Separate at 62 ?

1Lois my AC and grandchildren did not come from my marriage it was a second marriage.

You say you jointly own the house, can you find a way of making sure he cannot borrow against its value (or if he does, he loses out in settlement)

Fortunately, I owned the house, but he could have claimed against it had he not had a substantial inheritance due.

I would advise very strongly talking to a solicitor to find out the practicalities next week. Even if you do not act on it, you will know where you stand. The new No Blame divorce makes matters much easier in terms of the separation bit, but still the financials to sort out.

Please check if you are partially responsible for any debts before you make a decision. Has he shown any regret for what he has done? I don't mean saying he's sorry, but actually doing something to change the situation? I could not stay with him if he's happy to coast along on your money after losing so much. He's a fool and a scrounger and an addict to gambling.

Germanshepherdmum
The savings were going be our income til his pension started and my state pension. Yes he needs to work or we separate and both go back to work.

Is your household income simply your small work pension? Does he have no income? How on earth do you survive? Does he expect to just live off you?

Caramme, yes I do agree with you re working so that's exactly where I'm stumped, if it was me it's the first thing I'd be doing to try put things right so... He plays sport a lot , carries on as normal. Which is making it worse. It's still sad.

Wyllow3 . I am full of admiration for you and building you're own life again. I wish you a full and happy life. Yes as you say it's the sorrow for all the good bits and children now grown up.

At 51 he is still able to work, and that would be non-negotiable for me. Surely that should have been the first thing he did. If he goes back to work and works hard until he has substantially recouped the losses he has made, well, maybe I would persevere. If he just wants to idle away his days living off of your hard won resources that would be it. And what, if he is no longer gambling on the stock market, does he do with his time? He sounds like a lazy chancer to me. I am sure you are worth more than that.

1Lois I'm 72 and starting a new life because of abuse, and its not easy but better than living with the loss of trust and

"I feel he's treated me as non existent in his choices he's made all along and deception." This is very telling "*all along".

I also feel stupid, I also feel great grief for the better bits. But some of the things you say about him seem to have a degree of narcissism in them. that means someone attaches themselves to you, at first showering with love, then undermining and deception and grandiose ideas.

If I can do it at 72 you can 10 years younger. You've a lot of life ahead.

Thankyou Carenzal28

Hi Oopsadaisy1
Yes he's 51 now so still working age was almost 49 when he left. I've tried to persuade ,discuss ,argue for him to go back to work but he just keeps blocking this . No he's not gambled before but our savings included money from my parents wills, so I'm so upset at this . The house is in joint names and I've just sorted my pension goes into my own account now. Yes I think underneath I do love him but not in same way now, I feel he's treated me as non existent in his choices he's made all along and deception... So I don't know, it's the brick wall of starting out on my own in my 60s that feels so overwhelming. Thankyou.

I do not feel I could trust him in the future. Who knows if he did have/earn more money, he would gamble that as well? I am so sorry for your circumstances.

You don’t say if he is now Retirement age or if he can go back to work and recoup the money he lost? If he can then he should asap.

If he is willing to at least try to then I might give him a chance, however, is this a one off? Was he training to be a trader (absolutely no excuse for not discussing it beforehand with you) or does he have a history of Gambling? Is your house safe from him or can he remortgage/ borrow against it? Does he have other debts that you don’t know about?

Lots of questions, but he has to admit and be sorry for what he has done and if he doesn’t and isn’t sorry then I would separate whilst you still have the house to split, deducting all the money that he has lost from the finances.

I would like to believe that he was trying to earn some money whilst being retired, but the cynic in me thinks that he retired just to use your money and savings to gamble. I hope I’m wrong. The one question I haven’t asked is do you still love him? Would your life be better without him?