Out with friend do I go?

That should have said without

My hubby also left after 24yrs well he couldn’t keep his trousers up lol but I’m now on my own and I enjoy my own company unless it’s to go to shows etc. I also have friends married and I also don’t bother with them because you don’t want to intude on ppl. You don’t want them saying oh here she comes again don’t she have a life etc i said this to one of my friends and she said never but maybe that’s how she looks at it. I’d tell her to stop buying expensive presents you her friend for her and not her gifts tell her to buy you a nice box of biscuits. But how you wrote your post she sounds lonely and feels you won’t be her friend if you didn’t get expensive gifts. Sounds like she is buying your friendship. My friends always have one day every two weeks to go shopping or cinema etc for just us married living together or single no men allowed lol

ruthiek, that anxiety is limiting your activities and making your life miserable. Go to your GP and ask for help.

A friend always seems to 'talk herself out of' anything like an outing or trip - just in case she panics or doesn't enjoy it. She ruminates and overthinks every possible hazard/event that may occur and threaten her safety.

I just don't think like that at all. I only ask myself 'What else would I be doing on Thursday between 4 pm and 10 pm? Then I go and I enjoy myself.

You would be better in the long run if you managed this anxiety as you say you would like to go to these shows. Why not use a taxi or have your husband accompany you and go to something different in London and then return together. Once you give up doing things with other people your social anxiety will may get worse. It would also be a good idea, as others have said, to find a counsellor to help you through this difficulty. do you have a relaxation CD you could play to yourself as you travel or an MPe?

MP3 player

Thank you all for your lovely replies . I have been on Prozac for many years and with my doctor had been reducing them , I think this has added to the anxiety problem, it doesn’t help that now I don’t feel very comfortable with my friend as she doesn’t chat much , please don’t think I am horrible I have worked hard for many years to be her friend even when others say she is hard work

Is there a way to reach the venue without the underground? Or go in early when it's quiet and kill some time? Why can't your husband come too? If she has the other ticket, it isn't really your present is it- is it expensive to buy him a ticket too?

Sadly some friendships are not made to last, I'm going through this now, after almost 20 years of a best friend...Good luck.

Be honest, tell her she is so kind and how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness but. explain the situation, she will understand and perhaps arrange something more suited to you

It’s a tricky one. As she has bought the tickets, which are hugely expensive in London, you really should let her know in plenty of time if you are going to cancel, so she might be able to sell them on, or find someone else to go with her.

I normally hate being let down like that, but as she seems to have bought the tickets without asking you, it’s rather different. It’s quite manipulative to do that when she knows you suffer from anxiety. I think you need to be honest with her and ask not to try to make you go to London, but maybe meet somewhere more local instead.

If there was really no discussion at all about this show and buying tickets, then really there is no problem in you saying you can't go. It does seem odd behaviour with a friend. Does she think she is giving you a surprise outing? if so you must tell you can't cope with them. I know people who have hated parties families have arranged as a surprise.
If you feel you must make a huge effort and go then the taxi solution is a really good idea.

* YOU SAY* she says I am her best friend , however even though she now lives alone It is always me who reaches out to he Unless she wants me to do something!
..........................................................

well, stop reaching out to then!

If I were you then I would go to this show employing one of the options that have already been suggested.
Then tell her you can’t go to any more shows.
I can’t quite make out if you agreed to go to the show before she bought the tickets or not.
If you let her down “this time” sounds like you may have done so before? If so what was her reaction ? Do you care if this is ‘it’ if you do?

It's a bit confusing - you reach out to her, yet when she does the same it's just 'when she wants you to do something'? What does your reaching out to her involve?

To be honest, if someone kept cancelling arrangements I wouldn't see them as a friend, never mind a best friend. You say that she has bought generous tickets and you 'often' haven't gone - what is she getting out of this friendship? Does she know about your anxiety? Why does she keep spending money on tickets if so?

If you want to stay friends (and remember that relying on your husband for everything can be risky) why not have a talk with her and explain what would be within your comfort zone, so she doesn't get her hopes up about going somewhere only to have them dashed and find that she's wasted her money again?

I'd not go, telling her I was anxious.

Thank you Norah I wish I was brave as all these ladies x

Honestly, I think it comes down to having a conversation, so you both know where you stand, and can decide from there whether the friendship has a life or not.

I think you do need to address your anxiety. What happens if you are left alone. I did everything with my husband but he died young. I was fortunate in that my friends were there for me. I still do not like big groups of people, but I do put myself out of my comfort zone sometimes. Pay for a taxi. Even ask your husband to pick you up after the event, so your justvtravelling one way.. Talk to your friend tell her about how you feel and if she would ask first before booking these surprises, I would go to the next one though, I wouldn’t disappoint her, despite the difficulties. Maybe she is lonely and obviously cares for you,

Hi ruthiek ,

This friend sounds very nice and generous to you .
I would treasure her friendship .

If you are nervous about going out please get some help now - don't leave it .

I have a friend , who has full blown agoraphobia .

As a result , she's stuck indoors unless a member of her family escorts her from door to door in their car .
I'm her only friend .

Booking tickets without consultation can be kind if you know the recipient will want to go, but it can be very controlling if not.

Someone once bought me a ticket for the Edinburgh tattoo as a 'treat'. She had the other ticket, and wanted to go. I hate that sort of thing, so felt quite manipulated, and I had to fork out for transport and accommodation too.

Thank you all so much for your ideas and thoughts , i am in anxiety pills and will explore cbt as suggested

So….. did you go?