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Dealing with sisters distress with her falling out with another sister.

(10 Posts)
Marketkat Sun 26-Mar-23 10:56:03

I’ve ended up being the sounding board for my younger sister who has had a difficult time with my elder sister. My older sister is 69 lives on the breadline and recently went to stay with my other sister who is loaded and has a very different perspective on life is 58 and still working in a stressful but lucrative job. They fell out about something trivial and my elder sister left and has for 6 months has not responded to any family member, she has moved house and not passed on her address so we only have contact by email, text or phone, but she doesn’t reply to any of these. This has affected my younger sister greatly and I am now visiting for the weekend, we’ve talked about it extensively and I’ve tried to be diplomatic. Tried to support her, I think she has to let go and I want her to be at peace, feel I’ve made things worse by trying to understand what happened although I don’t really understand. I wish I could bring back her peace of mind and I’m very angry with my elder sister, though I feel very sorry her and if she doesn’t reply to any communication what can I do.

Ali23 Sun 26-Mar-23 11:02:06

Oh dear, this sounds both complicated and painful. You all have my sympathy.

I wonder if your sister might benefit from counselling? Nobody can change your older sister’s mind about whether she wants contact or not. Only time will tell what happens there. But with help your younger sister may be able to cope with the hurt and move on.

Shelflife Sun 26-Mar-23 12:08:59

This is such a sad story. You are there for your younger sister and I am sure she appreciates that. Not much more you can do other than continue to support her. Good luck.

Marketkat Sun 26-Mar-23 16:58:53

Thank you both, working through it. 💐

Hithere Sun 26-Mar-23 17:58:03

I would highly recommend for both sisters to address this if/when they are ready- flying monkeys only make it worse

What seems trivial to one person is very important to someone else - what happened?

Step back and do not get involved

Wyllow3 Mon 27-Mar-23 06:12:25

Sibling troubles are very hard..I can't understand how you have made things worse. I don't see flying monkeys unless you are both dissing elder sister, I'm sure you are not, but if you are becoming deeply uncomfortable then the suggestion of counselling for younger sister may help you stand back a bit. Sounds like you cant "solve" her pain -sure you've tried.

NanaDana Mon 27-Mar-23 07:03:42

Such a painful experience when a family member chooses to cut all ties. You certainly haven't made things worse by trying to support your Sister... quite the opposite. Sadly, you both may have to accept this situation, and this may take some time. It will never go away completely, but will become easier. I know because this has happened to me. I eventually realised that in this life, some people are radiators, and give off warm, positive vibes, whilst others are drains, and are best avoided. These days, my focus is very much on the radiators. Counselling may help your Sister get to that warmer place, and to get on with her life. Hope it all works out.

Marketkat Mon 27-Mar-23 08:06:59

Thanks everyone. I think talking things through with her although upsetting has helped, accepting there’s little we can do without communication from elder sister. Seems pointless waste of time to keep going over it, all we can do for now is wait until we hear from her, if we ever do. Thanks a lot. 🌼

eazybee Mon 27-Mar-23 10:33:42

Oh yes, Nanadana, drains and radiators; I know exactly what you mean, and there is very little you can do with drains, unfortunately.

JenniferPearson Fri 31-Mar-23 05:29:56

It sounds like they are in a tough spot. It's never easy when family members fight, and it's even worse when they won't talk to each other. It's great that you're trying to be there for your younger sister, but it's important to remember that you can't force anyone to get along. Your younger sister might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about her feelings and come to a place where she can accept them. As for your older sister, she might be having problems of her own and need some space. Keep reaching out to her in a kind and respectful way, but if she's not ready to talk, try to respect her space. At the end of the day, all you can do is be there for your family and hope that they can find a way to fix things on their own.