Nothing To Talk About

Maybe invite them over for Sunday lunch once a month?
Sounds like your Mum is more outgoing- could you take her out to a garden centre? Then maybe the next time go for a walk with your Dad? Walking is definitely where I have the best conversations with family.

They have days out, go to the theatre, about to have a kitten, like watching TV, mum still works (!) - seems plenty to chat about to me! So you work full time? Do you go out / have hobbies / read books / watch TV / go on holiday?
Maybe you could plan a day out together?

My parents both died when I was 29 (rather a long time ago) but I never run out of things to talk about with my adult daughters. Politics, what we're reading, grandchildren in the case of two of them, our work. Maybe the parents in OP's post feel their age and are weary and need taking out of themselves. If they love their TV shows (and I became an avid watcher during six months of ill-health last year), get them to tell you about them. It might draw them out. Other good suggestions above. Ask them about their childhood and older family members. You'll wish you had done it when they are gone.

You need to write an actual list of topics and learn it before you go there.

E.g. jokes about the weather Jokes about you work etc.
A particular plant in you garden, Ask if they are fond og trees, roses. How they prune their rose if have one. Keep to particular questions especially perhaps trivial things that you can build a few remarks and further questions on.
If they don;t reply and remain mute make a remark about what is on the TV and are they watching it. Would they rather watch TV than talk? If they do there is nothing wrong with companionable watching together.

Google jokes about cats and kittens and learn them off by heart,

Turn the bloody box off and take them out somewhere

We are so lucky in that DS2 and DD are great chatterboxes, so much so that sometimes I wonder what has been said. So visits are full on.
But, I do remember a friend saying that when she phoned her mum, she had to be sure that it wasn't when she would be watching one of her soaps! Not to be interrupted!

We have a Sunday at ours policy, sometimes on family group we say sorry not this week and most weeks it’s just checking to see who’s in and who isn’t.
It keeps us all chatting and I hope together to a degree as these’re all in own homes and living own lives now.
What I would hate would not to be welcomed into my children’s homes or for them to feel obliged to visit with nothing to say.
I imagine we have to continue to work together not to separate off as it would be so easy.

Callistemon
Haha, isn’t that true.

V3ra

^Mum & Dad don’t come to us unless invited - we’re about half an hour from them.^

That sounds perfectly normal to me from that distance, I wouldn't want expect them to call unexpectedly either 🤷

I remember a spate of threads some time ago by DILs and DDs who were most put out because parents called in without being invited.

Heads you win, tails I lose 😁

Mum & Dad don’t come to us unless invited - we’re about half an hour from them.

That sounds perfectly normal to me from that distance, I wouldn't want expect them to call unexpectedly either 🤷

I cannot for the life of me understand why people (*even those who have said outright that they are lonely*) insist on keeping the TV on or won’t even mute the sound when they get a visitor.
Anyone would think it had just been invented. There are so many ways of rewatching most TV now that it usually can’t be missed.
I have sometimes felt like just walking out especially when it was a planned visit.
Don’t get me wrong- television can be a good friend but when real people walk in then the tv goes off! 🤗

I don't think it's sad, but am surprised that at 81, your mum still works 2 evenings a week. What does she do? Perhaps you could talk about her job. I'm guessing you might be late 50s to 60, so chat about your work aswell. My mum was a rather quiet person, and didn't always want to chat, but talking about TV programmes that you all watch is a good suggestion.

don’t come to us unless invited

Well invite them then. My mother came to our house, or one or other of my son’s houses, for Sunday lunch every week. If we were not here, one of the boys would invite her. After she stopped driving, one of us or our boys, would always collect her and deliver her home. We frequently went to a pub for a meal, often accompanied by the sons and their families. Not always though. I took her shopping every week, to all her medical appointments, to the cinema as long as she was able, or just brought her round for lunch here in the week sometimes.
I’m not suggesting you do all that but some of it might make life more interesting for them.

Mell967 Now you give the background it sheds a different light on the whole issue and the conclusion i reach is, sadly, the one you use in your last sentence.

I find this hard to imagine. When I visited my parents my mum and I would talk non stop. My Dad was a good listener but would interject some words of wisdom. We all had busy lives and lots to share. My parents talked a lot about their neighbours if they hadn’t been well enough to get out much.

Now when I visit my sister sometimes the conversation stalls, as she is in a care home and her horizons are limited, but she loves to talk about the old days. Photos of the grandchildren are always a good stimulus.

Sometimes Silence is Golden 😁

When I still lived in the same city as my parents all my mother ever talked about was her ailments, both real and imagined. My father was never a great conversationalist and used to just sit reading the paper. If I tried to lead my mother away from the subject of her health - say to tell her about what I had been doing - she just went back to it as though I had never spoken. It was like having a conversation with a tape recorder.

When she had to go into hospital or see some specialist or other she used to sit by the phone and ring every member of the family to tell them the "news". Even when I lived in another city she would ring several times or leave messages on the ansa-phone about her health. Thank heaven there were no smart phones then!

Nowadays she would probably be diagnosed with Munchausen.

No wonder my sister and I are very anti doctors/ailments and have to be dragged to a hospital.

