Retirees- what do you & dh/dh do with your day

Germanshepherdsmum

That’s not a good idea Elegran. It will tell him that in the past she’s complained about lack of sex - if he found his way to the relevant thread, which is easy, he wouldn’t like the graphic details posted about performance.

I hadn't read her past threads, GSM Not a good idea to remind husband of shortcomings in that area!

He sound like a typical type of older person set in their ways. I don't agree with being together all the time. It takes ages to adjust to retirement. There is no easy answer

I went back to work last October best decision ever . I'm 72 and delivering parcels 3 days a week lots of walking out in all weather's but I love it

That’s not a good idea Elegran. It will tell him that in the past she’s complained about lack of sex - if he found his way to the relevant thread, which is easy, he wouldn’t like the graphic details posted about performance.

Show him this page, Clio51 , the replies as well as your original post. Then follow the advice freely given on here, which in brief is, "Talk to one another honestly, but with neither malice nor whinging and listen to what the other is saying "

I am retired and husband is just about retired. He has his own business but can’t quite manage to give it up just yet.

We have a cottage nearby which we let out for holidays and it’s always busy so we have changeovers to do there which we do together and we have it off to a fine art now.

He brings me tea and breakfast in bed at 8 (I did the tea in bed for him plus kids for all of our lives until I retired.) I then do my exercises and he goes off to feed the horse and pick up the poos.

I do the bare minimum of housework now but people always say the house looks nice. He cleans the vehicles. We both do bits in the garden. I do all the cooking. He does most of the decorating. He pays all the bills. It just happens that way, we don’t plan anything.

He has a big motorbike too and sometimes goes off for a ride. I have lots of friends and meet up with them for coffee, lunch, cinema etc. He is quite happy on his own. Sometimes he and I off for a walk at the coast and have lunch together.

I read a lot, crochet and knit a bit. I also do some family history research. He likes polishing his bike, fiddling with gadgets, buying stuff online. It works for us anyway.

ninamoore

Here’s a question; What do all these abbreviations stand for?

Mostof them are listed on the "Acronyms" page. There is a link to it among the links near the top of this page, but here it is again. - www.gransnet.com/info/acronyms
If the one used isn't there, a bit of imagination often works out what it means.

Thank your lucky stars that you still have your other half to complain about. Many of us are now coping alone with the things that our partners did do, when they were still alive, so we wouldn't be too concerned about what they didn't do, if they could come back and not do them.

First, get an appointment with your GP about your anxiety. Then start work on your relationship. I don't know what sensible advice you got after your last two threads about it, but if you didn't take any action then, no wonder nothing has improved.

If you are both committed to this partnership, and wish it to continue into real old age, you need to be honest with each other over what you need from it, what you are willing to put into it, and what you would ask the other to put into it, and plan your week accordingly. If you are don't care if it doesn't continue, then just go on as you are, neither of you budging an inch to make the other happier - things will sort themselves out when one of you can't stand it any longer and leaves. It may be you, it may be him.

You need a balance between doing things together and doing things apart. Clean once a week, then leave the house alone, apart from keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean. A house can drain your life away, if you let it. Order a new carpet for your bedroom, and get that shower fixed. Consider them as investments in your brighter future.

Find some active hobbies or interests which hold your interest and give you something to think about even when you are not doing them. Your anxiety is partly because you are not doing anything that involves your brain and imagination, so they both have to latch on to irrelevancies to fill the void. Have a project that you plan and do a bit at a time and are pleased when you see it making progress - something creative that is yours , perhaps go to an evening or day class to learn some new technique for it.

Leave husband to get on with his own hobbies and interests, but remember to ask him how they are going on, and to tell him when you are pleased with how your own project is progressing. These will be things to talk about when you go out together on a regular "date" - regular once or twice a week, or every second week, or once a month, whatever fits into your other schedules, and pre-booked and prioritised, so that you both know about it in advance, like the ones when you were courting and looking forward to meeting up again and chatting. Having something to chat about will make the outing more fun than you moaning about it ending in "coffee again" and about how bored and anxious you are.

