My house. Should I sell to accommodate partner and downsize

LemonZest
What was your decision?

A relative left his lovely house to a close and dearly loved relative but his wife ( late marriage ) was to get to live out her days in the house . This lady lived to be over 100 and the person who was to inherit the house died shortly after her of cancer. You never know what will happen .

get legal advice and make sure you make a will (not just talk about doing it).

Poster not been back for 3 months. Maybe it’s all sorted now?

It sounds like he’s being financially manipulative. He paid half a mortgage for 20 years and got nothing .. doesn’t sound right.
Be careful put your head and your kids first .

I’m a bit confused about his arrangements with his previous partner. As it wasn’t his house at all, maybe he was in fact just paying her some rent?

I would positively encourage him to find a cheap buy to let, for his own security. Then downsize, buying the new property in your name only, if you want to free up some money to work less. Make sure you have a well written will to leave your house to your children.

I can understand how it could sort of just happen over time and love involved! But clearly the time has come to evaluate what you both want.

I'm aware you wrote he left a first relationship and got nothing from the house etc. Why could that happen? Was it generosity, the previous partner particularly I need or ill or even manipulative, or did he actually do anything in anyway which took away his rights?

Big difference.

If you are not married nor have entered into a civil partnership, then he will have no legal right to stay in that proeprty should you die, unless you have written a will giving him that right.

Seems a strange sort of relationship, is there any love involved?

Whereas I can quite understand your wishing your children tohave the benefit from your property, surely - if you really cared for your partner you would also be concerned about his future.

As others have said a chat with a Solicitor and probably a will drawn up giving him the right to stay in the property for remainder of his life (should you die first), with responsibility for upkeep of that property and your children to act as Exacutors of your will. Not for him to be able to sell that property or raise monies on it, not be used should he require care. The house to become the property of your children.

But, perhaps you firstly need to take a long and hard look at this relationship

I'm wondering about the nature of your relationship.

It feels like it been mainly money, and that you sort of slipped into living together to "give it a go" - perfectly reasonable at the time -

but have you discussed commitments as in sickness and in health - which can cut two ways,

ie him looking after you, even having to give up work, should sickness/disability occur to you, or mutual expectations should he be ill.

Then, caring as getting older, often takes extra money.

The there are the feelings about how much he's "given back". Emotionally, practically: has he "lived off you" in those ways, or has he given a great deal?

I think what you decide to do financially depends on how you see yourselves going forward together - or not.

For example, if he has and will care for you for a long period, will your children really begrudge him some reasonable security at the cost of part of an inheritance?

Even if you decide to stay just as you are, you need to get legal protection in place for you and your children.

If you didn’t do this when he moved in its possible he already has a claim on your property both as an individual and a business. You really do need to get qualified legal advice ASAP.

Why, despite years of looking at properties, hasnt he found anything suitable? Is it because he's on a cushy number living with you? In your shoes I'd be selling up, downsizing as I wanted to do and telling him to go and sort out his own accommodation. If he can't afford to buy, he'll have to rent like others do. No way would I compromise my children's future inheritance for him.

Rather than downsizing, how about helping him but at the same time putting pressure on him to buy a small buy to let property for his own security.
Use the rental income after paying the mortgage for you to reduce your working hours.

In return, you write a will leaving your property to your children but letting him stay there for the remainder of his life. He will need to write a will leaving his buy to let property to you.

Stay put. Get legal advice - now! (If you die and he's still living there, then it could be complicated for your children...)

Your partner has not committed to other properties he has seen in the past nine years. He also has a limited budget to buy another property but needs land for work related vehicles.
Do you really want to downsize and retire early? I personally would stay where you are the children would come before anyone else.

