Sister Wives - could you?

I am not really a fan of choicey choice feminism. The same argument can be levelled at prostitution, surrogacy etc. Its just that these choices always impact women and often the most vulnerable women.

Doodledog

It would be if the women had no choice, but they go into it with their eyes open and can leave whenever they like.

The religion doesn't sanction polyandry, but I'm not sure that that makes a difference. I don't agree with that inequality personally, but lots of things about religion seem to me sexist, and so long as they are optional then surely it's up to the members to decide? I'm not talking about things like FGM or forced marriage - I mean things where the women opt in, such as obeying their husbands or having lots of children because their religion forbids contraception.

It would be if the women had no choice, but they go into it with their eyes open and can leave whenever they like.

That's the point, isn't it?

It wouldn't work for me - I like the commitment and 'intimacy' of a one-to-one relationship. But, it obviously works for others - though in the case highlighted it did eventually appear to go pear-shaped. However, those women chose that type of relationship, so who am I to question it? And, it is debatable whether humans are monogamous by nature - some people think we are not. So...

Presumably, Kody wasn't 'allowed' to be unfaithful to his wives outside of the marriages?

And people have so-called "open" marriages don't they, where both partners are free to have affairs and relationships with others - though I believe there are strict 'rules' governing this type of marriage which are based on respecting the other partner's boundaries and wishes. I don't think you can just meet someone on a night out and bring them into the marital home, from what I understand about the arrangement (very little), there has to be some sort of discussion about how the new relationship is going to work and 'fit in'. There has to be a lot of honesty and openness.

Again, that wouldn't work for me, either. If I felt I couldn't commit to one man, I'd not make it a permanent relationship anyway. I don't know how well - or for how long - these types of marriages work or last. I've only heard about those that eventually fail, but whether they fail because of the open marriage or in spite of it, I've no idea.

Galaxy

Ha urmstongran more likely that I would think someone else can put in the work and I dont need to bother

Ha urmstongran more likely that I would think someone else can put in the work and I dont need to bother

It would be if the women had no choice, but they go into it with their eyes open and can leave whenever they like.

The religion doesn't sanction polyandry, but I'm not sure that that makes a difference. I don't agree with that inequality personally, but lots of things about religion seem to me sexist, and so long as they are optional then surely it's up to the members to decide? I'm not talking about things like FGM or forced marriage - I mean things where the women opt in, such as obeying their husbands or having lots of children because their religion forbids contraception.

M0nica

Unless the Moromons, or any other group are equally happy and accepting of households where one woman has several husbands, all happy in there own quarters and prepared to stay celibate unless she favours them with her body, I will see this as another form of institutianal anti-feminism.

This absolutely

Galaxy

If we are being indelicate it would be more the thought of what he had done on Monday that would put me off.

Might make you up your game though Galaxy!
🤣🤣

Polygamy is fully legal in 47 countries

pascal30

Dickens

It's a cult - closed to some extent to the outside world, where men hold the real power and thus have the ability to abuse.

Can a woman have more than one husband? No. Just another form of Patriarchy.

Not for me.

Polyandry is, and was practised in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan and parts of India..

Good!

Individuals, male or female, entering freely into any relationship which is not monogamous is fine by me as long as there is no coercion.

But IMO neither sex should dictate that the privilege is only for them.

At the risk of seeming to defend it, which I'm really not - if one man has a string of affairs and tells none of the women about the others, he is not breaking the law, but if another marries them (however much we might not see it as true marriage) and they are all aware of what's happening, then he is. Both men could father lots of children with all the women, but one lot get support from one another and the others struggle on on their own. How does that make sense?

They can leave at any time (and clearly this lot do). They are not being coerced into it, and they can make careers for themselves so are not stuck in the relationship because of lack of skills.

Dickens

It's a cult - closed to some extent to the outside world, where men hold the real power and thus have the ability to abuse.

Can a woman have more than one husband? No. Just another form of Patriarchy.

Not for me.

Polyandry is, and was practised in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan and parts of India..

Syracute

Hate to burst your bubble that this was a happy alliance. Article cites the downfall of this family.

I'm not in any sort of bubble . What makes you think that? I started with a neutral but open mind and as the series progress I am getting less keen on the idea.

I just don't think that sexual morality is the business of the state, and can't see the difference between criminalising this family and non-Mormons who have affairs, or who father children with different partners.

Hate to burst your bubble that this was a happy alliance. Article cites the downfall of this family.

www.google.ch/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi3o_7B26qCAxX4VkEAHf2RBWgQFnoECBgQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etonline.com%2Fsister-wives-the-surprising-history-and-connections-between-kody-and-his-wives-180809&usg=AOvVaw1DDhRE73qKMH93NCZJe4XN&opi=89978449

LucyAnna

Where are they living now Doodledog (where you are up to)? Las Vegas? In the cul de sac?

