Do they say ‘Thank you ‘?

I don't give presents to people outside my immediate family, except for my nephew and niece. I can honestly say that I've never heard from my nephew and that my neice thanks me occcasionally but always several weeks late! This is why I've just continued to give them £25 for birthday and Christmas - it's a token present and I hesitate to stop paying it.

pascal30, thank you for your kind words.

thomasina34 you must feel the stuffing has been knocked out of you.

One of the more annoying aspects of all this is that even if we WANTED to dispossess our kids when we die by leaving them nothing in our wills - the law says we can't do that.

A older and very wise friend of mine (Malcolm), watching the horlicks his son had made of an inheritance from a grand-parent, and anticipating he would be next on the list of generous 'donors', muttered to me that his own will would read : "I, Malcolm, being of sound mind have spent the lot." I hope he managed it.

Working in a busy bar on Boxing Day at a racecourse a young man came up and ordered drinks I said to him say please which he looked quite embarsssed

Goodness what a rude lot of offspring some of us seem to have raised!
We usually learn by example but it transpires those of us with manners, and thought we had passed them, have this problem.
Personally, I wouldn’t give without a word, text, email or letter of thanks…

I think it’s very rude not to thank , and I’d certainly say something to either the parents or the child themself

My grandchildren are 14, 11, 10 and 4. They all thank us for dinners and for presents. The older ones usually send us a photo of themselves with a birthday present we’ve given them. We’re usually together to open Christmas presents and they always thank everyone for their gifts. I don’t suppose I was the best Mum, but I seem to have instilled manners which have been passed down.

thomasina34

I also have had enough, I was always the one to make sure my son's family have everything they needed, My son does not work in fact has never had a proper job at the age of 40, nor has his wife, with 4 kids that the general population pay for, as they claim benefits for the rent and everything else they need I have given up on them. Christmas 21, I sent them all a gift voucher for 100 pounds each = 600 pounds, I paid for a shop at Asda having it delivered to them, bought all the kids new coats from Marks and Spencers made sure they all have good shoes and boots, Christmas day we did not get a Christmas card or a text to wish us Happy Christmas. We didn't even get a thank you for the presents I had given. So I decided enough is enough and I have not contacted them since, nor have they contacted me, except for Christmas 22 when I received a text from mu DIL saying remember you have 4 grandkids

That is dreadful! I feel for you.
I met up with my late Mum’s best friend’s daughter Angela recently. Her Mum is still alive but with severe dementia in a home.

Angela has always worked and has a brother who is just like your son. Hardly ever worked, has wife and 3 kids. On every benefit going but his Mum always spent loads on them all, paid off his debts, bought him cars, paid for holidays etc.

As soon as he knew his Mum had dementia he conned her out of loads of money and helped himself to gold jewellery which had been passed down to her from grandmother and was very valuable. Angela involved the Police but they said there is no proof that he took them, despite him being the only person who entered the house.

Such a shame good manners cost nothing & I'm sure most would have time to send a text or Whatsapp message. Both sons,their wives and all 4 grandchildren will either text or call to say thank you. I feel really lucky.
I'd be inclined to send an unsigned cheque just to see if they got in touch.

With Royal Mail tracking etc I am reassured the gift arrived and that is enough for me although, if I have spent a lot of time choosing or putting together a special gift it is disappointing to get no acknowledgment. However both DS and DD work in health and social care and I can understand they have little energy to supervise thank you phone calls or letters.... I had the privilege and choice to remain at home till both AC were teenagers so had plenty of time to install good manners. I'm sure I could not have coped with working full time, also in health and social care as I did eventually and had 2 young children to look after as well.....

I send my 16 yr old and 11 ye old grandkids £20 a month ( pocket money)to their Go Henry accounts…it’s not a great deal these days …but they always send a thank you text or What’s App …usually within a few days , as they dont always check accounts or text messages straight away. They’ve been brought up this way …and I’m afraid it comes from the parents. It’s their responsibility to teach them good manners.
I would be disinclined to give anymore to ungrateful teens.

My grandmother always took it upon herself to remind me about saying please and thank you. Also "may I" and "excuse me". Even as an adult I would never have walked into my parents house and simply taken things from the fridge without asking first.

The rude young man that I posted about upthread could easily have asked "May I pass please" or simply "Excuse me". But somehow I was supposed to know he wanted to get past when he was behind me. No wonder his companion was ashamed to be with him.

I have two grown up children and three grandchildren and never ever get a thank you!!! I have to ask the children if they liked their gifts and it really annoys me.

