95yr old frail stubborn mother

PS I live over 50 miles away, every heard of direct debit for bank payments and Tesco deliveries??? I found in August last year nearly £12000 has been taken out of her Halifax account and she was taken to the Halifax by her neighbour. She put it into her HSBC with this neighbour WHO WRITES HER CHEQUES remember?

So Onwardsandupwards I resent the meaning of me allowing a opportunist to worm their way in. Hithere would you allow a fraudster to cheat your mother and family? think not.
No I will not 'let is go'

Have non of you bothered to read what I said in the beginning? I have not seen my mother for three years not by my choice but circumstances. I will repeat for those of you who need it. Jan 2020 had a serious fall broke both arms fractured spine in two place unable to walk. Ok?
In hospital over two months. Oh by the way it usually takes 6 weeks for breaks to heal as I had a spiral fracture in one arm it took 11, ok?

COVID then came during this time hospitals needed to clear people with offers of going into a Carehome or home. My husband did not want me in a home people were dying in their hundreds.
I was sent home with a hospital bed and hoist which we still use. Ok? Physio could not come to my home it was too dangerous so it was down to my husband who is STILL my full time carer and has enough on his plate looking after me


My mother knew what was happening and did NOT need help then and she was still driving!!!

During the hospital stay unbeknown to me I had developed kidney stones with then caused a serious infection called SEPSIS ever heard of it? This happened THREE times during 20/21 and it was only down to my husbands vigilance that saved me on one occasion waiting 6 hours for an ambulance.

I was then fitted with a nephrostomy bag (look it up) whilst I waited for an operation. Had that and now waiting for a second one. Are you keeping up?

Depression developed not nice. So all through this she was managing fine I kept in touch by phone regularly. Only this last 12 months she's changed SHE DOES NOT RESENT ME NOT SEEING HER I will say that much at least SHE understood.

It is only when she felt her health worsening she became bitter and nasty to ALL the family . I wonder if there was someone turning her! Who knows you don't any more than I do do but the solicitor is in agreement with me.

If I remember rightly for those of you commenting about not seeing her for three years weren't we supposed to observe the COVID rules and NOT visit certainly not risk the elderly?

That is the scenario I was afraid of - OP, let it go

There is no proof this person is harming your mother, she seems to be helping her a lot, in fact

I think the OP reads very differently with the knowledge that there has been no visit for three years.

I have been turning this over in my mind and am beginning to wonder what human company the frail, 95 year old mother would have without the neighbour. How would she have managed to shop, pay her bills (pita says she writes very badly and the neighbour writes cheques), maybe cook herself a meal? The neighbour now visits her every day in the home. pita hasn’t seen her for almost three years . I’m veering towards the conclusion that the neighbour has offered genuine friendship and help to someone in need and that on the basis of what pita has now said, a solicitor to whom she tells the whole story may advise her not to try to contest the will. The solicitor who prepared the latest will would have been satisfied of her mental capacity before witnessing her signature. I wish we had been told more at the outset. I feel I have maligned the neighbour.

That kind of distance does seem a lot (three years) and even though you've had your own problems it's probably left your Mother open to opportunists. 95 year old's don't stop needing people just because their kids are injured or unable to be there, so the neighbour may as GSM says, have been a lifeline even though you were unable to be there for your own genuine reasons.

I know for my parents and inlaws a week is a lot for them to wait in between visits. Lockdown was very hard and with your own disabilities and injuries maybe your Mum did not want to burden you?

I can imagine many older people giving up and securing for themselves a younger neighbour if they felt scared, lonely or neglected, too. Not an easy situation, but a lot depends whether she has capacity or not.

I didn’t realise you hadn’t seen your mother for nearly three years. I realise you have had a disabling injury and then covid restrictions kicked in, but even so three years is a very long time. How far away do you live and did anybody else in the family, such as your husband, help her during this time? How have you keep in touch? I’m beginning to wonder if the neighbour has been a genuine lifeline, especially during lockdowns. This may put a very different complexion on things. Apologies if I have missed something.

