Daughters in law

I cannot understand why there is often enmity between mothers and daughters in law. Surely a mother only wants her son to be happy? And, being the one with more life experience, would she not lead the way?

It depends on the personalities, behaviours and "issues" or otherwise of both parties Silvercollie! If either party for whatever reason don't want a relationship or are very insecure for whatever reason then it is well nigh impossible!

I've had two MILs and i got on great with both of them. Unfortunately, neither are with us any more.

On the other hand wife no1 didn't get on with my Mum. M7m thought she was too young, but we were married for 14 years.

Wife 2, otherwise known as Beloved, got on great with her, and the two mums got on great as well.

We lived 4 doors from each other when we were kids and I think both mums had us married of from me being 6/7. We ere marri3d a couple of years before mum succumbed to dementia and she seemed quite pleased.

I think that I have the best DiL ever! We get on well she is always there if needed & I try to be the same for her & my Grandkids! After helping me this weekend when I had a very bad flare of Rheumatoid Arthritis she proved again how wonderful she is but still cannot understand why we all love her so much!

My MiL is staying with us now on a little visit. She comes 3 or 4 times a year and we always try to make it special for her. I love her to bits and treasure time with her. She is 90 and sharp as a needle mentally, a little wobbly when she walks and that’s it. My DiL is a beautiful soul and makes my darling son happy.

My MIL disliked me even before she met me. To her I was a rich stuck up Southern who spoke posh despite coming from a family eligible for free school dinners etc and an area of high unemployment and poverty in the SE. Yes it does exist!. When she came to visit ( we lived 200 miles away) she made my life miserable. I would walk into a room and all conversation would stop. She criticised the food I served and actually went and bought back fish and chips once rather than eat what was cooking. On showing her around the area of outstanding natural beauty close to where we live she wanted to know where the council estates were. Actually there are 2 within 30mins walking from our house but I dont consider them tourist sites! I've therefore tried very hard to get on with my DIL and love her dearly. She might not love me quite as much but hopefully I dont make her life miserable as my MIL did for me. She is a fantastic Mum and my DS loves hes dearly which is all that really matters.

It doesn’t have to be a competition, does it? I married a very treasured only but recognised that as we both loved him we could get along well, which we did. She wisely had decided she would love who ever her darling boy chose to marry, I decided that she could be an ally - which she was.

I love my exDiL and current DiL and am glad to see my rather difficult son in a very good marriage. My SiL is usually on my side and makes me laugh as well as being a quietly practical help, so all in all I have been lucky.

My MIL didn’t think I was at all suitable as I was so young, I found out later that she had had a hard life before meeting DH’s father and was actually a step mother. I didn’t know this for quite a long time DHs mother had died when he was 2 and he was never told officially by anybody only coming to the truth after they had died. My MIL has been gone over 45 years now.
My DDs get on well with their MILs but do live long distances from them. I love my DIL who comes from abroad, she is very tolerant with me and after a slightly difficult, cultural differences, start we rub along ok I reckon.

My MIL lived in Ireland so we saw each other about once a year. We got on ok.
My Dh loved my mum and she him. They got on well.
I have two D’s IL. and love them both. Im sure they reciprocate their love for me. Never a cross word or difficult situation with either of them.
My two sons both get on well with their Mothers in law.
So all good here.

I've been married once (divorced now) and although we lived quite a distance away, the relationship was cordial.
However I parted from my ex' during pregnancy and I think if we'd stayed together, there would have been conflict over the child as I didn't like or agree with her thoughts on how children should be treated / brought up and she was very vocal about her feelings.
I can still recall staying over and her daughter was there with their child, we'd had some lunch and the little one had obviously eaten enough...her Grandmother insisted that she remain seated until she finished what was on her plate and refused to let the child move.
The atmosphere was very uncomfortable and I remember thinking that she wouldn't treat my child like that

I always try very hard to be a supportive MIL, but that hasn't been good enough. I am not sure why DIL No 1 did not like me - maybe because I am a little eccentric and do not prioritise appearances. My son has now divorced her and I feel I have my son back as he now thinks for himself again. DIL No 2 had lots of help (and money!) but that wasn't enough, she did not seem to like my new husband and although that has improved there is a massive scar there and I never feel at ease with her or my son and only keep trying for the sake of my granddaughters, whom I adore. I have especially been very careful not to criticise, but that does not seem to work the other way! DIL No 3 is an absolute darling but very close to her own mum, so I do not see her or my son very often. I guess I haven't been very lucky. I honestly do not think it's me, but then perspectives differ. I have learnt (through the awful emotional pain of being separated from my granddaughters for over a year) to look for fulfilment elsewhere. I want to protect my heart from being broken again - loving children that are not your own gives away your emotional safety, so I am just keeping a little distance, although I shall always adore those two girls. I hope as they get older they may want a special relationship with me. Who knows!

My first set of in-laws completely disapproved of me which would have been difficult were it not that their son and I moved to New Zealand and on our return, were divorced. He decided to disapprove of me too! A whole story in itself. My second mother in law was lovely and certainly had my back. Bless her.
That marriage failed too and her son never bothered to tell me of her passing. Miserable person.
My own two are wonderful wives to my elder sons and I love them both dearly.
I cannot understand why there is often enmity between mothers and daughters in law. Surely a mother only wants her son to be happy? And, being the one with more life experience, would she not lead the way?

Loved my MIL and miss her very much.

57VRS have you tried calling your son and daughter-in-law's bluff and accepting their alternative offer, even if it means meeting up with them without your husband?

At least you could see your son and granddaughters then and maintain that relationship, which would stand you in good stead as they get older and more independent.

I have three wonderful daughters-in-law, they get on well with each other and my daughter and we often go for spa days, lunch, shopping trips etc.