A simple Thank You message, phone call, text, WhatsApp at least acknowkedges they did receive a present. My 2 GC alwaysxask if tgey shoujd take their plate away from the table and say Thank You when finished. Video call usually to say Thank You at birthdays and Christmas. Sure if the GC didn't acknowledge a present, both sets of parents would be telling me not to bother again and the GC would certainly be told why. Manners maketh the man/woman etc

I think we as GrandParents have a duty to remind our children and grand children about manners.
It comes with the unwritten ‘Grandparents Job Description’
It’s much easier not to mention but that’s lazy grandparenting.
It’s hard work sometimes xx

This absolutely bothers me too. My daughter always thanks me for any gifts I send either to her, her partner or tiny son. She sends a hand written card but then she was well taught by me! My niece and one nephew again always thank me which is much appreciated. However the other one never even acknowledges gifts, either to him or his young children. I'm afraid I've stopped buying them gifts as I don't have a lot of disposable income anyway. I doubt they've even noticed but it stops me getting annoyed!

I'm afraid we are on the other page. We live in Devon and our Nieces in Norfolk. We send until their 18th, but get a 'thanks' about once every 10 years. We kept sending, but spent 50% less. Her sister's children have always sent a thank you card and consequently receive more.

They both, however, drive within 2 miles of our home to visit the South West for holidays and we never see them. My FinL has met one of their children, the oldest when she was a toddler, she is now 23...If they walked in a room he wouldn't know them, but he does get fed up with no thanks.

Our kids said thank you, even as adults I will get a call, as will anyone who marks the occasion, so yes explain to your son. It is a small thing, which means a lot to older generations. Then, he can decide if he wants gifts from them?

When my son, aged 29, moved into his flat 9 months ago he received housewarming presents in the post or given to us to pass on to him. He phoned every single person to thank them.
3 friends AC sent me texts and photos when I sent baby presents.
Another friend’s daughter and son haven’t bothered to say thank you for the very generous wedding gifts or new baby gift. It’s the last time I will be giving them anything. Their mother tends to come across as quite entitled and so I guess the lack of thanks comes from her.

Vintagenonna
For your dh he must have been so disappointed.
I certainly would have been.

I dont think people give gifts in order to receive effusive thanks. However it is nice to know that the gift arrived safely (if sent in a card/letter) of that the recipient noticed it in their bank account.

Sometimes I gift money to my nephew who does a lot of "caring" things for me. I dont always say "thank you" in so many words. Nor does he always say thanks for the money. Often men are not good at that sort of thing and find it a bit embarrassing. However he will usually send an email telling me what he bought - therefore acknowledging the gift without the need for effusive words of thanks.

My stance has always been, "if you can't be bothered to say thank you, then I can't be bothered to buy gifts or send cash".

I'm quite happy to receive a handwritten note, a thank you card, an email or a WhatsApp message. But I do feel someone's generosity should be acknowledged by the recipient, in one form or another.

As a child my brother and I found it tedious to write thankyou letters after birthday or Christmas. But our parents , quite rightly, insisted on it. However a few weeks before Christmas one year mum caught us pre-writing our thankyous, leaving gaps for present to be named and inserted quickly after the day. We were sorry!!! and never did it again. These days to me, a thank you is really appreciated, and knowing what a pain it can be to a child, a generic copy/pasted message would suffice. Have I gone soft? Or just going with the flow?

We used to buy for nieces & nephews & never received an acknowledgment. Once they hit 16 we stopped on the basis that if they can’t be bothered then neither can we.

I ask my DDs what the children would like and give my DDs a cheque for their birthdays

caz6853

Can someone please tell me what GD etc means. The whole capital letter situation is confusing. Thank you. Also if you are in the situation where kids are not sending you thank you letters or you feel they dont appreciate you, my opinion is speak to the parents. They are the ones who should be instructing their children on the value of manners.

GD = Grand daughter. The acronyms are listed in the menu at the top of the page (click on Acronyms)

I also have had enough, I was always the one to make sure my son's family have everything they needed, My son does not work in fact has never had a proper job at the age of 40, nor has his wife, with 4 kids that the general population pay for, as they claim benefits for the rent and everything else they need I have given up on them. Christmas 21, I sent them all a gift voucher for 100 pounds each = 600 pounds, I paid for a shop at Asda having it delivered to them, bought all the kids new coats from Marks and Spencers made sure they all have good shoes and boots, Christmas day we did not get a Christmas card or a text to wish us Happy Christmas. We didn't even get a thank you for the presents I had given. So I decided enough is enough and I have not contacted them since, nor have they contacted me, except for Christmas 22 when I received a text from mu DIL saying remember you have 4 grandkids