They are split up into different houses, some a mile or so apart. I think they are still in Las Vegas - the move from Utah happened some time ago and they were having problems finding suitable accommodation.

Katie they are sort of on the run, as the family went public about polygamy and Kody risks jail and the rest of them would be split up, possibly with the children taken into care. It doesn't really stand up though, as you can't be on the run with cameras following you and your movements being televised .

I'm up to the episode where the wives are trying to lose weight. Up to now they have got larger with each episode - I am not judgemental about body shape but it was so noticeable that I wondered if they were comfort eating or something.

Illegal?

As far as I know it’s not illegal to live with several women (or men) Marriage to more than one would be, I’m not sure but a second marriage would be void in any case.
However in Utah the whole state is run by the Mormons so they have separate laws to accommodate the religious customs, polygamy is “decriminalized”.
The father of any children will be recognized and men have to support their wives, women either buy into the lifestyle or they don’t, it’s certainly not going to suit all women.

Daddima

*Doodledog*, aren’t Mormons the same as the ‘Latter Day Saints mob’? If not, what is the difference?

Yes, it's an alternative name for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

They have an enormous records office in Salt Lake City and the intention, I think, is to gather vital records on everyone who has lived, if possible, to enable them to give us all salvation.

Very useful for doing genealogical research.

Where are they living now Doodledog (where you are up to)? Las Vegas? In the cul de sac?

I know what you mean. I wouldn't like it either - it is an adulterous marriage of sorts.

I'm just not sure what sexual morality has to do with the state - I think that's a dangerous road to go down, really.

Also - I have been confusing the Mormons and the LDS. I thought the LDS were 'Moonies' or one of the other US sects, but it appears that LDS and Mormons are the same thing.

The last programme I watched about this sort of thing was Smiley Happy People, about women having to wear long dresses in particular colours, wear their hair in specific styles and being very submissive to the men. This is not at all like that. The women all have long hair, but that appears on the surface at least to be from choice. They wear jeans or work clothes and have careers of their own.

Now that they have got entirely separate homes the cracks are definitely widening though. This really is fascinating. I am sorting out bedrooms and have it on in the background, as it's the sort of thing you can listen to rather than watch.

Doodledog

You still would be, Norah😀. They marry young too, and the women are 100% monogamous- it’s the husband who’s not, but only with the other wives.

I don’t see it as a moral issue- more of a personal one that I wouldn’t enjoy. I’m still unsure about the need to criminalise them though. Much of what goes on happens in monogamous marriages too - struggles for control, jealousies, financial problems and so on. No human relationships are perfect. It’s on a smaller scale in most cases, but all the same it happens, as divorce statistics show. Adultery is not illegal and it is usually not carried on with spousal consent, so even that doesn’t apply.

The edifice is showing though. For one thing, all the pieces to camera are seeming more fake. Where are all the crew? And if the family is in hiding, how do they explain to hospital and shop staff that they are followed everywhere by cameras and lighting?

The man is decidedly not monogamous, may not have married before sex, and for me it appears an adulterous relationship of sorts. I, too, don't know if such is criminal, but I do know it's immoral, for me.

You still would be, Norah😀. They marry young too, and the women are 100% monogamous- it’s the husband who’s not, but only with the other wives.

I don’t see it as a moral issue- more of a personal one that I wouldn’t enjoy. I’m still unsure about the need to criminalise them though. Much of what goes on happens in monogamous marriages too - struggles for control, jealousies, financial problems and so on. No human relationships are perfect. It’s on a smaller scale in most cases, but all the same it happens, as divorce statistics show. Adultery is not illegal and it is usually not carried on with spousal consent, so even that doesn’t apply.

The edifice is showing though. For one thing, all the pieces to camera are seeming more fake. Where are all the crew? And if the family is in hiding, how do they explain to hospital and shop staff that they are followed everywhere by cameras and lighting?

Doodledog, aren’t Mormons the same as the ‘Latter Day Saints mob’? If not, what is the difference?

Could you do it?

No. A moral conundrum to me, doesn't matter if others agree.

Not any more than I could sleep with another, participate in unmarried sex, or use illegal drugs. I married young, it seems, and I'm quite happy sleeping every night with the same person.

I still have a feeling that if (and it is a big if) all concerned consent then it’s nothing to do with the state. This family encourages education unlike LDS and other sects, so the women aren’t left with no choice but to marry. It’s not what I would choose, but it’s not harming anyone outside of the family. Why criminalise them?

I should add, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one, that my ex husband was happy to have other women in his life. I just didn't give my consent....