I need to share

Possibly his parents' reaction to his homosexuality is what led your erstwhile son in law to attempt heterosexuality.

I knew someone many years ago who was in a similar situation; her husband left her for another man; her strong faith sustained her and she maintained a friendly relationship with him for the sake of their child, who chose to believe for a long time that daddy had simply gone to live with 'Uncle Peter' (who had been a presence throughout the marriage)because they worked together.
But it is the wife who is left to pick up the pieces when the husband departs for pastures new. My sympathy to your daughter.

You have my sympathy lincolnimp. We had a similar situation in my family 40 years ago. My SIL left my brother, taking their child with her and moved in with her then new partner, another woman.
After a couple of tough years, they worked together raising their child who grew up, with the love of both parents, into a well adjusted adult.
I always had a good relationship with her and eventually we rekindled that close friendship which remains to this day.

The immediate future will bring challenges for you all, but they can be overcome with time and patience.
I wish you all the very best for happier times.

Things always seem worse in the night . Sometimes it seems the fabric of our lives is as thin as rice paper and torn just as easily . It sounds like your daughter is being so strong throwing herself in to sorting everything for the children and making sure all the practicalities are taken care of . How unhelpful of the other grand parents saying she can soon marry again , maybe they meant it kindly as a compliment , but she just won't have time for that while she is so absorbed in the children . I'm sure you will be there for her to pick up the pieces of her broken dreams.

his parents sound awful

Lots of adjustments to be made all round and your daughter is lucky to have a non-judgemental parent. These things are always shocking and the fall out is very sad but it sounds like your daughter is being very sensible. Her focus on the children is admirable because many women would be very bitter.
I wish you and your family all the best and hope it gets easier for all of them.

You sound like a wonderful, kind, compassionate, sensible and practical mum! Lucky daughter.
Continue being there and being her support and her ear. I think this will be invaluable to her.

You don't say how old the DC are but I hope they are not going to be badly affected by their parents' split.

He doesn't seem too bad a man to me. He recognises and appreciates your DD is strong and will cope. There may have been earlier signs that he wasn't happy.

With your continued help I am sure the family will pull through this difficult time.

It sounds like it’s been very difficult for all of you. I hope in time all turns out well and everyone is happy once again.

From his parents reaction it’s obvious that he had no other option than to marry a femail.
Very sad for all concerned ( except his parents)

I'm so very sorry, lincolnimp, what a shock for your daughter.
It's hurtful when one partner leaves for whatever reason and ges off happily and eagerly to a new life, leaving a distraught partner behind to try to pick up the pieces of their life and to try to keep everything as normal as possible for the children.

I confess that I spent much of the following few days with very leaky eyes, especially when they told us that we won't have to support our daughter and grandchildren physically, emotionally and financially for very long as she will soon remarry

That hurt.
That sounds very cold. I do hope they will offer support to your daughter who is, after all, the mother of their grandchildren and will continue to see the children.

From his parents reaction it’s obvious that he had no other option than to marry a female

Yes, he may have felt he had no choice if that is what they believe.

Latest update
He has a new 'friend', indeed has had since January.
He is being open with my daughter about this---going away for the night/weekend/5 days after Easter.
Their divorce won't be completed until late summer.
My daughter doesn't want to rock the boat, she wants to keep things calm for the children, and as she says---what would she achieve if she objected to his new life?
Still living in the same house until her purchase is complete.
He is so obsessed with his new life and future that he just doesn't see the hurt he is causing here

Still living in the same house until her purchase is complete

That must be very difficult. He sounds completely obsessed and it doesn't sound as if his parents are much help. Thank goodness your DD has you to talk too, but it must be difficult trying not to criticise.
I hope the children are all right and can come to terms with the divorce and also that their father will maintain a good relationship with them.

He is so obsessed with his new life and future that he just doesn't see the hurt he is causing here - this indeed is very sad for all the rest of you involved. I suppose my "generous" thought is that after (possibly) years of repression, this must feel like a first love. First loves can be very selfish and hurtful to those around us.

I hope he settles soon and a new equilibrium comes into your lives.

Thinking of you lincolnimp

I had an 'official' meeting with him yesterday, we have regularly held these so that we have a designated time to discuss 'business ' so that it doesn't intrude into family life.
I haven't allowed my thoughts on his behaviour to be voiced for some weeks. but yesterday there was a natural opportunity to do so.
This arose as we both had received an email from someone in a voluntary Christian organisation to which we both belong saying that she was resigning from her position on the committee as she can't accept his behaviour--not his sexuality but his divorce and lack of remorse.
He couldn't understand this at all.
This gave me the opportunity to have an in depth talk to him, the three main points I made were
He could have waited until he moves away in the summer to develop the new relationship to the extent of spending nights away with his new partner.
My daughter is only going along with his wishes as there is nothing to be gained by opposing them.
He should not introduce the children to any new partner for at least a year after the divorce.
There were other issues, all spoken with a few tears but calmly and with thought.
He sat and took it---then we completed the business that was on our agenda.
Apparently he told my daughter later that I had given him things to think about.!!!!

