Neighbour.

She sounds just like my mother - who would make complicated arrangements involving others (often without even asking them) and somehow 'own' them, becoming really nasty when anything was changed or anyone objected.

I'd try to comply but often had a migraine with the stress of it all. Of course, I was accused of deliberately having migraines!

I had a blocked drain today. Caused by a fat berg at the house four doors up inhabited by someone who will not answer her door and will only communicate by text. Her landlord has asked us to liase with her but we’ve said it’s his responsibility to make sure his tenants don’t block the drains. My poor neighbour was celebrating her 85 th birthday today and the morning was taken up with sorting the drain out ( her drain cover is actually in her utility room and was in danger of overflowing). Severn Trent said they couldn’t send anyone out till tomorrow….thankfully another neighbour managed to unblock it…every inhabitant of that house blocks the drains! Thankfully most of my neighbours are great, which is ne reason why I’m loathe to downsize….

What a shame! That her behaviour has turned so.
I will bet 10 years ago she was a delightful companion and now this
You must protect yourself, and DH.
At least you have good reason to avoid her.

People tend not to mellow with age is my experience!

I think your husband is wise in suggesting you both now keep your distance from her. She certainly sounds as if she has a behavioural problem developing, be that dementia or something else. Leave her to her family, if she has any - you owe her nothing, really, though I do appreciate how upsetting you must find the turn of events considering that you had got on relatively well in the past. Leave her be now though, is my advice.

crazyH

biglouis - you are one bolshy lady ! I gather you are one of the youngest here - you have youth on your side - you will mellow with age 😂

Not necessarily, as obviously the one described in the OP has become worse with age, not more mellow.

Our neighbours are (mostly) great.

I do hope I don't start behaving oddly towards them 😲
If so, I hope they are kind but let my relatives know.

biglouis - you are one bolshy lady ! I gather you are one of the youngest here - you have youth on your side - you will mellow with age 😂

I tried when we moved to be friendly with our neighbour.She was scathing and aggressive the first time we met. DH said round one to .... She has a hedge around her garden like Sleeping Beauty. We have been told in no uncertain terms the wall between us is hers. So I keep out of her way. If she accosts you again verbally like she has ,tell her to stop or you will report her for verbal harassment.
I no longer make excuses for her rude behaviour others try to bring it up and I make no comment.

Does she have any family visitors? It sounds as if she needs some help, possibly a dementia diagnosis as mentioned.
You might not want to be involved in all that entails…

Good advice on here as usual. Your husband was very wise to not take her out somewhere without you. She could have alleged all sorts of things and it would be his word against hers. She sounds a bit delusional so the advice to keep your distance is right, she also sounds very aggressive and that can often lead to unpleasant and possibly dangerous situations. Wave from a distance but don't engage from now on !!

A nasty time for you; however, remember that you have always done the right thing by her, not listened to others, and decided to brush aside her unpleasant ways. This incident is too much, and in your shoes I would certainly withdraw completely. A polite greeting when you see her would be all that is needed now.

Im definitely not a people pleaser. I think you have had a lucky escape oasthouse. Maybe she is developing dementia, as it’s not normal to tell someone that they are unwelcome to come along with their own husband, bonkers! Sorry this happened to you! I would hope she has family that can help her in some way she does sound iLL tjough

The best (and quietest) neighbours are in the churchyard with a headstone!

Speechless biglouis

Biglouis, you're a ballsy lady and i admire you. I am a people pleaser and it irritates me that I do it.

I don't think it is a minor incident - reacting like that can scare people

Can you imagine it is witnessed by kids?

It seems to have been a blessing in disguise Oasthouse!

Glad to say I have never been a "people pleaser" and consider a good neighbour is one you find under stones in the churchyard. My NDN was a whining b***h who bullied her husband something awful. That never worked on me and I wish I had a £10 for all the times I told her to go forth and multiply, walked off or never opened the door to her. She knew I hated her.

About 3 years ago I noticed the unmistakable signs of dementia. Her husband shielded her from a lot but the poor devil died of a heart attack 2 years ago. Now she is sinking Her adult children visit her about every 2/3 week and want her to sell the house from under her.

If I were a believer I would guess someone "up there" is punishing her.

I have long suspected that she has a soft spot for him and simply tolerates me which is partly why I feel so foolish.
It's been good to talk as it feels like a weight has lifted and maybe there's a funny side to it as well.
My husband is delighted at the prospect of going out for Christmas dinner without her this year but not so chuffed that 80 year old ladies are finding him irresistibly!

Don't upset yourself about it. Be content with knowing that whatever her character, you have been friendly and courteous to her.

However, you do need to protect yourself from such stressful situations so as others hav advised I would keep your distance.

It could be that her character is becoming more visible as she grows older - and you probably don't want to be drawn in to becoming "needed" by her.

Oasthouse

She asked my husband to take her somewhere, bearing in mind she does actually drive herself. He agreed but then came to me and asked me to come too as he didn't want to go alone. Politely a few days before the event I mentioned to her that I was coming along as well. She agreed and then it seems she went home and spent a few days working herself up about it. One of the things she accused me of was inviting myself along and my presence was not required.....

That doesn't sound like normal behaviour at all so perhaps, as others have said, she is developing some kind of dementia. It was a very odd reaction and you were right to suggest going with your DH, you never know what accusations she might have made if she is not behaving rationally.

Well, he won't be offering again! She's shot herself in the foot there.

But be aware in case her behaviour becomes more bizarre. Does she have family who visit?

What an arrogant woman. She thinks she has the right to tell you you weren't invited into your own car. Keep well away and refuse any more favours.

Definitely keep your distance - your husband too. Do you think that, even though much older, she has imagined a romance with him?

Oh dear - we all have one. I had my drive jet washed the other day, and the chap asked her if he could park his van on her drive . She gave some excuse. If one of her workmen wanted to park on my drive, I would have willingly agreed, but then, I’m a people pleaser.
So now, I have taken a step back. No more asking her over for coffee. TBH, I’m the only neighbour who used to give her the
time of day. She ‘hates’(her words) her other neighbour.
It’s hard Oasthouse, especially when there’s an unnecessary confrontation.
So, just take a step back, is my advice.