The other is not married to our son, and we do not get on at all.

I love my mother in law very much but in the early days I found her to be very nosy ( she just HAD to know everything we were doing all the time!)and she was always so perfect in everything she did . She is very kind hearted though and we have settled into a good relationship.
I also absolutely adore my SIL, he’s more like another son. He’s VERY hardworking and very kind and caring and a great dad.
My DIL however is another story. She has totally alienated us from our son and gds. Her parents live not far from them and their lives are all entwined with them. We don’t get a look in at Christmas or gc’s birthdays. If i contact my son re a get together he always stalls so he can discuss it with her( and quite right) but he generally comes back ( much later) with an excuse or acounter offer of dates/ times. This is then awkward be ause my oh works 24/7 shifts and always has so they know this.
This situation makes me very sad but i also know alot of the fault lies with my son. He obviously just wants an easy life.

I never had a mother in law but I have three daughters who do. 2 get on well with on laws and one has a nightmare of an mother in law who even contacted me via Facebook to complain about my daughter! I blocked her! I hope I am a good mother in law but who knows.

I never really knew my MIL. She lived at the other end of the country. Neither of them drove. When we visited we would stay nearby as they couldn’t put us up. When they came to see us they stayed at a local pub because didn’t have room then either. I don’t think over the years I had an in depth conversation with her (or my FIL). OH had been brought up in very difficult circumstances but passed his 11+, went to Grammar School and then Oxford. FIL died while I was expecting my first baby and MIL a few years later.
I get on pretty well with my son’s partner and mother of my granddaughter. She is a lot older than my son and had a very interesting life living all over the world before she met him. About the only things we disagree over are our decorating ideas! She favours white or cream I like brightness and colour.

I have had 2 MILs and liked both of them. I would never have dreamed of thinking I was more important than they were in their sons' lives. After all, they were their mothers. I cannot understand anyone who tries to turn their DHs against their mothers. I have one DiL who is pleasant enough but as far as I am concerned my son is my son and that mother-son relationship is nothing to do with her. (I don't say any of this of course. I just think it.)

Due to cultural differences, I wasn’t a much liked daughter-in-law. The feeling was mutual.
My son-in-law (now Ex) was a sweet-natured boy. Unfortunately, loved golf a little bit too much. Fortunately my hard working daughter provided well for the family..
Had a couple of difficult years with my older d.i.l. Her mother did a lot of stirring. I have to add, my son didn’t help the situation either. He blamed me. Things are on an even keel now, but I find myself walking on eggshells. My younger d.i.l. is a little sweetheart, but suffers from PMT. and can be slightly moody. She is very generous (with my son’s money 😂) and is always ‘picking up a bargain’ for me, whether I want it or not.

My MiL disliked me, for the simple reason that I wasn’t Welsh. She had someone else in mind for DH and I was like a slap in the face! His very Welsh granny also disliked me for the same reason. She only ever said five words to me “Do you go to chapel?” After I said “No”, that was it😁!
My first DiL made it clear at the outset that she didn’t “do families”, and there would be no grandchildren. She held us at arms length for a long time and then stopped seeing me as a threat and started to thaw. Then, sadly she died. I often wonder what our relationship would ultimately have turned out like.
I feel sorry for my current DiL. We have very little in common but she tries hard with the ancient weirdo she is saddled with! She knows I’m beyond redemption!

I get in really well with my daughter in law and I really got on so well with my mum in law we weren’t in each others pockets though and we didn’t live very near
I sometimes think there are to many expectations

Doodledog, I'm wondering which MIL or DIL you mean. My first MIL was a total nutcase, a little ball of nerves and anxiety, on the edge of a breakdown, having just been divorced by my (then) FIL (who married her best friend shortly afterwards).

I did make an effort to tolerate her - but never liked her.

Moving on a few years (having divorced that excuse for a husband) my second MIL was a real treasure, delightfully happy and relaxed - but quite old and set in her ways. My new husband was ten years older than me and she'd had him aged 43, so was 75 when we met. She was brilliant with our two sons (in her late 70s/early 80s) and would sit on the floor and play with them for hours. Obviously, she never babysat, though, and died before the girls came along. (With women having children later in life now, I suppose future MILs will be ancient.)

Again, I've had a selection of SILs and DILs. My two current DILs are pleasant enough. I don't know them that well, so can't foresee any circumstances where there would be conflict. They trust me to babysit occasionally and we get along at family gatherings. We don't live near each other and I'm not up for regular childcare or being too involved in their lives.

As for my own mother, simple - nobody liked her!

Our DiL was quite difficult to begin with, extremely possessive of DS and refused to join in with our family. She refused to come to our 30th wedding anniversary, behaved quite badly at DD's 21st, and she tried to stop her own parents from having anything to do with us. But we invited them to tea in the garden one hot July day. By 10 pm we were still in the garden having had a lot of food and more than enough to drink, and have remained fast friends. I think the "outlaw" parents and also DS told her her fortune as she started to lighten up and has eventually become quite affectionate. She and DS are happy and have now been together for over 25 years. No children, but that's their choice, their life.

I had a wonderful MiL and we got on together from Day 1. Ditto DH and my parents.

The same with DDiL, she is a lovely woman and we are very fortunate that she agreed to marry our chaos of a son.

My dh loved my mum and she loved him.

My mil did not love me despite me always trying to keep a decent relationship with her. Always had to remind dh to invite her to us/ us to visit her as dh lazy about thEse things. She wouldn’t have seen her son and gc at all had I not.
Eventually found she had been regularly critical of me to my young teenage dds while I was in the kitchen preparing a meal fir us all, after turned our dining room into a bedroom for her, as well as picking her up and taking her home, a 4 hour drive, couldn’t believe how ungrateful she was.
I could have done no more.
No pleasing some folk.