Awful Neighbour now I’m scared.

And 24 hours have gone by on a BH weekend too.
I’d be demented and spilling my thoughts on a regular basis this past day.
🤔🤔

Suzi
How are things? You don't seem to have come back to us 🤔

Suzi57 has posted before. Just saying.

Umstrong my thoughts too which is why I m not commenting

Urmston 👍🏻

Let’s be cautious here people in revealing too many personal events.
At this juncture we do not know whether there might be a ‘fishing’ element in this thread for prurient reasons.
I’m sorry I do realise I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here (and I might be wrong).
On the other hand. ...

Sorry to read of this, probably best to seek professional advice.

Hi Siope ,

No offence was meant from me -apologies if I sounded flippant .
I was trying to console the OP by making light of it .

I was just speculating .

I just think that it's hugely unlikely that this elderly lady in her then eighties was assaulted by the OP's
husband .

As a matter of fact , I do know what it's like to be sexually assaulted and having to deal with reporting it .

It has happened to me several times .

The last occasion being a couple of years ago .

Courts do not deal in "he said/she said". They deal in evidence and facts. Very few cases of contemporary sexual assault ever come to court because of lack of evidence. I often wonder about so called "historical" claims against celebrities and people with wealth and am very cynical about some of them.

This does not make it any less distressing for your DH.

Your DH should have been offered the services of a duty solicitor who would no doubt have advised him to give a "no comment" interview. If he was not offered legal services then the police are at fault and it weakens any case they believe they might have.

Suzi57 has posted before, although a few years ago.

anything could have triggered off this false memory even a TV programme , but I imagine that she thoroughly enjoyed all the attention from those nice young policemen and detectives

This is shocking, offensive, speculative nonsense.

You have zero evidence that this is a false memory (just as I have no idea whether it’s a genuine or malicious complaint). Nor, quite obviously, do you have any idea of how traumatic, invasive and painful it is to report any form of sexual abuse, nor a clue about how the police respond to such reports.

We had a similar post a few weeks ago on GN from someone who purported to be in serious trouble with the Police for stealing from the firm where she worked. Again, “ought I to seek legal advice”There were so many well meaning replies. This lady told us she was scared and was drinking wine in the morning etc. It all came to nought n the end.

Forgive me for being sceptical about this thread. I may of course be wrong but we do have to remember that students are on their Christmas holidays with time on their hands.
😮

sparkly has hit the nail on the head -anything could have triggered off this false memory even a TV programme , but I imagine that she thoroughly enjoyed all the attention from
those nice young policemen and detectives !

Christmas can be a lonely time for many . We are all bombarded with images of wonderful family life, it doesn’t sound that this lady has any family support.

I do wonder if this lady was craving attention and a call to the police was a cry for that.

Over Christmas , my father told me that one the nurses in the hospital called him a c--t and told him to f--k off back to the nursing home .
He doesn't live in a nursing home , but I was really concerned about the verbal abuse .
So I asked him about it.
I never said that , he said .

I have no idea whether it's true or not .

Recently, he's said all sorts of things which I know to be untrue , because I've been with him .

I do hope this gets sorted out quickly, it must be a horrible situation for you Suzi57.
I was surprised by some posts, though, one saying someone with MH issues or past trauma can do this so best not to have anything to do with them (how many of the posters friends are on antidepressants or anxiolytics, I wonder; & how many of the rest have "past trauma"?) & also the ones advising never to have the opposite sex alone in the house with you. Really? Whilst it would prevent this situation, is it good to live in a way that is so mistrustful of the people around you & so extremely risk-averse? I think your husband going into an elderly next door longstanding neighbour's home to help with moving things, is perfectly normal behaviour & you have just been very unlucky that your neighbour has become delusional.Don't let it destroy your faith in humanity!

I hope the old woman is already known to the authorities as a fantasist !

nanny007

OnwardandUpward

"The woman making the accusations was not in any way attractive or likely for him to have been tempted by. His wife is beautiful and lovely, so it seemed very unlikely he would have strayed."

Good grief! I'm saddened to read such a misguided concept around the reasons for rape.

I too was astounded when I read this.

It doesnt make sense that the neighbour would still want help if he had raped and assaulted her ten years ago- only possible reason could be if she had somehow compartmentalised. I'm sure the police will uncover the problem.

If I were you, I'd phone a solicitor tomorrow and ask to have one on retainer, so you'll have legal cover whenever you want it.

An old allegation from one person is not likely to go to court because of lack of evidence, and if the woman concerned is mentally ill, police questioning will expose untruths.

That does not diminish the upset and stress until it is resolved, a solicitor should have been present before any questioning.

Helping others, if your man is helping another woman check her out yourself, if you are uncomfortable then warn him or stop him.

The police would have had to offer him the opportunity to have a solicitor with him when questioned.
Get a good lawyer now.

Im surprised by the number of comments about not having male neighbours visit alone. I’d only invite a neighbour in if I knew them well. That seems to be the case with the OP, years of perfectly ordinary neighbourly support. My hesitation would be getting over involved, helping someone with a drink problem. I suppose that’s where my hesitation would arise. No offence to people who are alcohol/substance dependent but it usually goes hand in hand with other problems

Hithere

Lawyer up fast.

Upward
Rape is about power, not how attractive the person is

What an old-fashioned, misogynist and misguided observation

Re Rape is about power, not how attractive the person is true... I suppose I didn't want to believe that someone we had thought of as a friend would be capable of raping a vulnerable woman.
I sometimes thought it probably not appropriate as he'd pop round when I was on my own. He did have plenty of opportunities to rape and he never did anything inappropriate to me. I did wonder at one point if he was looking for an opportunity to cheat, but I wasn't interested and was friends with his wife. too. I always made it very clear I was friend only.

Some men do look for opportunities to cheat, but it doesn't mean they are rapists.

I regret not telling him he was an idiot to spend time with women on their own. I think he meant well and was always doing jobs for people, but then this one lady made an allegation. It did turn out that she had a troubled past as well. I never really believed he was a rapist.

Esmay

Sorry put the not necessarily in the wrong bit -your neighbour might have dementia or maybe not .
I'm thinking of my father who doesn't have dementia , but
makes up stories .
I don't know why he does it .

Yes! Often people with dementia can accuse others of things.

Even if she had PTSD from past trauma. Because she had been raped in her past it is possible he did something or wore something that triggered a memory, but the memory was jumbled.

That's difficult Esmay.

nanny007

OnwardandUpward

"The woman making the accusations was not in any way attractive or likely for him to have been tempted by. His wife is beautiful and lovely, so it seemed very unlikely he would have strayed."

Good grief! I'm saddened to read such a misguided concept around the reasons for rape.

I wasn't talking about rape. I was talking about cheating. This is because I think the lady I mentioned had made a pass at the man I mentioned , which he probably turned down and she probably felt embarassed and called rape. This is all a guess.

Unfortunately when someone is alone with someone else and there are no witnesses, anything could be claimed and it would be one person's word against the other. That's why it is best not to be on your own with someone of the opposite gender, or a minor.

Lawyer up fast.

Upward
Rape is about power, not how attractive the person is

What an old-fashioned, misogynist and misguided observation