He's ageing well, I'm not and he can't understand

I think it is outrageous how many people have turned this thread against the OP telling her how to improve her health etc. The problem is her insensitve DH who should know better and should be told so.

We have the same situation in reverse. At coming up to 80, I have spent the last 2 weeks hacking down a shrubbery, cutting the wood up and getting it to the tip. DH is the one with all the medical problems, cannot lift things because his breats bone has not reknitted after heart surgery etc etc.

I would never make gloat to DH about how fit and well I am compared with him, and neither should the OP's H. I certainly would not do what some have done and offer her 'helpful hints' on how she might mitigate his insensitive remarks.

MargoLeadbetter
Another thing to watch with your hair is, hair dryers etc. They can damage the root.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3229938/#:~:text=Background,dry%20hair%20without%20causing%20damage.

MargoLeadbetter
Have you seen a Trichologist for your hair. More often than not a Dr will only test for thyroid and B12. No disrespect to them but hair health is generally out of their field of expertise.
When I saw my Trichologist she sent a detailed list of what she wanted tested to my Dr.
They will go into details about your diet. No disrespect meant but do you get enough protein?
They will also examin closely the health of you scalp.

MargotLedbetter

*I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet and am not sure why you are saying you would need to go private to have treatment for varicose veins.*

Because I've enquired with my GP and varicose vein surgery isn't normally available in the NHS. It's normal for feet to swell up in extreme heat. It was 30+ C here a few weeks ago, particularly when you're older and female and a bit overweight.

Both points you make there are true.
I would tell him that you didn’t ask for your health problems and he’s lucky not to have any ( so far!) I would also tell him that pointing out your defects is making you feel upset.
People who love each other don’t do that.

I'm certainly creaking in the Achilles tendon department!

As the saying goes - the creaking gate hangs longest. I'm quite glad to be creaking in all areas!

Like others, I think he's expressing concern at your lack of action to remedy or alleviate them. See your GP and talk it all through.

What on earth makes you think I haven't already done that? Of course I have. I've sought advice for my thinning hair, too.

My feet and ankles have been inspected fairly recently by my arthritis consultant. I also go to a podiatrist. They talk to me about the difficulties that arise as a result of the inflammation caused by arthritis. They have seen what my husband observed and made no comment.

I'm not on any regular medication for any condition. BP and blood sugars fine. Cholesterol fine. I've been on a permanent diet all my life and as many women will have experienced, menopause makes a huge difference to the ease with which one can burn off the calories. If you're thinking 'Well, it didn't make any difference to me' then, like my husband, you're one of the lucky ones — and frankly it's not a good look telling those who live in different bodies and have had a different experience that they need to diet harder.

Margot, please see your gp about your swollen legs and feet, yes the extreme heat can cause swelling but so can high bp. My dm 87 went to her gp with swollen ankles and had dangerously high bp, was sent to A&E and diagnosed with pulmonary oedema. She’s now on diuretics.
I also read your DH comments as being concerned about you but hasn’t expressed himself well .

Your husband is lucky (so far). My DH is 77. He has health conditions, including cancer (in remission). He doesn't look his age, goes for long walks, has reasonably good hair and has only recently started to put on a bit of weight around his middle.
I am nearly 74. I have lost my hair and my teeth. I have put a bit of weight on lately. Prior to getting my hair system, I was suicidal about how I looked. I felt so low I can't tell you. This man tells me every day that I look great and years younger than my age. It isn't really true but how lovely of him. He knows what I've been through.
I'm not sure I could cope with your husband Margot.

He sounds like a typical, awkward, blunt type of chap who says things without considering the upset they'll cause. Still, he talks some sense.

In your 60s, you shouldn't accept these health problems - as normal ageing or due to the menopause. Like others, I think he's expressing concern at your lack of action to remedy or alleviate them. See your GP and talk it all through.

Norah

seadragon I seem to have read your post differently. I honestly thought your DH was expressing genuine concern...... I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet

I read his comments as concerns as well. Perhaps a bit of dieting would help many of your age concerns? Arthritis, swelling, knees, movement could all be helped by a bit of weigh loss (say 2 stone or so).

Much is genetic, doesn't have to be down to 'menopause' - he has drawn good genes, you could also perhaps work on your health?

We're near 80, slim, fit, still ski - some genetics but much diet&exercise.

Good for you, Norah.

Thank you for all the general health advice but we eat healthily, have been vegetarian for much of our married life and have always had plenty of exercise. That and his metabolism and geneticsis probably explain such remarkably good shape.

You only have to look at the women on both sides of my family to realise that we are genetically far more likely to have weight issues. Even photos of my mum and her mother during the war, when rationing was at its height, are not what anyone would call willowy! On his side, everyone looks slim to the point of emaciation.

