Cougars - not the four legged type

Franbern

I had a long chat with my friend yesterday. I did give her warnings about marriage (regardless of her comments on Sharia Law), and she says she has no intention of marrying him.

However she then went on to tell me that she has given him him ex husbands old wedding ring, and when she is with him she wears hers, to make it easier for them to be together in a Muslim country!! She also told me that he (and she thinks it 'sweet') calls her 'his wife'. and introduces her to his friends, etc. in that way.

This concerns me now, as would there be any way he could use this to argue that he thought they were married (even though no ceremony had been undertaken - should she die), , and therefore go to court to claim her English will is no longer valid

I don't think a UK court would recognise a marriage under Sharia Law as it could just constitute a declaration by them both in front of witnesses that they are husband and wife.
It sounds as if they have both done that..

However, I could not say whether or not a UK court would definitely not recognise such a marriage.

Shanie sadly not. She has actually fallen out with her son who has tried to advice her on this.

It all sounds rather concerning. Does your friend have family members who can chat with her?

Fleurpepper

tickingbird

It’s the same old story. There have been many programmes on such relationships. When the young men concerned are from poor countries it is usually a way of either getting into the UK or sourcing money. I’m afraid your friend may be about to get her heart broken. I find it very sad.

His- he is gay.

This ISN'T a gay relationship.
The OP has said he and she multiple times.

I guess there’s no answer to that without knowing the law of his country, which probably none of us does, but it is worrying.

I had a long chat with my friend yesterday. I did give her warnings about marriage (regardless of her comments on Sharia Law), and she says she has no intention of marrying him.

However she then went on to tell me that she has given him him ex husbands old wedding ring, and when she is with him she wears hers, to make it easier for them to be together in a Muslim country!! She also told me that he (and she thinks it 'sweet') calls her 'his wife'. and introduces her to his friends, etc. in that way.

This concerns me now, as would there be any way he could use this to argue that he thought they were married (even though no ceremony had been undertaken - should she die), , and therefore go to court to claim her English will is no longer valid

We have an elderly lady nearby who used to holiday in Turkey. She met a young man over there who was in his 30s and she was in her 70s. She is wealthy from family money.

She spent thousands getting him a visa, he got here and moved in but within weeks was chatting up all the young girls in the local shops etc. She encouraged him to find work but he was very lazy and didn’t bother. Then she had a knee replacement and he used to go out all day and visit other Turks and was no help.

I hear she has now had to pay him to clear off and not come back!

Exactly - you’re hardly at your most appealing after a hip operation so if the guy stays around for the three months after that then he may well be a keeper!

Oh dear. And if the visa isn’t granted I doubt she will see her money back. If you were involved in what you saw as a romantic relationship with a much younger man would you really want him to be caring for you just after a hip replacement?

Oh dear, this situation is getting worse. This lady is due to have a long awaited hip replacement in a few weeks time. She is concerned (naturally) as to how she is going to cope when back at home. Trying to arrange a care package but has been warned as to the shortage of these people. Thee is no way her son (with whom she is in contact) can take time off his job to care for her (not sure if she would want that in any way). Anyway, she has now sent money to this young man to pay for his visa and his flight for him to come over and live in her house for three months - he says he is happy to look after her post-operation!!!! Her son, hearing about this is furious - certain his Mum is allowing herself to be being scammed, flaming row and now he he, like his brother, states he will have nothing further to do with her. Very sad, his behavior is driving her further and further into the arms of this foreign young man.

I am trying to be as supportive as I can. I do not know her son(s). She is trying to pretend she does not care - but does!!! I have tried pointing out to her how the son feels and why he is so suspicious, but she will have none of that. Not sure if the visa will be granted.

It 'could' work out just fine, but....definitely warn her of the pitfalls and ask her to see a lawyer about anything to do with money, estate etc & this man!!
'IF' she marries him, go for a pre-nup, and make a new will straight after so her son still gets his inheritance!!

Sorry I meant to say younger than …

Yes, a new will can be stated to be made ‘in contemplation of marriage’ but best to get a solicitor to do it to ensure it’s watertight. I still suspect an intention to acquire British citizenship. I may be wrong of course. I haven’t looked back on the thread - do we know how the friend met this man/boy? It’s so odd that his parents are happy with the relationship if there’s no ulterior motive. Isn’t it usual for parents in many cultures to expect children to look after them in old age? And presumably his parents are older than OP’s friend?

I hope she realises that if he persuades her to marry him, it will render any previous will invalid. She would need to make a new one, which I believe can be made in advance and dated from the day of the wedding.

Thanks for the update. I expect she means that sharia law says Moslems are not permitted to inherit from non-Moslems - but that’s not English law and if they married her English will would cease to be valid and ‘our’ law determines who would automatically inherit from her. Hey ho. So long as she understands that. Do he and his family see her as a source of money and a roof over their heads? Probably. And what does she think will happen to the house in his country during her absence - and what will happen when she is no longer fit to travel?

Nanamary thanks for this. I watched this on Iplayer.
However, it is very different from what my friend is involved with. She definitely knows this man (boy). Has spent considerable time over the last couple of months with him and with his family.

She does not use the word 'love' but says she appreciates that he looks after her when she is with him, l and gives her friendship, etc.

Following GSM I did warn her about marriage = she told me that Moslem men are not permitted to inherit from non Moslem people. I still emphasised that even so , any a marriage would give him legal rights to any property etc in UK. She thanked me and said she had no intention of marrying him.

She is intent of going ahead with this. Her money, her life.....
We asked what she though he was getting out of this relationship and she told us that he was a very quiet young man and enjoyed her company. Asked why she thought he had not married, she came up with a whole plethora of reasons.

Is it a scam? Not sure, He has, of course, accepted around £1500 from her so far for building work and other things. And I am certain that he sees her very much as some sort of money source. BUT....if he does give her the gentle relationship she thinks he will, then that is down to her.

I was astonished at this tv programme, just do not understand ho can get into those situations -

This type of scaming was higlighted on a bbc1 morning programme hosted by Kim Marsh.
If your friend could watch ut on catch up she would see she is being targeted. It's called For the love of money it's on Iplayer

I have a cougar friend. In her 30s she left her 2 children and husband to chase and eventually marry a 19 year old. He came from a wealthy business family and they ended up very happy and rich. Her children don't speak to her.
A young cousin was taken in by a North African man. Soon after their marriage he became entitled to stay here and he divorced her.

Calendargirl -
When we left the pub she sheepishly admitted doing it .

I'd seen her doing it in a club that we used to go to so I wasn't that surprised .

I don't know why she does it , because she has no intention of following it up .

I said nothing , but I was annoyed as it spoilt our lunch .
I was starving !

Those guys must have thought that she was giving them the come on .

Exactly my sentiments MOnica.

Congratulations to your friend. I hope it’s a happy union. However, my initial post was in response to the OP.

I gave an exemple- he is gay, my friend. Just got married 30 mins ago in Paris.

Fleurpepper

His- he is gay.

Wrong! Read the OP.

In my travels to far flung places, it’s not at all uncommon to see “unusual” matches, most often men with local younger women. Women with younger men stand out, wether love is involved or it is a financial arrangement I wouldn’t know.

I mostly travel with groups but on a couple of occasions I have extended the trip and hired a guide each day, an attentive driver/guide to look after you is very good and I can understand why some might extend the arrangement.

Why did your friend wave and smile at those men in the pub Esmay, especially as you weren’t aware she was doing it?

Not surprised they wandered over, probably thought they were being given the come-on.