Cougars - not the four legged type

I wouldn't say she is a cougar. I always thought that a cougar was a woman who actively went after younger men.

It sounds like your friend is being scammed, especially as she has given him money. She needs to be very careful

I thought a Cougar was being independant and not wanting to be tied to one man, just picking up a man when it suited you and not getting emotionally involved

There is no point in saying anything to her, she cannot see what is obvious and will not take kindly to being told.

Fortunate in a way that she doesn’t have a lot of money to give, the relationship will end sooner.

In a way, it has suited both of them, him a little money and her a bit of excitement.

If a good close friend I would have a gentle chat with her , she probably won't listen because in her mind she is young and beautiful again , mention about the money subject and of course the passport issue . Also ask to meet him socially , use your own intuition . Always a very difficult situation. Best wishes to you and your friend

Strange isn't it how the age difference is acceptable with an older man and younger woman but not the other way round.
I hope your friend is not giving away money she can't afford Franbern

I have a friend from San Fran who is 65 and marrying a Moroccan guy who is 33 in two days time. I mean, he is fit for his age, granted- but when he is 85, his husband will be 53 and in his prime.

It’s the same old story. There have been many programmes on such relationships. When the young men concerned are from poor countries it is usually a way of either getting into the UK or sourcing money. I’m afraid your friend may be about to get her heart broken. I find it very sad.

Not a Cougar but a sucker.

Sago

Not a Cougar but a sucker.

Love it 😂

tickingbird

It’s the same old story. There have been many programmes on such relationships. When the young men concerned are from poor countries it is usually a way of either getting into the UK or sourcing money. I’m afraid your friend may be about to get her heart broken. I find it very sad.

His- he is gay.

Not an uncommon situation, and my instinct is that the best "support" that you can give her is to not get involved, but to stand by for if/when it all goes pear-shaped. You're dead right.. "Her money, her life", so leave it at that.

sodapop

Strange isn't it how the age difference is acceptable with an older man and younger woman but not the other way round.
I hope your friend is not giving away money she can't afford Franbern

No, I most definitely do not find a forty year age difference, whichever way round (man/girl, woman/lad, female/female, male/male!!!

My best friend was married, very happily to a man 22 years older than her. She was exactly the same age as me and my hubbie. Can remember how often difficulties arose when we had chats about the past, her hubbie (lovely man), was nearer to the age of my Mother in Law than us.

But forty years!!! She is arranging to down size from her house here, to a small flat and purchasing a small apartment in this lads country, so she can live in each place for six months of the year, and this lad would stay and ' apartment; sit' for the other six months. She us estranged from one of her sons, and the other is obviously concerned but does not want to fall out with his Mum,

She is not a close friend, only have known her a short while, she says she values my opinion as I have not been scornful. She does say how lonely she is, which IMO is the basis of it all.

For myself I really cannot ever imagine having or wanting to have any sort of relationship with anyone so much younger than myself - but that is me, and we are all so very different.

Is she sure this man is who he says he is? It sounds very much like a dating scam. She’s basically now buying a home for him - where when she’s in the UK (and maybe even when she’s not) he will likely be entertaining ladies nearer his own age. Personally I would risk the friendship by trying to open her eyes and ask if she seriously thinks a man of 30 is attracted to a 70 year old - or to her money.

Obviously this relationship is unlikely to end well but you could advise her not to marry this young man, or downsize her property and buy in his country at this early stage.

She's already given him money so I don't hold out much hope for her - at the very least he'll get his hands on any property she buys in his country.

Has she even met him yet in real life?

It sounds like one of these cash scams. These people, very often, don't even exist as who they say they are.

They scam victims out of everything they can.

It is her life, but you could gently suggest that she watches a couple of these programmes - For Love or Money:

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b1px

She’s not a friend as such, an acquaintance, but values your opinion as you have not been so critical as some others.

When discussing things again, I assume you will, I would tell her straight that she is being taken for a ride.

If she ignores what you say, well, you’ve done all you can and from the sound of it, you’re not really close anyway.

She’ll be appearing on some documentary in the future, as have other such victims, crying, penniless, not able to believe she wasn’t the love of his life….

I think the insulting term Cougar is usually applied to rather more rapacious women who are not so much looking for love as for sex. However, the age gap, plus the fact that the man is not a British citizen is something of a red flag. This might well be a case of "There is no fool like an old fool".

Older men – usually the rich ones – with much younger wives or lovers are regarded with a high level of admiration, at least by quite a lot of other men, especially when they refer to "their" women as trophy wives. It must be very sad to be thought of as a thing, an ornament, an accolade. The men who do this are the ones who call themselves alpha males. Ha, bloody ha!

While on this subject, which I think you now reliase causes me concern and fury on both counts, one of the most distressing things I heard – and I do not know for certain whether it is true – is that teenage Ivanka Trump asked her father to promise he would never date a woman younger than her. How horrible is that?

Yes, she has met him. Spent the last couple of months with him in his own country. Met his parents and family etc. I have seen his photo and he is a very nice looking young man.

She is set on this path and I feel the best thing i can do is to make sure that she ties up her finances so thee is no way this young man can take anything rom her with out her knowlege and permission. She has a will in place for her English house (estate) to be shared between her son and her g.children. She intends making this young man the beneficiary for the apartment she hopes to purchase in his country. So, she is taking precautions. I think she has been sensible with regard to finances - I am more concerned about her state of mind as she is so certain he is as much in love with her as she is with him.

I have been quite blunt when talking to her, also asking what she thinks HE is getting out of the relationship.

Why not direct her to information about romance scams. There are so many, and certainly the link between young African men and older women should be extensively covered as there has been so much of it.

Personally, with so much information everywhere you go from talks to Darby and Joan clubs (as in our village), to articles in magazines and online information, I almost reach the stage where I feel people like this (and men are just as vulnerable) deserve what they get.

If she marries this man (might he be seeking British citizenship by marrying her?) this will automatically revoke her will.

About a decade ago ,I was having a quiet drink in a pub with a friend .

We were looking at the lunch menu when two guys joined us uninvited .

I didn't know that my friend had been waving and smiling at one of them .

They were about 15 - 20 years younger than us .

They were odd jobbers , who seemed to sleep rough .

I got the impression that they were high on something or perhaps drunk .

One of them told us that he and his mate look for women like us .

We are cougars apparently !

They'd enjoy staying with us , having lots of really kinky sex and any gifts would be appreciated !

We rushed to the loo to excuse ourselves and beat a hasty retreat in my friend's extremely beaten up rusty old banger !

Normally we'd go on the bus !

We were both dressed in fairly shabby old macs .

We both needed some new clothes and a trip to the hairdresser - if not a full make over !

Germanshepherdsmum

If she marries this man (might he be seeking British citizenship by marrying her?) this will automatically revoke her will.

Thanks, GSM, had not thought of that. Will warn her about this.

No fool like an old fool.

He probably won’t marry her but drain all her assets and move on but she fell for it. She is obviously totally smitten by the attention nothing you say will deter her.
A much older relative of mine did the same thing about five years ago went abroad to pursue an online “relationship” and came back penniless.