Nothing To Talk About

Mel1967

Callistemon21
Thanks for your reply.
Apart from telling them that I was ok and also that my job, my husband and son and his girlfriend were fine - then no I didn’t have anything else to chat about.
Any suggestions?

Do they have hobbies? Groups they go to? Friends they meet up with? Ask them about their lives, show an interest.

Tell them about your life, going out to lunch, meeting friends, taking kids out or whatever. The minutiae of life to chat about. Funny incidents observed etc?

Ask their opinion on something in news; not necessary political could be anything.

Bring up a memory from the past; chikdhid; maybe a holiday. Talk about happy memories funny incidents
Ask them something about your grandparents ..Did they live in/work in /where did they meet?

And so on ....

About 15 years ago my Mum due to bad health rarely went out unless I took her, we went shopping once a week and every other week we used to take her for dinner somewhere. But she always said she hadn’t anything to talk about.
My daughter used to pass her house on the way from school and called in nearly every day for about 15 minutes, my Mum loved it. She said she came in talked non stop about her day typical teenager he said she said conversation. But she said it was great to listen to her chat.
I think if they are not going out or seeing people mundane chats are welcome to them.

We went out for a meal - daughter, grandson and granddaughter. Daughter likes to recall times when her children were babies. Ofcourse, I understand and I contributed my memories of them as well. I see Daughter and Grandson often, but my granddaughter, occasionally. She’s in University and seems to be very involved with her boyfriend’s family. I’m happy that she is close to them, but it’s sad and nice too, how time and relationships evolve. Acceptance is the best way forward….

Mel1967

Callistemon21
Thanks for your reply.
Apart from telling them that I was ok and also that my job, my husband and son and his girlfriend were fine - then no I didn’t have anything else to chat about.
Any suggestions?

I don't know you or anything about your life though, so sorry, no suggestions.

Mell967 We cannot generate subjets fr you to talk about They need to come from you. Do you not have wider interests than just home, job and family.

As someone up thread says they talk about We talk about current affairs, the garden, what we have been reading/watching

In our family talking is non-stop. DH and I both have intersts and hobbies outside home and family, we discuss the news, events in the village, what I read on GN and another form he is engaged on.

Do you and your mother not have a shared interest in cloths, or cats, or cooking. Do you both live in flats, with nothing green in ssight? This time of year do you not see the plants growing, spring flowers out, or the daffodils in the supermarket. haven't yu noticed the birds singing more.

Ther is o much in even an mundane life that can be talked about. If you only lift your head and look around yourself - and turn the tv off.

It seems so sad, but some peoples lives do get narrower as they get older.
Are they interested in current events? There's a lot going on in the world. Or maybe some local event that they would like to talk about?
If they like television, perhaps talk about some current programmes.
Good luck with your next visit. Maybe prepare a list before you go?

When my mum was in the care home for her last year, we still had things to talk about, as we always had done. We mainly discussed family and what I had been doing, and what was going on in the care home, but as time went on it became harder and harder to engage her, and so I started reading to her, which she enjoyed. We never finished the last book.
Mell maybe you could talk about what you’ve been doing, or what your children are up to. Maybe talk about the programmes they watch and any you watch. The weather is always a topic for conversation and possibly where they’ve been, if they still go out, although it may only be the doctor or supermarket.

Callistemon21
Thanks for your reply.
Apart from telling them that I was ok and also that my job, my husband and son and his girlfriend were fine - then no I didn’t have anything else to chat about.
Any suggestions?

fancythat

Playing games can bring out conversations.
Also, looking at photographs.

Good ideas, especially photographs. Can lead to conversations about happy memories which older folk often enjoy. If they aren't very active they will have less to chat about.

You don’t say their ages Mel Do they have any little jobs for you to do around the house?
I used to visit my DF every day - do a bit of dusting, water the plants, make a cuppa etc. I’d usually take cake or some sort of treat and he’d have kept the daily crossword for us to do together.
He wasn’t much of a tv watcher in general, but we’d chat about all sorts from the weather, to his memories of being a small boy.
As an other GN says can you tell them about your activities? Are there Grandchildren - my DF loved to hear of their exploits.

Sometimes good to get in the car and go to the local cafe - I recently found a golf club cafe nearby which is open to the public and it's been a success- as well as a short trip to the local garden centre. To get the conversation moving on hubby's mum's side. They were never very active in life and never got involved in community projects etc were always scathing of stuff going on locally , had no time for anything except their own garden which no-one ever saw except them and us. Maybe social anxiety but they were adamant they didn't want to participate in anything , no holidays nothing, so hard to have anything much to talk about.
My own parents are completely different - involved in their own elderly siblings' wellbeing, church , local walks, gardening , local things going on, local craft fayre and WI mornings - local pub occasionally - lots of newspapers to read, local and national - waterfall walks - always stuff to talk about . My in laws said they 'didn't see the point' in voluntary work etc - so you live as you live I guess and reap the rewards if more outward looking. Everyone's lives and dispositions are so different. Some are so resistant to change or other people's suggestions.

Mel1967

I went to visit my mum & dad yesterday.
We said hello, my mum had told me about several family members & their health issues, my dad had a problem with his mobile phone, but refused to let me sort it - we were done - nothing else to talk about.
They were both more interested in the television.
I felt quit sad when I left that we don’t seem to have anything to talk about.

It sounds as if you expected them to make all the conversation.

Did you have nothing to chat about?

Were they watching a particular favourite programme that time or is this how it usually is with them? If it's a one-off, I wouldn't worry. If not, then maybe suggest a walk around the garden or a wander down to the local shops, if there are any and if they're able. If it is a favourite programme, then check whether they both want to watch. If not, then maybe a walk with the other might work.

Playing games can bring out conversations.
Also, looking at photographs.

We talk about current affairs, the garden, what we have been reading/watching - there must be something...?

If you start to talk about something do they just ignore you?

Could you say "shall we turn this off for a good chat?" and see what transpires?

Or go there with a plan of things to talk about? It sounds to me as though they have just got out of practice if they used to chat.