I have all the regular health checks and I'm not on any regular medication except anti-inflammatories and occasional painkillers for the arthritis.

MargotLedbetter

*I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet and am not sure why you are saying you would need to go private to have treatment for varicose veins.*

Because I've enquired with my GP and varicose vein surgery isn't normally available in the NHS. It's normal for feet to swell up in extreme heat. It was 30+ C here a few weeks ago, particularly when you're older and female and a bit overweight.

You're right, varicose vein surgery hasn't been available on the NHS for a long time

This was me until last year when hubby took I’ll. a few weeks not well and he realised that life can take an unexpected turn. We are both ok but physically he’s definitely fitter than me but doesn’t say much about my health but he does worry about me.

MargotLedBetter I'm sure he's not gloating. But I sense that your self esteem isn't good right now and perhaps that is something to think about? We have a pledge where I look after me for him and he looks after himself for me, we owe it to each other. Could you start with changing just one thing?

I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet and am not sure why you are saying you would need to go private to have treatment for varicose veins.

Because I've enquired with my GP and varicose vein surgery isn't normally available in the NHS. It's normal for feet to swell up in extreme heat. It was 30+ C here a few weeks ago, particularly when you're older and female and a bit overweight.

I share your misery with arthritis having had surgery in different joints. It's made worse because I can't take pain relief what I was prescribed years ago caused kidney disease.
The swollen legs are caused by high blood pressure it could be a reason for your feet being swollen. I have varicose veins because my working life was in jobs standing for long hours.
I do exercise on line NHS sitting down especially for bad joints not too taxing. Walking a mile is a stretch for me why don't you just walk little and often. If you drive to the shops park up further away so you have to walk. Cut down on carbs that makes a big difference eat more veg than meat if you eat meat.
Your DH is fortunate his physical health is still good. It's just a pity he lacks maturity with his criticism of you. If might be concern but it's not doing you any favours he is crushing your confidence. Tell him to stop as his criticism is not wanted. Don't put yourself through getting veins done it only short term solution. Look after yourself.

I hope my two children have inherited their dad’s genes as he’s aged far better than I have!

MayBee70
This is the woman I saw Re my thining hair.
She’s brilliant. www.ukhairconsultants.com/our-services-uk-hair-consultants/

When you've never been ill it's very difficult to understand the problems others are having. I didn't think your DH was gloating either. I saw it as confused and worried. If I were you I would definitely see a doctor about the swollen feet and varicose veins and make sure that they are not symptomatic of anything else. I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that your husband is aging well and be proud of him. I remember my DM was very put out that my DF was mistaken for her son once, but learned to laugh about it.

seadragon I seem to have read your post differently. I honestly thought your DH was expressing genuine concern...... I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet

I read his comments as concerns as well. Perhaps a bit of dieting would help many of your age concerns? Arthritis, swelling, knees, movement could all be helped by a bit of weigh loss (say 2 stone or so).

Much is genetic, doesn't have to be down to 'menopause' - he has drawn good genes, you could also perhaps work on your health?

We're near 80, slim, fit, still ski - some genetics but much diet&exercise.

I think you need to tell him how upset you are about his remarks.I’m in my early seventies. My ex is a couple of years older than me and he’s just cycled from Cornwall to Scotland. When he was 70 he cycled from Scotland to Cornwall. He’s only just retired. He left me 20 + years ago, one reason being that he said I’d grown old and he hadn’t. But we never really talked through our problems with each other and, in retrospect, I wish we had. I wonder if we’re related because I have thin hair and arthritis inherited from my mum. I don’t know which is worse, the hair or the arthritis but thin hair is horribly ageing and it really upsets me and damages what little confidence I have! You say he isn’t insensitive in other ways but he sounds insensitive to me. Are you sure he doesn’t put you down more than you realise because my husband did.

Can you quietly try and lose some weight? It would help your arthritis and help your self esteem. Don't tell your DH though. If necessary remind him of his wedding vows ' in sickness and in health' . Don't take it to heart though. He probably doesn't intend to be hurtful.

I seem to have read your post differently. I honestly thought your DH was expressing genuine concern...... I would be particularly concerned about your swollen feet and am not sure why you are saying you would need to go private to have treatment for varicose veins. A check up for the former condition could include a mention of the latter if they are causing any pain or discomfort. There is even an outside possibility the two conditions may be related....

Are you doing everything you can to maximise your health from a diet, well-being and exercise perspective, I wondered if he was trying to say that he’s worried that you aren’t, in the usual inarticulate way men say things, rather than being unkind?