Feeling awkward

Greta

Callistemon21, I just use their Christian names and then explain the relationship if necessary.
What did surprise me was all the different names given to grandparents since 'grandmother' and 'grandfather'
refer to maternal and paternal grandparents.

So do we, I just meant if referring to them.

DC's in-laws, DGC's other grandparents?
The out-laws? 😁

Callistemon21, I just use their Christian names and then explain the relationship if necessary.
What did surprise me was all the different names given to grandparents since 'grandmother' and 'grandfather'
refer to maternal and paternal grandparents.

Greta

A language query from me: a sister-in-law is not necessarily the sister of your husband, is she? Could she not be the wife of your husband's brother?

What would you call your child's in-laws, ie their spouse's parents, siblings?

It always puzzles me!

Madgran77 Thank you for having the tenacity to break this down but I’m sorry, I still don’t have the will to work it all out!

I never know if these posts are fake or not, I’m only in two minds because we met someone for the first time recently, shook hands and the got a convoluted story about two houses in France, home schooling, 11 plus and a property about to complete in Yorkshire, a Kazakh wife and Brexit!

My husband and myself were completely baffled and wondered why a stranger would ever want to give away so much information!

Yes, I hadn’t thought of that!

Thank you, Germanshepherdsmum. These in-laws can be a bit confusing unless one clarifies. I guess we must now add your sister's wife.

She could. Or the wife of your own brother.

A language query from me: a sister-in-law is not necessarily the sister of your husband, is she? Could she not be the wife of your husband's brother?

Well Orchid hasn’t been back for 8 days so I think we need to wave the thread goodbye don’t you ?

Just carry on

Anyone else thinking of the King of Hearts' advice to the Knave about telling stories in Alice in Wonderland?

"Start at the beginning, go on til you reach the end, and then stop!"

Perhaps we all need to remember this when contributing to Gransnet!

Did MIL and FIL fall out with each other or her?

If you haven't seen her for 20 years how did she manage to use your flat like a hotel?

Was her daughter marrying another relative or into a completely different family?

Nope, don't understand a word of it.

Someone can only treat your flat as an hotel if you allow them to.

orchid25 is this lady your husband's sister?
What does he make of it all?

Apart from the flat she doesn't seem to have affected you personally.
Did you really want to go to the wedding anyway, or were you just miffed not to be invited?

If I were you, I'd take the line of "let them get on with it" and just maintain a polite distance from her.
Hope that helps 🤞

You could just be polite but not friendly.?

I don’t get how she is treating your place like a hotel if you are not personal friends.

Germanshepherdsmum

Perhaps the younger brains on MN would be better able to grapple with this.

I’m one of the younger brains and I struggled to get my brain around the post . Sorry OP

Orchid I'm sorry hut I am confused too.

1. Last christmas my sister-in-law turned up at my mother-in-law's house after my father-in-law's passing.

- Presumably your sister in law is their daughter?

2. Backstory: MIL and FIL fell out over 30 years ago which resulted in FIL banning SIL from house. As he's recently died, SIL has come back in a group setting (ie. me, husband, BIL, and children)

- Why was SIL banned when it was MIL/Fil who fell out. What had SIL got to do with the problem?

3.*As he's recently died, SIL has come back in a group setting (ie. me, husband, BIL, and children). I feel awkward as I've actually only been in her company about 8 times in nearly 30 years*

- did you see her during the 20 years she was banned?

-does your husband feel awkward too? This is his brothers wife I think. Did he get on with her prior to the banning from her parents?

4. Came into the room very huffy and never spoke to me and my husband
- did you speak to her? Say hello? Ask how she was?
- if she ignored you completely I suggest you carry on regardless, offer to make a cuppa if making ons for yourself etc.. in other words just carry on and ignore her ignoring!

5. She told her daughter on her wedding day 'why are you marrying into this family for?'.
- so this is just an example of her bad behaviour and why you dont like her?

6. Told my MIL that she is not fit to babysit hergranddaughter. This is not my issue
- was this during this visit at Xmas? Or is this another example of her behaviour and why you don't like her? And not your issue so why are you mentioning it?

7.*however given the context of her outbursts suddenly she is making a home visit when we turn up after a disappearance of 20 years at in-laws home. I'd like some advice about how to handle her because we are not personal friends*

- as suggested above. Carry on as normal and ignore the ignoring.
- but if she is directly rude do not tolerate it ..."did you mean to be rude when you said that?" ..."Its a shame you feel like that. It's not my view though" ..." What evidence is there of that" ...those type of responses depending on what said keep you in control and make clear it won't be tolerated

BUT - what is your husbands reaction to her behaviour, he should be stepping up as well if directed at you and his mother surely.

8.*she had used my london flat like a hotel and then made sure that we weren't invited us to niece's wedding.*

- so another example of why you don't like her and her bad behaviour?
- was this during the 20 year ban from her parents house?

Weirdest thing was that BIL showed divorce papers to my husband and she is staying at a different house with no wedding ring on
- their choice, nothing to do with you!

I’ve read your post through twice and I’m afraid I can’t follow it at all.

"I'd like some advice about how to handle her because we are not personal friends;"

I'd treat her with polite indifference and don't give her access to your London flat.

Perhaps the younger brains on MN would be better able to grapple with this.

Not something one would usually do for someone one had met only eight times in thirty years, unless it’s advertised on AirBnb.

Sorry Orchid I can’t make sense of it either!
If M-I-L and F-I-L fell out why did they ban S-I-L? It’s too much for my poor old brain too.
Can you make it clearer?

I am lost too. The bit about the daughter confused me.

she had used my london flat like a hotel
That’s what I don’t understand - you obviously had a good relationship with her for you to give her the keys to your flat - when/where did it all go wrong?

she had used my london flat like a hotel
If she broke in without permission you need to call the police.