How do I spend my days, well I do a little housework, then I craft a little, read a bit. My husband makes breakfast and we have that together then he goes out for a few hours cos at 72 he refuses to not work. He comes home for lunch, we spend a couple of hours together, he may or may not go out again. When he comes back we spend an hour or so in the pool then make dinner and just chill together.
Evenings we watch tv and chat. Sounds boring but I love it

I am,bringing up my niece had since 8 days old now 13 months.Life now consists of baby groups Moo Musical Swimming Vists to the farm.Also seeing the sheer joy and excitement in every day through her eyes.Some nights I am exhausted but so happy

I am so glad I live alone. I do and spend what I want. Very social life, lots of classes, hobbies...etc None of my exes would have fitted in with my happy retirement!

Jaxjaxy and germanshepherd, you don't need to run a surveillance mission. If you've got nothing helpful to say, scroll past. Really unnecessary to bring up the OP past posts.

Sounds to me like you're really fed up and bored ,shame you are so anxious and panicky ,you could do a Shirley valentine ,just stop relying on him for your happiness ,go find your own !

My husband passed away 5 years ago unexpectedly so life is very different now. I'm blessed that I still have s rich fulfilling life with friends, my family, grandchildren, and outside hobbies and service.

My late husband wouldn't leave me if I wasn't in a good place. He is my second husband and amazing man though. I/we were so blessed to have met him.

I have mental health issues too as well as other conditions. He was so supportive. I know most aren't, so please don't judge your experience based on mine.

The ex was violent and abusive as was my late father so to meet my second husband who was the total opposite of everything I had ever known was amasing.

My hubby liked to go to the shops and he would go up most days. He didn't mind what I did for me. He was unusual as he was a very unselfish man though, though not perfect.

I shall remain a married widow until its my time. No one can ever, (nor do I've want to meet anyone) come near the man he was and still is to me and mine.

Here’s a question; What do all these abbreviations stand for?

I have a couple of friends who always complained about their husbands. Each of them lost their husbands to sudden death. It is interesting to now hear them talk about their 'Darling husbands' I sometimes wonder if we are talking about the same people. what is my point here?
Perhaps if you thought you were going to lose your husband tomorrow, all of these little irritations would be as nothing. So, you are ahead of the game. The chances are that with any luck you will still have him tomorrow. Fresh day, fresh start. Are you still the same woman he fell in love with?
This is tough love, but you have this precious time together to make each other happy. What do you have to lose by giving it a try?

DH and I are very different. He has interests outside of the home and most of mine are inside - crafting, quilting, knitting, reading, gardening. I don’t need groups to do these thing with so I don’t join them. I do educational courses from time to time. DH has outside responsibilities as well as hobbies. Sometimes I get a bit fed up with the former! But he’ll do anything I ask in the home or garden. He is not as “noticing” as I am but it’s just that, he genuinely doesn’t notice what needs doing!
Your DH doesn’t sound as reasonable as many on here and this is obviously bothering you a lot as you’ve (apparently) been on here before and things haven’t improved. Have you tried any of the advice? I know it’s hard when nothing changes but maybe you need to be the one to make the changes. Look after yourself.

Both of us had demanding jobs with a lot of responsibility in the public sector before we retired early. Both went on to either voluntary or self-employed roles for about 10 years. We are now fully retired. I think the ten years helped us ease into retirement together and we both have interests but we also holiday quite a bit together. Retirement needs thinking about by both partners and acceptance of the loss of the job and perhaps the work relationships that go with it. Work does create meaning for many people and creating meaning for oneself is no simple task.

