Husband retired, I still work. My husband is driving me crazy!

Just realised this is an old post. Wonder if things have stayed the same

I think DH needs a girlfriend.

I do get it. Would it be worth your while to rent some office space just so you could be left alone to work?

Keep working I’d say OP. Does he have a brother he talks to? Or another man a friend maybe?

Has he seen his GP recently? Could he be depressed, doing nothing all day?

Is the OP still looking for answers. I like to think she has sorted out her problems.
She posted this in September 2023

Ali08

Could your husband not find work in the volunteer section? Maybe in a charity/thrift shop? Taking people's dogs for walks while they're at work? Anything like that, so he isn't stuck indoors all day!

There are quite a few retired men at the supermarket, some man the checkouts most do the delivery to customers a couple of days a week. My wife works 3 days usually, loves it. I’m happy at home, gardening, DIY and hobbies, we have lots of days out and travel whenever we can, I’m planning a trip to India now.

Retired huh!

I hear you lady! I’m feeling exactly the same. I retired at the same time as my husband but he’s driving me crazy in the house all day! I have lots of friends & activities but my husband doesn’t have another life & has interfered with my freedom, the smooth running of our home. It’s like having the teenage kids back. I’m constantly clearing up around him (or I’d have to live in chaos). He’s boring, needy & argumentative. He’s been facilitated & encouraged to have hobbies, and engage with others but I see that he’s been spoiled over the years with me working, running our home & family & his secretaries & assistants running around after him at work. He’s not taking any initiative and expects me to be everything for him. I’ve fallen out of intimacy & we live like siblings. At 64 yrs old I dream of having my own house.

Babs, speaking as a women with a marriage of 54 years, other than bringing up children for myself I believe marriage can have it's challenges many times. The young man we love and marry in our early years is a very different person to the one we find ourself with in our later years.
My husband is a totally different person now, years of being a son husband father grandfather and friend change us.
I have many times when I am not happy with how things are and this must be the same for most couples who have been together for years.
For myself I have many interests and keep busy doing things that are of interest to me but separate from my husband who also has things that interest him.
My husband goes away yearly with his club and I have a few days away on holiday also with a friend which suits us both.
We are individuals, it is not healthy to try and control another human being or alter them, encouragement advice and suggestions are ok but you cannot alter another human being they have to make their own decisions on what they want out of life.
I know how hard it is to keep happy when things are not as you want them to be but try and keep up with your interests and hobbies. Could you suggest U3A as something your husband might try. They have a number of interest groups withing the organization which your husband might be interested in. He could also go on solo holidays, my friend goes on about four a year and really enjoys them.
All the best of luck.

The solution is a Conversation..things need to be addressed..you can not control his behaviour or actions..you can only control yours..so have that conversation and at the end of it you need to make some decisions..

Could your husband not find work in the volunteer section? Maybe in a charity/thrift shop? Taking people's dogs for walks while they're at work? Anything like that, so he isn't stuck indoors all day!

Mitzigem Oh, this was a good answer! 😆

I think I feel sorry for your husband. I think he needs to find himself a companion. Hopefully you won’t get jealous.

Callistemon21

notgoneyet

All these comments and suggestions - yet not another word or comment from OP?

She's far too busy!

All these comments and suggestions - yet not another word or comment from OP?

Jennyluck

This is the problem for men retiring without any hobbies. I think women can always find something to do.
All of a sudden you are together 24/7, and quite often it’s just too much. And maybe you don’t like each other that much anymore. It’s a hard time to navigate.
I find it frustrating that I hardly ever get the house to myself.

All of a sudden you are together 24/7, and quite often it’s just too much
I find it frustrating that I hardly ever get the house to myself

It sounds as if you don't have any hobbies that take you out of the house either , Jennyluck

Why not join U3A or other groups?

This is the problem for men retiring without any hobbies. I think women can always find something to do.
All of a sudden you are together 24/7, and quite often it’s just too much. And maybe you don’t like each other that much anymore. It’s a hard time to navigate.
I find it frustrating that I hardly ever get the house to myself.

I am surprised that someone who had worked for thirty years suddenly discovered at the age of 56 that she was an amazing business woman. I sense an air of desperation in her post and feel she is having to work harder and do more to keep her place, which is why she resents her husband's presence in his own home, so much.
She would do better to work in a separate office, working as many hours as she needs. The husband will be on his own but won't distract her and may be perfectly happy pottering, which she resents, or find activities he enjoys.
She needs to maintain a clear divide between work and home.

Well babs75, what a conundrum! If you're 66 and doing well as a data analyst, good for you. I had 30+ years in IT, stopped in the early 60s, and by 66 I'd have been nodding off at the desk?!

And well done for keeping active! Many forums and articles have said that's exactly what people need to do, keep brain and body as active as possible, else they soon fall into disuse and sadly disrepair!

Sounds like you're somewhere near San Fran, and I have no idea what your hubby could be doing over there to keep occupied. You say "his pension does not allow him to do any construction, I asked him to do volunteer work but he doesn't want to do that" - well, I don't understand the 'pension' point, and if he doesn't want to be bored, I don't follow the 2nd point either?!

Could he set up as an 'odd job man'? I know a couple of guys here do such things, as huge numbers of folk - often sadly widows whose hubby didn't make it to this sort of age -- need someone to do routine little jobs and repairs round the home. He doesn't have to do a long day, and should get some satisfaction from helping those in need, plus he can pick and choose his days and hours. OR - was he ever any good at sports? If so, help out with young people?

I found volunteerinfo.org and www.volunteermatch.org/search (if you're NOT Bay Area, then look for similar?) which have LOADS of things to do!

Do you even love him anymore?

It's pretty obvious what he needs to do but the fact of life is you cannot change another human being to fit in with what your requirements are.
From courtship and over the years, working, having children and grandchildren. Fitting in a bit of me time and couple time pushed in.
In this time that young man we fell in love with changes and you change. We become different people.
The relationship evolves over the many years and at some point you think this person is driving me mad.
My husband and I are retired, I encourage him to do the things that interest him I do the things that interest me. We rub along, what is the alternative.

That's the ideal though - a balance. The OP's life and marriage seem to be out of balance. Both are unhappy as a result.

You seem to have achieved an amicable balance, Dinahmo, unlike the OP.

Reading through the posts from the many who think she should be giving up work I'm wondering what you expect her to do if she retires now. No doubt sit and twiddle her thumbs whilst her OH thinks of something he'd like to do.

I'm 76 and still working, doing something that I enjoy. My DH retired when we moved to France when he was 60, knowing that I would continue for as long as I could. He does the garden and most of the housework and at least half of the cooking. Unfortunately our pensions are insufficient for me not to work as I have no wish to lead a hand to mouth existence.