Angry at Friend

I feel for you it must be so hurtful that you have had to listen to her reasons, however, you did ask.

I phased someone out of my life after years of being friends, I just didn’t like her company anymore, I guess people can change over time and there were people I preferred to be with. I am glad she accepted the drifting and didn’t ask as if I had listed the small irritating things it would have been hurtful.

I am sure that if you thought about it or were asked what you didn’t like about her you could come up with a list, if someone drifts don't ask why.

Thanks. Very true. Much appreciated x

But…. I’ve just thought. She said she really didn’t want to lose me as a friend????? She was upset I was angry??? But - I agree I shouldn’t have asked. A failing I have. I think I’m angry at the assumption that I was ‘copying’. I’ve had bad experiences when people assume what I think or feel without actually asking me. I think this really pushed those old buttons.

Sometimes friendships run their course and it is better to just step away, despite how hurtful it is.

I imagine that you asked, Polar, in hope that the reason would be something that you could either apologise for or put right in some other way. I think that many of us (if we were brave enough, which I'm not sure i would have been) would have asked the same question, as there could have been no other way to get your friendship back on track.

Given her reasons, I'm not surprised that you are upset. On the face of it, your so-called friend's reasons sound quite ridiculous, and I am not surprised that you no longer feel you can be friends with her.

Agree marydoll.

She sounds a bit "precious" to me, and if I were you I'd feel like saying, "Oh get over yourself" to her.
Some people are just too much like hard work 😕

Blimey! What a cow! What kind of 'friend' would roll off such a petty list? Even very few people who weren't a friend would say stuff like that. Quite extraordinary!

All the best moving on from this, Polar, and making new and proper friends who value you for who you are and don't feel threatened by such trivialities

Thanks all. Much appreciated. She is precious definitely, but I accepted that as part of who she was. I though do seem to attract people who think I can be trodden on. Maybe that used to be true but in the last couple of years I’ve found a stronger me. I’m not putting up with rubbish like this anymore. It’s not what a real friend would or should do. Feeling better now. I accept that sometimes things don’t have an explanation.

Harris27

Agree marydoll.

I've been there. I realised that I was no longer any use to my friend of twenty five years.
I told her I was in hospital and never heard a word back, yet when she was in hospital, I did my best to support her.
It did hurt, but I decided to let the friendship go and felt better for it.

You haven't moved have you?
I've found since I moved I have lost a lot of friends. It's as if I should have stayed and weathered the storm of getting older together.
I now concentrate on the ones who have kept the distance friendships up and forget the rest but it is upsetting. I often wonder what I did wrong.
Just make sure you don't make your hair appointment for the same day.

Polar22

Thanks all. Much appreciated. She is precious definitely, but I accepted that as part of who she was. I though do seem to attract people who think I can be trodden on. Maybe that used to be true but in the last couple of years I’ve found a stronger me. I’m not putting up with rubbish like this anymore. It’s not what a real friend would or should do. Feeling better now. I accept that sometimes things don’t have an explanation.

I think you have found your own answer there! She is kicking out at your new found assertiveness and possibly enjoyed being the bossy one in your friendship

Bella23

You haven't moved have you?
I've found since I moved I have lost a lot of friends. It's as if I should have stayed and weathered the storm of getting older together.
I now concentrate on the ones who have kept the distance friendships up and forget the rest but it is upsetting. I often wonder what I did wrong.
Just make sure you don't make your hair appointment for the same day.

I did think that 😂. Thanks that made me laugh. X

jenpax

Polar22

Thanks all. Much appreciated. She is precious definitely, but I accepted that as part of who she was. I though do seem to attract people who think I can be trodden on. Maybe that used to be true but in the last couple of years I’ve found a stronger me. I’m not putting up with rubbish like this anymore. It’s not what a real friend would or should do. Feeling better now. I accept that sometimes things don’t have an explanation.

I think you have found your own answer there! She is kicking out at your new found assertiveness and possibly enjoyed being the bossy one in your friendship

True. thanks. X

* you told her you can't be friends anymore*

you should not have told her that, you should not have uttered a further word to her, just hung up and never pick up or ring her ever again......
.

I agree with Baggs!

2 of my friends have been very distant since before the summer. My son told me S had lost her licence so I rang her this morning and was surprised when she drove round. She spent the whole time complaining about everything that had gone wrong in her life and when I mentioned the licence it turned out she had lost the photo ID!
The second friend, I phoned her and like the previous time she said she was rushing out but would phone back after lunch. She didn't.
I wonder if it's possible to find new friends as we get older.

She's very independent

I can sort of see both sides.
I think she likes to be individual.
She thinks you have been copying her. And you have listed a few things that are the same.

Unfortunately
I’ve had bad experiences when people assume what I think or feel without actually asking me. I think this really pushed those old buttons.
So that hasnt helped you.

You and her have been friends for years, off and on.
I think this may be something you can both get over. If you both want to.

It seems a bit arrogant and superficial of her to accuse you of copying her. Friends do influence each other, there’s nothing wrong with that, so I hope you won’t take it to heart - it really seems a very immature thing to say, and she knows you well enough to know it might upset you.

It sounds as though she had to find something critical to say as an excuse for her not keeping in touch.

kircubbin2000 I also wonder if it is possible to find new friends as we get older.

I know a lot of acquaintances, but only a couple of friends and I seem to be the one who always fits in with their plans.

I believe as you get older your world gets smaller and it is hard to fit into new groups.

Sometimes friendships just run out for whatever reason and you move on.
I'd known my friend for some years and we occasionally went away together with no problems.
She did have some strange ideas though regarding some people e.g. thought her DIL who she disliked had a nerve leaving the children with their father while she went running in the mornings.
She even told her son and wife what a terrible name they had chosen for their daughter and it would prevent her getting job interviews in later life.
I've never heard such nonsense and told her it's got nothing to do with you if your son is happy to have the children and they can call their daughter by whatever name they like it's not up to you.
What happened to my friendship was we were traveling home from a holiday and stopped to eat at a restaurant.
After we had finished eating a young member of staff came round and said to her is there anything else I can do for you darling.
She stood up and shouted at the girl don't call me darling, I'm not your darling.
I felt so bad for the girl she was mortified, all the people nearby stopped eating and looked round.
She was so incredible rude to this women I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I haven't spoken to her since.

Life’s too short to be hurt by people who are supposed to be your friends, tell her to grow up and end the friendship, sounds harsh but like I said, life is too short x

I had a close friend for 35 years. When covid hit she understandably didn't want to meet up but we texted daily. Since then she has batted away every invitation to meet up. We got as far as arranging to meet for lunch but she cancelled saying she was unwell. I dont understand what I've done. It hurts a lot to be honest.

Don't "they" say 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'?