It doesn't seem really that sad to me, (perhaps I'm even sadder) 😲

No hobbies either of them 🤔
Hobbies are a good thing, especially joining clubs, eg U3A which have some interesting groups they could join together. Or your Mum could join while your Dad stays at home to house train the new kitten.
DH joined some and did charity work but some have now folded simply because older members have died and new ones are not forthcoming.

Mum & Dad don’t come to us unless invited - we’re about half an hour from them
That's an awkward one. I think it might be a case of, knowing how busy you all are, they don't want to intrude unexpectedly on your precious time. I can understand that.

My mother-in-law is coming up to 100 now and recently I showed her on her laptop via Google all her old addresses. We first looked up where she was born both streetview and Google Earth. She was full of stories - we "walked" along the road to the park etc and had quite a jolly time.
Really good suggestion, NotSpaghetti

Update

Mum is 81 - working 2 evenings a week - no siblings
Dad 84 - not working (retired 15 years ago) - 1 older sister who lives nearby.
I’m an only child, married and we have 1 son (29) - he and his girlfriend live with us.
We all work full-time.

Parents have very few friends - not visited very often.
Don’t go on holiday.
Have days out - mum drives - go to the theatre.
No hobbies either of them.
Just about to have a kitten 🐱
They take Dads sister shopping once a week - mum drives them.
Mum & Dad don’t come to us unless invited - we’re about half an hour from them.

Seems even sadder written down ☹️

I don’t think that have ever been the easiest people to talk to - maybe it’s more noticeable now I’m older and have such a different relationship with our son & his girlfriend - we talk about anything & everything.

Perhaps I have to learn to accept things as they are?

Calendargirl I can see how that might gradually happen almost without noticing.

I wonder if, Mel1967 you have always had conversations with them in the past? Is it maybe that you were the one generating them and now you maybe have less "going on"?

I think in my life (which frankly is mainly mundane) I always have an opinion on something, have read something which interests me, have noticed something. I think this is true whether or not I've actually been anywhere of note.

My mother-in-law is coming up to 100 now and recently I showed her on her laptop via Google all her old addresses. We first looked up where she was born both streetview and Google Earth. She was full of stories - we "walked" along the road to the park etc and had quite a jolly time.
Do they have a laptop or a tablet? In her case we couldn't have done it on a mobile - but some people maybe could.
BTW she later talked about it to my youngest daughter who had a look with her too..

The will be things to talk about. If your son is about to start work, for instance you could ask her what it was like in her first job and tell her about when you started work.

Personally I think you are just out of practice.

Maybe there is some local changes going on - yesterday we chatted to my mother-in-law about a new development in her area which will be "executive" flats in a beautiful historic house and then lots of smaller homes in the grounds. The building wotlrk has just started.

Mel1967 you don't say how old they are, how fit they are, whether ir not they can get out now.

Could you take them out for a drive, a coffee, give them a change of surroundings if they're no longer able to drive or go out much.

That being said, I used to phone my MIL regularly, she couldn't get out much as she became very elderly but she could talk non-stop for an hour 😃

My mum is in hospital and has no short term memory left. No idea about politics etc. Can't read, can't remember what she ate or watched on the ward tv. It makes conversation very challenging. I show her photos of my grandsons and she will respond to them. I ask her about something which happened when I was little and she can respond to that. I stay half an hour usually because she'll fall asleep. My dd will watch a programme with her and comment on it to her. Or talk about her work etc. It is difficult, I agree but I hope this gives some ideas

Some people just aren't talkers. If you haven't built up that way of having conversations then it seems a little late now.
Do you ring and talk on the phone?
It's hard work sometimes but I much prefer it to texting. My friend and I still chat on the phone for hours.
Can they get out? Sometimes it is ok not to say anything, but just be in the moment.
My relationship with my mum changed when I helped her with a jog-saw puzzle. Up to the point I felt I couldn't connect with her very well, but that afternoon we spent just making a picture together was a turning point for us. I felt it was ok just to be there in each other's company.
Do your parents have other hobbies and interests you could ask them about?
How about listening to music? Taking some knitting or sewing to do whilse you're there?
When I met my now ex-partner I was really struck by how little conversation his family had with each other- they didn't even have small talk. I found this very difficult to adjust to on visitng his family, especially his mum who hardly ever spoke at all.
When visiting her in hospital she did say the lady in the bed opposite was very chatty, and she wished that she could just chat to people in that way. It seemed to be a skill she had never acquired or had lost for some reason.
My ex-partner used to tell me he could never think of things to say. I think some people are just like that.
It is a shame about the telelvision, but does seem all too common I'm afraid. I hear it a lot. I hope you get some good suggestions as it clearly bothers you, and you learn to enjoy the visits much more.

I speak to DD in Australia once a week, and often struggle to find much to chat about.

When you have exhausted how everyone is, how work is, the weather on both continents, imparted any local news about folk she can hardly remember……

One topic we are both interested in is the Royal Family. Harry and Meghan’s latest exploits fill up some good conversations.

After so long away, (25 years), with the GC now grown and everyone busy with their own different lifestyles, it’s not easy to feel as close as we once were. So not surprising conversation doesn’t always ‘flow’.

If they're interested in the television, maybe start there?
Watch a programme with them, talk about it afterwards?
Go through the TV magazine and look at what programmes are coming up that might interest them?