Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

While I totally agree that every new mum should have access to proper information and support on breast feeding, at the end of the day, it's not for everyone and the only important thing is that baby is thriving and both baby and mum and happy and well. It's down to mum at the end of the day and if she has decided to stop, then she shouldn't be made to feel guilty or pressurised about it. Even a month's breastfeeding is better than nothing.

She isn't lazy, she is dog tired. She will be less tired when she isn't feeding a baby out of her own body at all hours of the day and night, as well as doing everything else that a baby needs, on top of the birth not long ago. She did well to give baby a few weeks of breastfeeding, which will help set up his resistance to various health problems.

Now she needs to build up her own health. He has no idea how much that takes out of a mother. If he loves his wife he could help her by take over night bottle feeds on alternate nightsfeeds, not criticise her for what he sees as imperfect mothering.

Perhaps if he did ALL night feeds for a while, he would realise clearly how exhausting it is to be constantly on duty, even when you have just gone to sleep.

When my daughters' had babies I was horrified to see how very little realistic help there was for Mums to breastfeed. These had grown up with me being a breast feeding Counsellor for NCT, so had heard this talked about and discussed throughout their childhoods.

My eldest daughter was desperate to breast feed her baby, but actually got told by the visiting Health Visitor/(Midwive), at six days, to send out - immediately!! to get formula, as baby was not putting enough weight (these weight charts are made for formula fed babies and often have little relationship for breast fed ones!!!). At the time my daughter was in her 30's and an NHS professional herself. Yes, obviously, as a first time Mum and a new baby, she put her trust in what she was being told. Fortunately, I lived close by and with my support (also that of a lovely lady GP) she ignored that silly, bad and wrong advice and continued b.feeding - until baby was fully weaned, well after she had returned to part-time work.

Another daughter with her first baby was also told not to continue to persevere with 'forcing' baby onto breast, but to get bottles. Again, I was with her and helped her to ignore this - that baby and subsequent three all b.fed.

There is no doubt medically, that b.feeding is the best for baby and also for Mums. Whereas, it is true that some is better than none, it really should be a good few months before babies are introduced to the milk from a different mammal. Also, in these times of fear of so many different virus, it gives babies so much more protection.

My third baby was premature - and when she was a couple of weeks old I became ill with something like noravirus. My older two toddlers were stopped from seeing me as I was so infectious, but tiny, prem. baby stayed with me throughout, my b.feeding giving her the protection against this illness.

Whereas, I totally agree that nobody should be forced to b.feed if they really do not wish to do so, I do know that many mums would be happier to continue if they were given far more information and real encouragement and help.
Even a fully b.fed baby can be fed by Dad - once the feeding starts to settle down, Mum can express milk for a bottle for this purpose and also to ensure she can go out without baby sometimes. In anycase there are many other ways that Dads can be involved with babycare other than feeding.

However, this new Mum has made a decision - hopefully, any such decision regarding care and welfare of their child has been talked about and discussed by both parents. Once made then Dad needs to ensure he is giving her his full suppport.

Breastfeeding is not for anyone to decide other than the mother. Your son should support his partner not criticise.
I found bf quite painful so stopped at 6 weeks. My decision.
Don’t get involved.

My DiL didn’t even attempt to breast feed either of their babies. It was her choice and her body. My DS was pleased in a way as he was able to feed them.
They are now two very healthy children.

Is the family from a different culture? In some countries, it is a control thing as the matriach want to be in charge. I have known this from 3 colleagues in the past, living in extended families.

Tell him to breastfeed the baby himself 😳

Not everyone has a good time I never achieved it I m afraid my first was a small very colicky baby who cried a lot didn’t gain weight and worried me so the doctor suggested I bottle fed so we could both relax With my second I had mastitis which was incredibly painful by the third I did it for three weeks out of duty
Many mums love it, many mums have a great time and feed for ever but not everyone does

Support your daughter in law by not getting involved if he moans to you tell him it’s not always a walk in the park and for her to know what s right for her and leave it at that

How dare he say she’s lazy 🤬

My GD's mother stopped breastfeeding her. There seemed to be no advice or help with breastfeeding available, which didn't help the situation. I'd have helped if asked, but was too far away.
Anyway, although it wasn't what I'd have wished for (not up to me!), GD did fine on formula and is growing up fit, healthy and active.
At least with bottle feeding your son can help and have the pleasure of holding his son while he feeds.

Gosh, no wonder she is tired after giving birth a month ago. My DD only breast fed for 4 weeks, before giving formula as she was finding it so difficult. That baby is now a healthy 14 year old! I breast fed for 6 months. We are all different, her body, her choice.

It is the first couple of weeks that are so important. I would not worry, or indeed make any comments.

You are right it is her body and such a decision is entirely up to her. He, your son, is not a lot of help saying she's lazy and tired. You're a mother, point out to him giving birth affects women in different ways, some take quite a while to recover from that, suggest he is not being very supportive by describing her as lazy.

Not everyone enjoys breastfeeding, and even a few weeks gives the baby’s immune system a boost. Really only the mother’s business.

My advice is to say nothing. It must be her choice. Any breast feeding that was done will be beneficial to the baby.