Amalegra

Sometimes I miss having a partner after my divorce many years ago. Tried dating much earlier on but my heart wasn’t in it. Never met the right person I suppose. Now I’m retired I try to fill my days as productively and as happily as I can with family, voluntary work, a few coffee mornings, adult education (when I feel like learning!) and a bit of crafting. I don’t have close friends; I have never felt the need! Acquaintanceship is fine. While my way of life might be alien to some who don’t like to be alone-and sometimes I AM lonely, no mistake- at least I am autonomous and no longer have a ‘significant other’ to worry about or cramp my style. I remind myself of that whenever I am anxious or worried about something and feel myself somewhat alone. There is indeed a price to be paid for every thing after all!

My husband has long-term heart problems so it is likely that I will eventually be living alone and I think will feel as you do.
I do have friends but see very little of them, I'm just not very sociable and I doubt that I will become so. I can't see myself settling down with anybody else, I don't really see where I would meet them.
Some of us are just more solitary than others and reasonably happy in that state.

We're very different people but get along OK in retirement. OH is a morning person but I'm a night owl that doesn't do mornings. OH does cooking and shopping and gardening. I do most of the cleaning and washing. We share ideas about what needs replacing in the home but it's nearly always what I decide. OH is a pub person, plays chess, badminton and bowls. I hibernate in the winter and have just taken up knitting after a break of several years. Buy and sell online too, mostly for DD and DGDs unwanted or outgrown clothes. In summer we both like travelling abroad or in the UK, picnics in the park, day at the beach etc.

We're at home together 24/7 most weeks, though he does go to our holiday home every now and again if we're having the boiler serviced or to check things are OK there.
We sometimes get on each other's nerves but, although we now live in a flat, he has his own room with music system, Sky box, keyboard, books etc.
We don't have much in the way of outside interests, but our newish property is on a very sociable estate so things are organised if we want to participate. For example some of our neighbours are going out for a meal tonight and we're going to that. Typically my husband doesn't get involved in this type of thing but it's in a restaurant that we both like.
I should add that our daughter and her two children live very close so we see them most days and I do four of the school runs during the week.
We've been married almost 50 years and like each other's company, personally I don't see the point in developing outside interests for the sake of it.

Oh dear, you do sound unhappy! Do you ever have friends round? I’ve got to say you are far more houseproud than I am - don’t think that I would notice dust on the skirting board!I retired much earlier than my partner and got used to a great deal of ‘me’ time. Luckily neither of us have ever been bored We both spend time on our laptops/iPad each day. Like your partner my husband likes to get out each day and if the weather’s bad he’ll go on the exercise bike. I go to bed early and read, he watches sci-fi or car programs. We usually shop together once a week and occasionally venture to other towns where we do splash out on coffee etc.
I suppose after some serious health problems on his part (heart attack , cancer) I’m just abidingly grateful to still have him and although we have the odd spat I’m very lucky!

I must agree, harsh as it might sound, with Shepherdsmum and Merylstreep - don’t worry about the rest of us, firstly do something to help your anxiety - awful to suffer with this and maybe a GP - then bite the bullet and have a good open honest chat with your DH and decide the way forward, with or without him ! Put some real joy back into your life right now

Best not to be joined at the hip, nor sitting around at home all day, drinking tea and watching tv. Each person needs their own hobby or interest. My husband did very well with his cycling club and on my encouragement he then found what I call` a quiet hobby`, tried painting models, nope, then found wood carving and a group and he flew

We made sure to have together times during the day eg long cycling rides with a picnic. Walks. Days out with bikes stuffed in the boot. Holidays, cinema etc

He never needed to traipse after me at home, we had our natural areas ie he cleared up after meals and I cooked. He liked ironing, so he ironed and he cleaned the showers, made the bed etc. We made sure to live in a 4 bed house, he had his room and me, my room

Hi there , we are both retired , just find your own interests , do not depend on anyone else husband , partner , friend , one half day a week I clean and tidy etc , no more it is relentless, eat out once a week with hubby if suits , I do arm chair exercise , crochet , yoga , Pilates , woman’s group , meet friend , find you thing , hubby golfs every day , that’s his thing , enjoy finding out what your thing is