Get him to buy a small flat to rent out and give him some financial security.
Then sort your Will out and give him the rights to remain in your home for the remainder of his life should you pre-decease him, but leaving the property to your children.
This would remain the same even if you downsized.
You should seek legal advice about this because you would need to decide if he should provide rent to your children and sort out things like maintenance on the property and who is responsible for it.
The other scenario (however unpleasant) to consider is if you should need to go into a care home and how this would be funded. If you are forced to sell your home for this he would have no right to remain unless you declared this legally.

FarNorth

^He has also suggested we go 50% each on a property for both of us, but I don't want to get tied down with the stress of another mortgage in my 60s!^

Why would you need a mortgage? Wouldn't you use some of the proceeds from your current home to buy your 50%?

Don't do anything without legal advice.

(Are you sure there was legal advice involved when he was paying his GF's mortgage? It sounds unlikely.)

You are completely correct. I meant more if he suddenly couldn't work, I would be liable to pay his mortgage or lose my house. But yes, I would pay cash for my half

You really must get legal advice LemonZest, like Wyllow I also wonder if he may have legal rights having cohabited there for 9 years.

You've said what happened with him paying half a mortgage that was in his GF's name, getting nothing when he left. This is not the same thing. Was there proof that he'd paid half the mortgage because for example, paying into half into his GF's bank account, not directly to the mortgage provider isn't proof.

If you're wanting to downsize, why not do that anyway? The suggestion that your partner could rent somewhere to keep his work related vehicles has already been made, as has stating in your will that he can continue to live there should you predecease him, until he dies or needs too/wants too move out, at which time the house would pass on to your children.

I wouldn't worry about the age your children could be when they inherit, as long as they do. You need to ask yourself whether downsizing to free money so you can retire early is what you really want to do. If it is, go for it.

Are you sure he has no rights in your property just by having lived there? I may be entirely wrong, but do check it out.

I think, as you clearly want to stay together, some kind of compromise is needed, like him having a buy to let property, if necessary you helping out there. If you predecease him he will have somewhere to live and your house can be sold for the children. if you have some equity in the second property, be prepared to let go of that.

I'm sure he has contributed to the upkeep of your house in non financial ways (thats why I asked the question about him having any financial rights I your house) but that energy put in can offset any relatively small amount of equity you held in the buy to let property.

LemonZest, I was in a similar situation as in I own this house and married and Ex move in with me. He pressed me to put it in joint names but something held me back.

He had no means to speak of ie income would not support much input but he did quite a but on the house.

When we divorced the only way I kept the house was becuase he had been given guaranteed social housing and - he has a guaranteed inheritance that was more than equal to the value of my house.

You d need legal advice but first you have to work out what your feelings are about the future with him.

If I were him I would feel insecure about the future asince you've made it clear you want your children to have the value of the house - and a buy to let that he could live in might help.

But here's the thing: he has to be prepared probably not to live in the style he is accustomed to with you in a cheaper second property. Your compromise would be to party invest in that property and write off your share in it if you pre-decease for him.

Some honest talking is needed here, and the very bast of luck, as if you love each other these obstacles can be over come.

He has also suggested we go 50% each on a property for both of us, but I don't want to get tied down with the stress of another mortgage in my 60s!

Why would you need a mortgage? Wouldn't you use some of the proceeds from your current home to buy your 50%?

Don't do anything without legal advice.

(Are you sure there was legal advice involved when he was paying his GF's mortgage? It sounds unlikely.)

No, no no. That's it basically. An old friend, always told me, hang on to your home, because you never know what is around the corner.

I agree you should not be lumbering yourself with a mortgage. If you want to downsize, you should.
Have you talked this over with your DP?

I would carry on with your plans. It’s up to him to sort out his own “security”. 9 years seems a long time to be dawdling?

Spinnaker

Get legal advice and put your kids first.

Perhaps put yourself first?

I’m with the get legal advice group. I’d want to prioritise and secure the future for my children. It’s up to him to ensure he has security in older age.

He won't be entitled to any proceeds of house. He paid 20 years for half a mortgage that was in his GFs name only. He left and got nothing and this was with legal advice