Is this the end?

Ziggy62 He's only sweetness and light this morning blaming his behaviour on worries about his mother's health

But that's how controlling men keep you hooked in - they are horrible and then reel you back in! Been there myself.

Make your plans to leave. As they say on Mumsnet "Get all your ducks in a row" whilst not mentioning it to him.

So much good advice from other posters. You should act on it. If he's hit you before he will again so plan to leave as soon as you can.

Thank you for all the advice. His first wife died recently and I've often wondered did I know the full story. His relationship with his ex partner ended very badly, so again I'm beginning to wonder.
He's only sweetness and light this morning blaming his behaviour on worries about his mother's health

Seek advice, and check with a solicitor about your legal position; I think you are entitled to (up to) half the house as you are married, but your responsibility for the large loan needs clarifying.
He has abused you both verbally and physically more than once; accept the situation isn't going to improve and you will increasingly be walking on eggshells.

Do you have any knowledge of the first wife? A friend discovered, when she was in a similar position to you, that she was not the second wife, as she thought, but the third. The second wife had died from cancer, in the process of divorcing him and the all property had passed to the children; the first wife had been abused, and provided a great deal of useful information to help my friend.

Get in touch with your local council and say that you are in danger of being made homeless because of this man’s unacceptable and abusive behaviour.
If it comes to a place in a refuge (and they are often out of your area) then seriously consider taking up the offer.

If you don’t have a job to go to and have no one else to offer you any help, this could be your best bet for extricating yourself from this nightmare situation.
A fresh start. Speak to your GP and anyone at any organisation (including the police) who will sign post any possible support available.
Don’t feel sorry for this man, he is “gaslighting” you so do it and don’t waste a moment more of your time and energy on him.
Do let us know how you get on and best wishes, stay strong 💪

Sound advice Ziggy, this situation will not improve. You must get out somehow!

Get in touch with Women’s Aid as soon as you can. It’s not going to be easy but it will be better than waiting for the next outburst. Life is too short sort yourself out and don’t look back.

Agree - contact Women's Aid or Refuge for some advice/guidance. He sounds very volatile.

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Agree with all that has been said.

See a solicitor for information on how you stand legally and financially too.

Agree with all replies. Wellbeing is right. And do the money bit now. Do not tell him.
Look after yourself. You can do this and you will be happier. I know from experience.

I agree with the replies so far!!
Definitely get help and absolutely do the bank bit!
He needs help but if you stay as you are he's never going to accept that fact. Put yourself and your wellbeing first!!!
And good luck.

you need to find out how you stand.
see a solicitor.
i presume you don't have a joint bank account.
if you do, i suggest you open one in your name only and move half the balance into it.
do not tell him you want to leave.
information is power.

I agree. At least get some support from them.
Talk things through properly.

Thinking of you.
You aren't alone in this - though I know it feels like you are.

Please reach out to refuge

Starting over again will be hard but don't wait until he shows his darker side again.

Please know your own worth