Finding contentment

I know how you feel lippyqueen. I would say get out there and do something. I volunteer with the National Trust at my nearest property just one day a week and it's really satisfying. I've made new like-minded friends and we chat to the visitors all day long. You become quite knowledgeable about the property and you then feel needed and worthwhile. You don't get paid but you do get your travelling expenses. Give it a go, you don't need to stay if you don't like it.

Sorry if this has been suggested already, I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but I wonder if there is a primary school locally where you could offer to hear children read? I get a lot of satisfaction from doing this one afternoon each week in term time and the children enjoy being with me and miss me when I do a different class or I'm away. The teachers really appreciate the help too, which makes me feel needed. Just a thought.

NanaDana what a beautiful, uplifting poem.

ennui -a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

Am I the only one who can identify with this?

FishandChips15

LRavencroft Thank you for commenting on my post. The village is cliquey as a lot of the residents were born here and are surrounded by family and friends. They obviously do not need anymore and anyone new is classed as a newbie.

I did go to WI, but left as they constantly pressured me to go on the committee which I do not wish to do.

I thought the ethos of WI was supporting, kindness and including, but no one has bothered with me presumably because I do not have a lot to talk about.

Interesting that you should say that about the WI. I am a dual member and one of the groups were constantly at me to join the committee with a very bossy Queen Bee in charge. The other group I belong to is smaller but the lady in charge is a hoot and all the jobs seem to be fairly well spread out and moved around month by month. I think a lot will depend on your district WI. Oh, yes, the cliquey village. I live in a parish like that where everyone here has family going back centuries. I take a bus to our local town to a knitting and crochet group and they are really nice. I really hope you find your group where you feel at home. Sometimes it takes a few tries but you will find your group. Good luck!

Lots of friends to be made there Fishand Chips.🤣🤣

Yellowmellow My GP suggested I self refer to talking therapy which consisted of 6 half hour sessions, mainly them ticking boxes and suggesting I should make more friends, but no guidance as to how.

I was also referred to AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving on about my kitchen she too thought I would benefit from making some more friends, but again ticking boxes and no suggestions as to how.

She then forwarded a leaflet and one of the suggestions was for me to go litter picking!!

Have you got a local dog rescue? If so, they are usually grateful for volunteers to walk the dogs, with no obligation to buy one.

Lippyqueen you can have everything practically perfect in your life and feel like this. It not about what you've got or what your doing. Im a CBT therapist and this issue comes up more than you think. Id have a word with your GP and be referred for some CBT or talking therapies. Your GP will assess which is appropriate. This feeling will pass but you may need some help with it

LRavencroft Thank you for commenting on my post. The village is cliquey as a lot of the residents were born here and are surrounded by family and friends. They obviously do not need anymore and anyone new is classed as a newbie.

I did go to WI, but left as they constantly pressured me to go on the committee which I do not wish to do.

I thought the ethos of WI was supporting, kindness and including, but no one has bothered with me presumably because I do not have a lot to talk about.

As sononeon this thread has sggested a gratitude diary is helpf ful. I use the Brooker's Daily Gratitude Journal which I found on Amazon.

Also look for something that went well because of some action on yours and congratulate yourself. i.e. I helped x to read by listening and having patience. You are positively connoting your skills. This many help you to life your mood and feel more positive.

Wow. I feel exactly the same. It could have been me writing this, even down to the son in Australia.

NanaDana
That’s a really great poem. Thank you for sharing. It’s what I tell my children/grandchildren nearly every day …..but maybe not so eloquently.

All the things that have been said make sense and help to fill your day but the circumstances you live in and your health have to be right to do them.
If you live in a small village with no shops, miles from the nearest town, you can't drive and there is no bus service only a request once a week. The church has closed. Your health is poor and you are not a comfortable mixer how do you do all the suggested things?
I'm not saying they apply to me but they do to some people I know.
They are not sitting wondering what to do for nothing and to say get up and do something is putting a lot of pressure on them.
I would say find something that you can do within your own home that you never had time for before but lends itself to being looked forward to.
When I left work I decided to continue the family tree my mother had started. It got me researching, writing to agencies and working with other people on the same problems. Another friend took up quilting and joined their society. Every hobby does not have to be out of the house.
As for volunteering, I would think twice. I have had this myself and my DD who does not work. If you are the one who comes in with the new innovative ideas you are the one who is left to do them or end up annoying people who are established.
lastly I would say if you have room put aseat outside your house and try and sit out at the same time each day. A friend with a terminal illness did this and we all go to the post box and know we will find her if she is fit and she has turned into the village Oracle.{smile]

FishandChips15

I am going through a lot at the moment revolving around my DH's health and him being in a care home. I have not got any hobbies or many friends and we are estranged from our DD.

I spoke to the GP who put me in touch with talking counselling who told me to make more friends, but no suggestions how. This took the path of six phone calls every 2-3 weeks and was just a case of ticking boxes.

The GP also suggested AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving about my kitchen she suggested I make more friends, but not really any suggestions how. She then sent me a leaflet and one of the suggestions to help me was to go litter picking!

I live in a very cliquey village which I find depressing. Some days I feel I am in God's waiting room.

