Do they say ‘Thank you ‘?

I told my Son that I would give no more Birthday or Christmas presents to my 3 Grandaughters unless he taught them to thank me.
He did So now I get a Thankyou phone call or text from them.

I was horrified to realise that all three of my ACs did not consider it necessary to send thank you messages for wedding presents. I only realised when I commented that I hadn’t received thanks from a nephew. My ACs insist that it’s no longer the done thing. I find this attitude unacceptable.

My daughter in law doesn’t thank me for the birthday presents I send her. We usually transfer some money into her account and send something in the post (last time it was a cosmetics bag). Not a single word of thanks. When the money came up in conversation (when we visited) I said. it sounds like the money we gave you is going towards something special’ . She replied ‘yes’ but still no thanks! When I send something in the post I worry that it might not arrive (we all know of parcels getting lost in the post) so I asked my son if his wife had received something in the post for her birthday . Yes, she had. Still no thanks from her. I can’t stop sending her gifts but I get SO cross!

i think you should divide off what your aunt and sister do from what you do and if YOU are going to stop gifting then I think you should tell the children and not your son. I don't think you should be discussing what your aunt and sister intend to do.

I am happy with a spontaneous, "Thanks, Nan," when I give the kids their presents. I don't need (or want) thank you letters when they have been forced to write them; I don't think that is really a genuine expression of gratitude.
My daughter has very fixed ideas of what I can buy her children and I cooperate but one year, I bought my grandaughter a present I knew she would love. My heart soared when she rushed up, threw her arms around me and thanked me for the best present in the whole wide world. That was more than enough for me.

It's just so rude and ignorant. I don't even get an acknowledgment that things have been received. So bad.

Can someone please tell me what GD etc means. The whole capital letter situation is confusing. Thank you. Also if you are in the situation where kids are not sending you thank you letters or you feel they dont appreciate you, my opinion is speak to the parents. They are the ones who should be instructing their children on the value of manners.

Vintagenonna

My DH quietly saved for his grandchild on a monthly basis and built up a very respectable amount.

The idea being that it would be handed over at about the time of college/first car/planning a future/year out etc.

Come the time to move account into grandchild's name (18 and a half) they met up by arragement for the morning and, after the deed was done, proud DH suggested breakfast/coffee to celebrate the event.

Grandchild was 'too busy'. Coffee, then? 'Too busy'. Contact since - one short whatsapp at Xmas.

He held it together with dignity.

truly shocking...

Hetty58

I remember being made to sit down and write thank you cards and letters. I really hated it! Therefore, I only encouraged mine to say thanks when they next saw the giver. I certainly don't expect thanks from my GC - but sometimes they'll send a text.

If you want to give presents or money - then do. If you don't want to (or can't afford to) don't. You surely don't need any excuse to stop (including the issue of not getting thank yous.)

Hetty, relatives and GPs who send moeny or presents may live a long way away- so waiting until they next see them to say thank you, is just not appropriate, imho.

It's good for children to learn that being polite and say thank you, is an important social 'skill'. I am glad my ACs have taught this to my ACs, honestly.

My DH quietly saved for his grandchild on a monthly basis and built up a very respectable amount.

The idea being that it would be handed over at about the time of college/first car/planning a future/year out etc.

Come the time to move account into grandchild's name (18 and a half) they met up by arragement for the morning and, after the deed was done, proud DH suggested breakfast/coffee to celebrate the event.

Grandchild was 'too busy'. Coffee, then? 'Too busy'. Contact since - one short whatsapp at Xmas.

He held it together with dignity.

I remember being made to sit down and write thank you cards and letters. I really hated it! Therefore, I only encouraged mine to say thanks when they next saw the giver. I certainly don't expect thanks from my GC - but sometimes they'll send a text.

If you want to give presents or money - then do. If you don't want to (or can't afford to) don't. You surely don't need any excuse to stop (including the issue of not getting thank yous.)

I think this is a really interesting question. I do remember as a child being made to say please and thank you like a parrot regardless of how I felt about a visit or a gift. We tried to make sure as young parents, that our children phoned or sent thank you letters to relatives who cared enough to send gifts but my adult children now do it so much better.
One of my daughters leads by positive example and no matter how small the token gift is, we get a photo of them enjoying it via WhatsApp - it might be a cake I've baked, some bread maybe. Her children (early teens) follow her lead and send appreciative messages for things I've found for them that I think they might like. It keeps dialogue between the generations open in an easy way.
I wonder how many of us think about thanking our grandchildren in an appropriate and relevant way for the time they give us?

A nephew’s children, now teens, have always sent a short thank you note (by post). A niece’s older two never have. But they’re 20s now and I don’t send presents any more.

I remember mum telling me if I’d didn’t thank people, one auntie in particular, then they wouldn’t give me anything again. In those days, however, you only got presents at Christmas and birthdays, so you had every incentive to respond, which was by written letter.

I agree it is nice to be thanked and when you aren’t you do wonder if you want to bother again.

Yes they do say thank you. We send them money for BDs, and they will send a What'sUp or say thank you on Face Time when we next speak. They do because they have been taught to do so- and will be reminded by ACs if they happen to forget.

Seems there are a lot of ungrateful young people about and I have to say I hear the same from many friends.

I have 4 nieces on two sides both with own children. I sent them generous money gifts and knitted clothes when their kids were born. I paid for a fantastic cake to be made for a joint christening. One side I never got any thanks and I said as much to their Mum who just said they are SO busy. I said how long does it take to send a ❤️ text? That would do for me. The other side I see more often and I usually have to ask and then they say “oh yeah, they were lovely.”

So by the time the kids first birthdays came round I had decided I wasn’t going to start doing birthday presents. I just send a card. The kids are now 14, 2 x 12, 11 and 8 and then 2 x 7 year olds. I don’t send Christmas gifts either because all of them get so much which is sold a few months later at car boot sales.

I agree Smileless2012

Thankfully my grandchildren are very bribable.
They know that no thank yous means no money 😄
We do joke about it.

Mrs Ken, as it is your Aunt and sister who are ceasing buying presents due to absence of gratitude from your GD's I would certainly not explain any reasons for their action to anyone - not your place.
If the GD's have issue with receiving nothing from Auntie and Great Auntie then that's tough - they might learn from it, they might not.
Don't get involved and if your DS asks you why, direct him to the Aunts and let them sort it out between them.

I don't think that wanting to be thanked for a gift is one with strings attached, or that gifts can be viewed as passive aggressive messages.

Good manners can take us far in life, bad manners or none at all not so much.

Yes, it is polite to say thank you

If I give a present, it is without strings attached, thank you or not.

Could those presents be also passive aggressive messages?

Only if son asks why it stopped, tell him why

Thanks everyone. And yes it is not my place to tell my DS. We did bring him up to say thank you, have good table manners etc. But this does not seem to have been passed on. I wonder why?

Of course they should say " thankyou"!! My GC have been guilty at times but more often than not we receive a thankyou message. I am not interested in modern social behaviour- showing appreciation is basic good manners!!!

If your son has not taught them good manners then I doubt he would thank you for pointing it out.

It doesn’t really bother me, some teens in our family send thank-you texts, but some do not, I shall still send gifts.

I used to send £20 to my nephew and niece,never got a thank you even from the parents.
After 2 years of nothing i stopped sending anything.