's not feeling free to share hers either.

My Mother had reablement carers in and managed to complain about everything. She also made a complaint in the hospital. She also accidentally pocket dialled me so I could hear her complaining about the help I'd given her.... So maybe look at it like this- you're struggling with being in pain, feeling old and suffering because of that- so you are going to complain wherever you are and find shortcomings wherever you are. So don't do it to your daughter.

There are people who rather than pay a care home or carers just stay in a nice hotel and get waited on.

your injured arm sounds like it needs a review.
you can fill in a 111 form online and they will contact you with advice.
i really think you need to reach for professional help re your arm. don't neglect the realities.
it may have been damaged by manhandling.
let us know how you get on.
good luck.

"SHe is a monster"
"She does loads for me. More than any carer I could manage to sort out yet at this time of year"

Which statement is correct?

I am sorry you had that accident, it is never a good time to be in this situation

You need to concentrate in the future, not what happened

Was it discussed originally how long you would stay there?

The most important thing - what would you do if your kind daughter could not take care of you?
Do that instead.

The relationship with your daughter and sil may be getting impacted.
Leave their place now and save it

There are theee fractures one across the ball joint. I hoped it would heal itself but it is getting more painful and hangs crooked and so painful to sleep

Well, that sounds urgent grannygranby, perhaps you need to get hold of the Consultant's secretary and emphasise how painful it is and how it doesn't seem to be setting properly. Could it need pinning to keep it in place while it mends?
I'd pursue that rather than push for physio, you really need an X-ray.

Good luck.

Well I concentrated too much on my discontent and didn’t sleep at all. The trouble is i am disabled I have no use of my right arm I have to sleep in my clothes and can’t raise my hand to my face or cut my food the physio tasks are not possible, the pain too severe.

There are theee fractures one across the ball joint. I hoped it would heal itself but it is getting more painful and hangs crooked and so painful to sleep.

She does loads for me. More than any carer I could manage to sort out yet at this time of year. Glad this holiday period nearly over. I will be on to it but I wouldn’t be able to cope in my terrace house with no grown up neighbors, tiny gardens and the dogs and not being able to drive.
The reason I have got savings is that i have been meaning to move somewhere more suitable.

I don’t have any friends that can help beyond an occasional walk. Partly because they are too old themselves or they are carers themselves to spouses or very busy travelling etc. or in the same city.

Very upsettingly my sons wife and two of his daughters are becoming more disabled so that was very distressing to see at Christmas for us all. The older child who has child-onset myotonic dystrophy is losing her mental abilities it doesn’t just affect the muscles, the brain as well. So tragic.

I wish I hadn’t moaned to you all so much about daughter, i was letting off steam, I will sort it and she will help me do so let’s hope I am being melodramatic and will get its use back.

I was supposed to have X-rays every week but that isn’t happening, even the hospital physio isn’t available till the end of this month and yet i was supposed to have had it, I now find out, from week one.

It’s not a good time to have an accident the nhs are in meltdown so watch out all of you. Take care and watch your step.
Giving me an outlet to express my frustration is probably the best you can do at immediate time. And when I said she lashed out I meant with tongue, she’s upset too. She has her plate full and she’s upset about brother and nieces too and her MIL has Alzheimer’s and her job might be ending. So thank you, sometimes there are no answers. As someone once said old age is not for sissies.

Hithere

OP
You need to get out of your daughter's home.

What is stopping you?

I agree for both your’s and your daughter’s sakes.
I also think Avalon’s suggestion of a live in carer sounds a good idea. Something needs to change!

Live in carer

I wonder if it’s possible for you to have a live in cared for a few weeks so that you can return home safely? it could be worth making enquiries if you can afford it. Do you have a rehab team that you can talk to? Dd won’t like it but you need to get out of there asap.

when you say she lashed out, did she start shouting at you ?
can you say what happened ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh dear tbh I would leave couldn’t stand the stress of your situation it is not good for your well being.Is it not possible to get home? Do you have friend who would help Age Uk could offers advice give them a ring. Where do you live? How far is it from your daughters home?

OP
You need to get out of your daughter's home.

What is stopping you?

Today a friend came round and took me for a walk which was good. Tonight however DD in really difficult mood and I questioned it and she lashed out in fury. And feel back at Squre one without going into detail.
I realise that one of the reasons I haven’t been going on the dog walk is that I feel free when they are out. Free from her temper etc so it is with mixed feelings I look forward to going on them. But it was good to feel normal walking again.
The other problem is that my shoulder is sending electric like shots of pain which cause me to yelp sometimes she says she dislikes that intensely as it is very annoying. When she presents the evening meal she sulks and has to have lots of appeasement from her husband and yet her main interest is food. Loves her new instapot and air fryer has every fancy food available and we have takeouts very frequently she also likes the total control of what when and where we eat. She’s a monster. I do wonder whether never having had children and in the past only ever had to cater for herself and husband as well as working as a consultant to three top end restaurants and eating out whenever they fancy…
Sorry bit of a rant. Obviously I always eat everything up she serves and compliment her etc but her look of suffering martyrdom is getting on my wick.
Tomorrow is another day I am so glad this holiday period is over and things will get a bit back to normal. I see physio for first time on Tuesday
Thanks for bearing with

Good to hear you sounding more upbeat, grannygranby. Stay strong! You'll make it (hugs).

Good news that you now have exercises. Be sure to do them and when it's tough (and it IS some days) remember this will get me home.

Good luck.