Very sad situation for you all, I am sorry you are all going through this. What shines through is the strength you all seem to have, which will hold your heads above water.

It is what it is and all you can do is support each other, be there for each other BUT its imperative that YOU look after YOU, by doing whatever you feel is needed, its ok being a 'rock' for your DD and GC but YOU need a 'rock' to cling to in all this..... you WILL all get through this with each other, by riding the storm together....

Looking at it from a different point of view ( which you won't want to contemplate x ) it must have been very difficult for your SIL to accept this in his life, i am sure that he too had many many sleepless nights. I am sure he 'suffering ' too.. x

Be strong .... thoughts with you ... with you all x

I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through. It sounds like a difficult and unexpected situation. Your daughter sounds like an incredibly strong and gracious person, and it's admirable that she's thinking of the children's well-being first.

It's normal to have mixed feelings about what your son-in-law has done. You can like him as a person and understand that he made a hard choice, but you can still feel sad and upset about what your daughter and her family are going through.

Just remember to continue to support your daughter and grandchildren as they navigate through this transition. It won't be easy, but with love and support, they will come out stronger on the other side. And know that it's okay to feel a range of emotions during this time - it's all a part of the process.

It’s a very difficult time for your family and your daughter may need help after things are sorted because relaxing after such an act of holding it together might be a trigger point.
The trouble with any break up in a marriage where there are children is that there is never a clean break because so many family events scupper that so hats off to your daughter for her response.

Aww your poor daughter and grandchildren what a shock. Hope everything works out well for you all, sending virtual hugs

whenever any relationship involving children breaks down, for any reason it is going to be difficult for all concerned. Not that unusual though, these days, and relationship education at school includes all different sorts of family make up. So, the g.children are very likely to know plenty of others in their circle who have a parent not living in the family home.

It is very important that the SiL is encouraged in every possible way to continue to have a good relationship and meeting with his children - important for those children, He will always be their Daddy.

It must be emphasised to the them that the fact that Mummy and Daddy not wishing to live together any longer, is nothing whatever to do with them or anything they have ever done (too often children blame themselves when parents part).

Whether Daddy is now living by himself, in a commune or with a different woman or a man has no bearing. If he is in a settled relationship with someone else, then the children will need to know and meet that person. (do not understand the idea of a year for this - sounds like making somet4hing secret which is always bad).

When our own children are hurt - it is always so difficult for us. So many relationships do break up these days for a multitude of reasons - as parents all we can do is to be there to be as supportive as we can in any way they wish. Time does help to heal.

I really cannot see the difference between Daddy leaving for another woman to him leaving for man.

Quite possibly, Franbern but to start the relationship whilst Daddy is still living with Mummy and being all excited about it, is insensitive, don't you think? Thank goodness OP's daughter is keeping her hurt hidden from her children because that insensitivity could have caused a storm.

Why can't he go get a flat?

I’m starting to change my feelings here I m wondering why you are so involved Lincolnimp as to have regular meetings with him about his behaviour etc Is it for you to be doing this shouldn’t it be between him and your daughter ? The fact you ‘sit him down’ and give him rules, is a huge red light
YOU have set down rules for him!!! although the ‘rules’: are very valid this shouldn’t be your business to make them surely

I m noticing in your last few posts a different side coming out
* His parents are praying he will be healed
* A person in your Christian community is resigning because of his ‘behaviour’

Whilst I don’t agree with the way he has done things it sounds as if you all live under very strict religious guidelines and you have taken on leading the sorting out of this which isn’t your place Your place is supporting your daughter and grandkids not sorting him and his life out
He sounds a weak man probably because he was under his parents strict Christian ruling, growing up and he’s suddenly found himself and life, and whilst I totally understand your want to help your daughter and sort it all out to be as amicable for your daughter and children as possible it’s not for you to sit him down and set rules and regulations

If he has such a high public profile can’t he afford a flat or rooms of his own

Bluebelle
I am not interfering or trying to sort out their lives , and I care deeply for him.
My regular meetings with him are in the diary and nothing to do with family life.
The conversation we had arose naturally from a business matter.
Actually, it had been a turning point for us all.
He took time to think about some of the points raised and the next day had a long positive talk with my daughter.
He had presumed that she would want nothing to do with him after his revelation, hence his shutting off from her.
He also shared many other things that have helped us all.
The practicalities remain the same, but there is now the beginnings of new warm friendship and an assurance that we will always be there for him in friendship

Franbern, the idea of not introducing children to a new partner for a year comes from well established child psychology.
Indeed, when single people adopt they are told in no uncertain terms that they should not begin a new relationship for at least a year.
Believe me, we well understand the psychology of marital splits and the effect on children, and are also aware of the fact that children misunderstand what they see, hear and experience.
The children are at the centre of all of this, in as positive a way as possible.

Wyllow3 it is easier all round for them to remain in the current house until the new house purchase is complete.
He now has a better understanding of the effects of his behaviour, which he admits was being like a teenager, and he is now more thoughtful