Walking On Eggshells for Critical DIL

What a ridiculous state of affairs! I get that no one would want to transfer cosmetics or perfume onto a babies skin and I cannot imagine that the OP would deliberately put the baby at risk in that way but bathing him to get Nana's 'scent' off........words fail me!
Tell them to find a paid nanny, they'll soon change their nit-picky ways.

Maybe just take a step back and think it through. You don't want to cause a rift, the baby is so young. I am sure you want him in your lives and to enjoy him and watch him grow. Would it be too difficult to maybe not use any lotions or potions on the days you have him? Then after a while if they don't comment on it, you could ask your son if they still feel it necessary to wash him. If he say's yes, they are being over-picky, and that will be a sign of their exacting standards. If they say no its been fine recently, then just quietly accept it, and relax and enjoy him.
There are so many estrangement stories on here, sometimes stemming from the most trivial of issues, surely a little patience and understanding now, would save torment and upset later? Wishing you all the best.

No Lathyrus I ve never ever sat near someone and gone home and had to have a shower and wash my hair !!!

I am so glad I had my grandkids 20 or so years ago as there were no rules I looked after them, (they only gave me a check list if there were any specifics like what time to give medication or similar) , otherwise they trusted that I had brought them up to adulthood so I would be perfectly safe to help with their babies
In other words they totally trusted me If the babies stayed over I was NEVER given any rules they knew I would never do anything not in the babies interest

Now it seems there are so many rules and regulations you practically have a time table of when you can pick up or even give a cuddle
Wash your scent off !! what a blooming load of twaddle

I'd be handing the child back and telling them to hire a professional child minder who will adhere to their insulting and frankly ridiculous instructions for a fee. Don't put up with this nonsense any longer OP.

Sorry.
My son had a lotion problem.
I was wiping his poor little raw bottom with “soothing “ lotion before I realised what the problem was.

She does sound a bit anxious to get things right but it is her first. She’ll be more relaxed with the next one😬

Let them find a nursery. They would really get in my nerves.

I think we’ve all sat next to someone on the train or at the theatre and been aware of the scent they use - and had to come home and shower and wash our hair. Even wash our clothes to get rid of it. Maybe ask a friend or two what they think?

Also one of my children did react badly to lotions of every kind. I was wii

I agree with Grammaretto providing they can find a nanny, childminder or nursery whose prepared to follow all of their rules. As for the baby being washed to get your smell off of him I'm surprised they allow you to look after him at all.

What a horrible thing to say and no you are not being too sensitive.

If your son and DIL can both smell a scent it probably is quite strong. You might be used to the lotion or whatever and not realise how strong it smells. If that is the case, it's not you they want to wash off but whatever the scent is. I wouldn't have liked my baby smelling of scent at that stage either.

Baby skin is sensitive, so the make-up could potentially irritate his skin.

The other things do sound quite demanding (unless Alexa really is loud), but from what I hear that's not unusual for first-time parents. They will probably become more relaxed, so I would just go along with them for the time being.

I think you should suggest they employ a nanny!

A childminder I know asked one of her "mothers" to find another childminder because she couldn't, or didn't want to, meet the very strict rules laid down by the parents.

Do you look after him twice a week as per your suggestion, or their request?