DH’s friend made a pass at me, should I let it it go?

My old boss had a horrible husband who used to come into work and press us ladies against the wall until one day my colleague caught in his trap tipped her hot coffee down his front he never tried that on again

I wouldn’t describe it as ‘making a pass’.

In future, I would make sure I wasn’t stood near him though.

As for him being a university lecturer what’s that got todo with it, a top Uni law lecturer I once had the misfortune of living near is residing in a prison for a long sentence for raping underage girls over a long period of time
Degrees, fame or intelligence have NOTHING to do with being a decent person

Unwanted touching is just that. Nobody should have to excuse it or ignore it. A sharp, “Don’t touch me!” often has the person scuttling away.

I loathe when women are told to be nice, he was just being friendly, etc. No. Our bodies aren’t public property, and we should never have to tolerate someone putting their hands on us without our consent.

I also dislike the, “It wasn’t sexual!” First, I sincerely doubt he’d have done it to another man, so there IS an element of sexuality to it. Second, why does it have to be sexual to not want someone putting their hands on you? Women should be able to say no and have it respected, without anyone excusing the unwanted behaviour.

I used to go to a daytime cinema for seniors. I once ended up sitting next to a man I’d sat next to before and made the comment in just a matter of fact way. However not much later he asked if he could hold my hand. I said no in a rather shocked way but couldn’t help thinking later that perhaps he was just sad and lonely. Anyway we both just watched the film quietly.

I just ignore them totally or fix them with a basilisk stare and turn away. Then I forget the whole incident. Why give them the pleasure of knowing you are taking any notice of the silly old fools.

From your description it sounds more like he was being a bit daft. I wouldn't describe it as touching you sexually or making a pass.
If he does it again I would suggest telling him firmly to keep his hands to himself I suspect he won't bother you anymore.

Yes, why should it always be up to the woman to keep their distance etc? Women shouldn’t dress provocatively, women shouldn’t go out alone at night etc., etc. isn’t it about time men took responsibility for their own actions? From a young age boys should be taught that women aren’t there simply as playthings or someone to look after them and pander to their every need. Yes, I have a bee in my bonnet about this sort of thing. Over the years I’ve met too many women who pander to their partners/husbands every need as if they themselves were somehow second class. Getting back to the original post, yes I know some men suffer from dementia and can’t help themselves but other older men need to be spoken to severely. I’ve known my fair share of creepy older men who seem to think they can paw any woman. It’s not on. Rant over, for the moment.

I'm withDickens. Inappropriate touching is inappropriate, and it's not the woman's job to keep out of a touchy man's way.

You also said ‘watch R Kelly’ - why?
Sorry, I must be missing something

Yes, I did. I’ve read the whole thread.
I still can’t see the relevance.
You may as well have mentioned Gary Glitter.
You aren’t making sense

Read my reply above yours

R Kelly is a predatory paedophile who exploited his celebrity status.
What has that got to do with anything?

Tolerance to sexual abuse and harassment

Hithere

Watch R Kelly - that's all I can say

Eh?

Just let it go - of course. Some people always misbehave in a 'jokey' manner, others may be starting with dementia and lose their inhibitions. Tickling your ribs isn't sexual touching anyway.

How about an eyeroll look and a comment along the lines of 'Have you any idea how sad and pathetic that kind of behaviour is?'

sodapop

Sometimes men behave inappropriately with the onset of dementia and sometimes they just think they can get away with it because they are older.

Just about to say the same! People with dementia often lose their inhibitions and act in inappropriate ways.

An elderly lady brings her husband to our local Tesco and leaves him to sit on a bench inside while she gets the shopping. He doesn’t speak to anybody else other than older ladies and always says the same “you look lovely today”. Some women don’t mind but others give him a strange look. If his wife overhears him she quietly explains he has dementia and she is sorry.

kircubbin2000

You're over reacting. I used to take out an 80 year old to various things and he always wanted to hug me goodbye and even suggested going on holiday together! Keep out of his reach next time. Many older men are like this.

I don't see why women have to put up with men grabbing hold of them in an over-familiar way, just because they're old men.

It's just disrespectful. And if he hasn't learned by now to keep his hands to himself, then he's an old fool.

As for keeping out of his reach - it's not up to the OP to be on her guard, the silly man should learn how to behave in mixed company.

Watch R Kelly - that's all I can say

You're over reacting. I used to take out an 80 year old to various things and he always wanted to hug me goodbye and even suggested going on holiday together! Keep out of his reach next time. Many older men are like this.

Yes I ve been having trouble with a middle aged man ( lot younger than me ) making a move touching my arm and tried ti kiss my hand even asked for my address let’s just say I don’t think he ll do it again

Startle reflex

Sometimes men behave inappropriately with the onset of dementia and sometimes they just think they can get away with it because they are older.

We have a man like this who lives near us. If he can insert a sexual innuendo into a conversation he will. Silly man