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. All my friends deserted me when I started to be a full time carer for my parents. Overnight I was dropped as my only conversation was about being a carer. However, on the other side now and I found group activities really helped me. The people I know now may not be friends in the true word but through the WI and my knitting group we chat and all seem to share similar experiences. Could you take up a craft/play cards/join WI where you join in with activities? In time you will get to know your people. It may take a little while but if you share similar interests and do things together be in knitting blankets for charity/doing a stint in a charity shop you will soon find your people. Not everyone clicks and there are the Queen Bees but I have learnt to side step them and ignore them. What makes your village cliquey? It is religious or political? Usually general groups tend to be pretty ordinary. Good luck!

I am going through a lot at the moment revolving around my DH's health and him being in a care home. I have not got any hobbies or many friends and we are estranged from our DD.

I spoke to the GP who put me in touch with talking counselling who told me to make more friends, but no suggestions how. This took the path of six phone calls every 2-3 weeks and was just a case of ticking boxes.

The GP also suggested AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving about my kitchen she suggested I make more friends, but not really any suggestions how. She then sent me a leaflet and one of the suggestions to help me was to go litter picking!

I live in a very cliquey village which I find depressing. Some days I feel I am in God's waiting room.

Lippyqueen thank you for starting this thread it’s exactly how I’m feeling. And thanks to all the wonderfully wise gransnetters for suggestions.

NanaDana
What a lovely poem! 👍😎

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You say you are in good health and financially secure.
It may be that a demanding outdoor activity would lift your spirits.
Riding? Gliding? Dinghy sailing?
All are demanding not just physically but mentally. And all are potentially dangerous, but a bit of stress is supposed to be good for us. Challenge yourself!

lippyqueen, grab opportunities, while you are able.

You say you have good health and have no financial worries, please make the best of your life before it is too late.
I kept putting things off, (too busy working and trying to please everyone) then I was forced to take ill health retirement. My income took a huge drop and I was robbed of my physical independence.
I am now limited in what I can do and I am NOT happy about it.
You have to be proactive, I spent too much time dithering. I have so many regrets.

I see older age as the chance to do things I never could when I was younger and working. One of the best things is volunteering. I go into the local hospital one morning a week and talk to patients. I am in awe of the courage of many of them facing serious illness, and very humble when they thank me simply for giving them a little of my time. One of my long term patients reduced me to tears when he told me how much the kindness of a stranger means to him in his darkest hour. Its hugely rewarding and really makes me feel as if I can make a difference and be of some use in the world despite being 'old' (I am 70 and our oldest volunteer is in her 90s!).

NanaDana

Finding contentment? Here's one I wrote earlier..

The more I look around this world, the suffering I see,
I count my blessings living here, I hope you all agree,
Though no-where’s perfect, where we live is such a special place,
I’ll mention some advantages to help me make my case.
The first that comes to mind is that this morning I awoke,
A privilege to still be here, denied to many folk..
And although my health’s not brilliant, I’ve Doctors treating me,
And I’m living in a country where that treatment’s all for free.
I have a roof above my head, clean water from a tap,
I can always turn the heating up to fend off that cold snap.
And although I’ve never bought my clothes from shops in Saville Row,
I’ve plenty stuff that I can wear, though it’s no fashion show.
Yes, I’ve known hunger as a child, though never known starvation,
Which takes so many third world lives, a shame on every Nation.
I feel so guilty when I know these days I over-eat,
With children crying out for food, and dying on the street.
Our day’s not just a struggle, to manage to survive,
We’ve leisure time when I reflect it’s good to be alive.
Enjoying simple pleasures, Nature’s beauty all around,
Even sparrows in our garden as they feed there on the ground,
Bring a smile as I sit watching, now I have the time and place,
And our home is somewhere comforting, where we have our own space.
I won’t get into politics, although it seems to me,
The system may be flawed sometimes, but basically, we’re free.
And yes, there are some people here, whose aims are all perverted,
So we have to keep an eye out, and see we’re not diverted,
From defending precious freedoms which we’ve built up over years,
Continuing to live our lives, and not give in to fears,
As despite their worst intentions, this is still a peaceful land,
No war-torn cities, civil strife, where hateful flames are fanned.
Here family and friends are close, to lend us that support,
That carries us through troubled times, those battles that are fought,
When even in our pleasant lives, we hit inclement weather,
With those we love we press ahead, and ride those storms together.
So though we do complain sometimes, and end up disenchanted,
I’m counting all my blessings, and I won’t take them for granted…

Loved this NanaDana

Getting old can be difficult but as my GP once said “ It’s a whole lot better than the alternative “
His wife had just died at 50
To my astonishment I am 77 Can’t believe it so I don’t
In your 60s you can do anything
I walked the Compestella at 60 +
A highlight of my life
I wear dungarees have my white hair in a long Bob
Wear crazy boots and dance to Coldplay every morning in spite of something called osteoarthritis
Music, Meditation, Walking and above all Travelling doesn’t matter where
Don’t waste time it’s very precious

Do some voluntary work, donate to a food bank. We are living in hard times and if your life is comfortable you should be giving back. There are many people who are suffering with the cost of living crisis.