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Angry at Friend

(57 Posts)
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Harris27 Thu 12-Oct-23 18:46:37

Agree marydoll.

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Oldnproud Thu 12-Oct-23 18:43:49

I imagine that you asked, Polar, in hope that the reason would be something that you could either apologise for or put right in some other way. I think that many of us (if we were brave enough, which I'm not sure i would have been) would have asked the same question, as there could have been no other way to get your friendship back on track.

Given her reasons, I'm not surprised that you are upset. On the face of it, your so-called friend's reasons sound quite ridiculous, and I am not surprised that you no longer feel you can be friends with her.

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Marydoll Thu 12-Oct-23 18:34:04

Sometimes friendships run their course and it is better to just step away, despite how hurtful it is.

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Polar22 Thu 12-Oct-23 18:32:10

But…. I’ve just thought. She said she really didn’t want to lose me as a friend????? She was upset I was angry??? But - I agree I shouldn’t have asked. A failing I have. I think I’m angry at the assumption that I was ‘copying’. I’ve had bad experiences when people assume what I think or feel without actually asking me. I think this really pushed those old buttons.

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Polar22 Thu 12-Oct-23 18:29:51

Thanks. Very true. Much appreciated x

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Theexwife Thu 12-Oct-23 18:17:00

I feel for you it must be so hurtful that you have had to listen to her reasons, however, you did ask.

I phased someone out of my life after years of being friends, I just didn’t like her company anymore, I guess people can change over time and there were people I preferred to be with. I am glad she accepted the drifting and didn’t ask as if I had listed the small irritating things it would have been hurtful.

I am sure that if you thought about it or were asked what you didn’t like about her you could come up with a list, if someone drifts don't ask why.

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Polar22 Thu 12-Oct-23 17:11:12

Hi Been a while since I've posted but feel the need to share. I've known my friend for 20 years. She's very independent, good fun and although we've lost touch a few times have always reconnected. This time we stayed in touch and have been on hol together and had lots of chats, coffees, lunches etc. We've been constantly in touch now for about 6 years.
However, this year I've noticed her distancing herself. I had no idea why so after a few messages asking to meet up, but being batted off, I stopped asking. I still kept in touch but was confused and a bit hurt. Time has rolled on and I've seen her only maybe twice this year.
Today however she contacted me to say it was a lovely morning. I agreed. She then proceeded to list all the things she'd been doing, with who and where. I admit I was hurt so I asked - gently - why I'd been sidelined? What had I done?
I got a long message back saying she was 'freaked out' because I was 'copying her'. I had short hair (have had for years). I had the same hairdresser (have had for 3 years - shes great). I asked her to go to London to see a show (she only did that with another friend so was upset I'd asked). I did a DNA test (I did but only because after she told me about it I was curious to do my own as I have a half sister somewhere and thought I might find something). Oh and it was patronising when I liked the same music as her. She said she 'could go on'! I was gobsmacked. She's not perfect but I let her little glitches go as we are/were close friends. Nobody is perfect. I'm furious tbf. How dare she! I've told her we can't be friends anymore as I'd be double checking myself all the time to see if I'm 'copying' her.
Would welcome any thoughts. It feels very weird right now to think someone thinks that about me. We're not 6 anymore!!

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