Managed to get to see her despite the bitter cold weather and not being use to my power chair ,nearly ran her over (joking). At first she was cold and bitchy. Considering we haven't seen each other for three years. She was going on about being fed up with people telling her to do this and that. I said we are all just trying to help her. I said "you seem angry " she said she was. Hated the Carehome just wants to get home and look after herself. My husband repeated we are trying to help her and even with my disabilities and injuries and not to take it out on me. She then calmed and spoke better to me. By the time we left she said she was glad to see us. One thing that strikes us both is her confusion it is bad now and her memory is worse. I can see how someone could take advantage of her.
We will let her settle in at home then see what happens and if she will start to listen to me again and not to you know who who definitely has her hooks into her.

I would also have everything documented and go to the police, although there may not be much they can do if your Mother has capacity and insists she wants the neighbour.

You need to make clear to SS that you are Mum’s next of kin. There will be some information which is protected but they should be willing to engage with you.

Not sure whether this is any help but have a look at this link:-
www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

There is the telephone number of a charity called Hourglass which can give you further advice.

Before your mom arrives home next week, can't you go to her house and look for her bank accounts to check whether any large sums of money have been withdrawn?

GSM I have tried to speak to social services today about what was their visit for but they wont tell me anything because of the 2019 'data protection' act. I cannot get anything out of them. I am biding my time till she has got home next week to see if she is in a better mood (ha). Can I force social services to speak to me if I report my fears to them. I don't really trust them. If not it is the police and a solicitor.

Obsessed sounds about right!

Do keep in touch with social services. She has been groomed and coerced, without a doubt. It might also be a good idea to have an informal chat with the police. The more you have on record the better - and please have a solicitor primed so they are able to act quickly.

Just spoken to the care home manager to put it in a nutshell they'll be glad to see her go. She is sharp tongued with ones who have slight dementia, she's accused the manager of taking her pills.

She had social services come to see her today before she goes home and she said I don't need anyone I'm my own person. She happy to her her neighbour run round for her but the manager said her neighbour can't be there at her beck and call all day. They said she should have someone come in to take the pressure off the neighbour but no.

They said she's of sound mind but that still doesn't mean she can't be conned!

The neighbour has been ringing the care home twice a day to see how she is, she is obsessed my husband says.

God help me I'm going to see her tomorrow. It will take all my strength not to have a go at her.

This sounds so suspicious. Could you put one or two hidden cameras in the house and with your mother on the care home. And certainly make an inventory especially of valuable items.
It might also be worth having a quiet talk with the police, these people may have a past history.

It depends on the query OandO.

If the new will is invalid then so is the clause it contains revoking the previous one. It would then be up to the executors under the old will to gather in and protect the assets.

You will only get the will declared invalid by issuing court proceedings as quickly as possible after Mum dies. Speed really is of the essence - hence my advice that you get a solicitor on board now and provide them with all the evidence you have. Then they will be ready. You can’t afford to delay once Mum dies.

GSM sorry to pester you I have one question.
If it was proved there was coercion or her mental capacity was in question which invalidated the new Will what would happen then to her assets?

Would her previous Will stand even if it was revoked? Would someone be appointed to protect her home and finances?
She is adamant she is going back home and back to how it was. I have to tread carefully with her.

Thanks for your time.

Cool.

I have telephoned OPG before and its a lot quicker to just telephone them and then no waiting about for answers.

OandO, if you read the thread you will see that morphine was prescribed and that pita is endeavouring to establish whether an attorney has been appointed. Also you will see that she has been advised how to report concerns if there is an attorney.

In your situation I would be reporting the current attorney to the Office of the Public Guardians at www.gov.uk/report-concern-about-attorney-deputy-guardian

but do not hesitate to make a report to the police if you feel there is any criminal activity, unprescribed drugs being given or anything else underhand.

If she's been given unprescribed Morphine and this person stands to gain from her demise, then you have to go to the police.

Downloaded OPG filled it in and sent it to them via email. So just have to wait. My husband said something I agree with, if she was a true genuine decent friend when mum told her about the new Will she should have told my mum she didn't want the house and it should go to mums family & that it was wrong what mum had done! But no she's laughing all the way to the bank.
What is rubbing salt into the wound more is mums given her the house plus £10,000 and that is out of what is left after I pay debts, funeral and all other costs. Beggars belief!

I agree GMS has been brilliant I never thought I would get all this support. Last week I felt lost now I have hope and guidance. 😠😡🤬

Thanks biglouis, that’s kind. Always happy to help a little if I can.

GMS has given you some excellent advice.